Just Kidding

If I Could Fly

Taylor.

It was about two in the morning. I fixed myself a drink and Harry was on his phone. I took a big gulp of the small liquor bottle that was found in the mini fridge.

"Harry," I got his attention. He looked up from his phone with a nasty glare on his face. "Dance with me?" I asked, trying to smile.

He stared at me for what felt like five hours. Then he finally found a way to smile and then stood up. He pushed the small couch towards the kitchen where I was standing.

"Are you gonna help or just stare?" He said, now standing in front of me.

So we began moving the hotel furniture. It was a lot of fun, well more fun than I thought it would be.

When all of the furniture was out of the way, Harry grabbed my hands and we spun around. We danced to no audio but Harry faintly humming a jazzy tune.

I swung and jumped around while Harry did his best to keep me from spinning out or stumbling in my own feet. I couldn't stop laughing and nearly snorting. Harry had no problem making fun of me for the sounds that were coming from me.

"This is best song ever to be made!" I yelled. Harry spun me and then lifted me up by my legs. My stomach was at Harry's forehead and my legs were dangling. He let me down slowly, like you see in the movies, but he was still swaying side to side.

When we were at equal level, I laid my head on his shoulder. He was still swaying and humming, this time he was humming a soft tune.

It was like this for a while.

"Do you remember New Years?" Harry asked. My stomach twisted.

"Yes."

"I do, too."

I lifted my head up and looked at Harry. "Which parts?" My heart was racing at this point.

"All of it." His eyes closed and he let his head hang low. "I remember wanting you to leave and I remember when you did."

"You wanted me to leave?" I asked.

"I didn't want you to leave so I could horse around, I wanted you to leave because I knew you were unhappy and I didn't want you to be there if you weren't having a good time." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh." Was all I said. I didn't want to bring up Kendall, in case he's not talking about that being part of "all of it".

"I know I kiss-" He stopped. "I remember kissing Kendall." He didn't look at me.

I let my arms fall to my sides and Harry didn't fight me when I backed away. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the floor behind Harry.

"And?" I asked. I was starting to get mad now.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"When did you remember?" I asked.

"I knew this entire time." He admitted.

"What!" I screamed. "You knew and you kept it hidden away for what! What reason, Harry?!"

"The same reason you didnt bring it up!" He fought back. "You didn't want to fight. You wanted to move on from it, didn't you?"

"That doesn't mean lie to me and hide it away. It makes you look like you actually have something to hide." I narrow my eyes at him.

"How does it look that way? I didn't tell you because I wanted to avoid this!" He gestured between us.

"Okay, Harry. We'll just forget this. We can pretend it never happened! And maybe one day, when I get shot, I will ignore the bullet hole and continue with my life, you know, to save us from any drama." I wave my arms around in a crazy motion.

"It's not the same, Taylor." He rolled his eyes.

"Really because it feels pretty similar." I glared at him. My heart was in my throat. It was quiet again and we weren't saying anything, just staring at each other.

"What do you want to do?" I asked. He looked at me sideways. "Should we break up?" I asked, having no patience for Harry.

"What? Why? Do you want to?" He rubbed over his chin, lightly brushing over the scars on his chin.

I took a minute before answering. Of course I don't want to break up with him. I truly love him. But what about in a month or two? I can't help thinking that I won't be happy.

I love Harry, more than I've ever loved anyone, but I don't feel that we are meant for each other. Of course, I hope we do end up together, but right now maybe isn't our time?

In a snap decision, I'd say "let's get married", but I can't stop thinking about the future.

"Do you see us together in a year?" I asked. He didn't answer right away. He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. He looked up at me, his eyes droopy and red, and his chin twitching.

"No." He said quietly.

It was quiet again.

I didn't say anything because I knew what he was going to say. I knew that, somehow, against all odds, we weren't right for each other at this moment.

"Yeah." I nodded my head, looking at the ground. "So.." I looked up at him and tried to smile.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Hey," I laughed, "it's not your fault."

"It is, Taylor. If I didn't kiss Kendall, and if I told you about work," he shook his head and looked at the ground.

"It is what it is, Harry." I was still smiling. We kept quiet.

After a few minutes, I decided to speak up. "Dance with me?" He looked at me and smiled a little.

He reached his arms out to me, which I happily walked into. He held on to my back and waist. I had my arms around his torso, hugging him. My head laid perfectly on his chest. I could feel his cheek on the top of my head.

"I really wish we could just leave. Get out of town and away from all of the cameras and management. Maybe we could've had a real chance at something." Harry said. "Can we at least finish out the night, still in love with each other?" He asked.

I looked up at him, a small smile on my face, and I puckered my lips. He laughed and leaned down to kiss me.

It was still strange to kiss him, I still have a sharp pain in the pit of my stomach, but it's different now.

Everything has changed within a small amount of days.

But I still love him.

||awe.||