Fandomonium

Deathly Writing

Week 14, Day 5:

Hunter never explained his panicky dream and I'm afraid to bring it up. Just weeks ago we were cute, the couple everyone shipped, now we're keeping secrets from each other. Well he is, I have nothing to hide, obviously. Midterms are right around the corner and I'm far from ready. My brain is full and my heart feels empty.

I try my best to pay attention in Chemistry but my brain is buzzing with bothering thoughts and math is even worse. I can't concentrate or even write because writing comes from my heart and my heart has been stolen and stomped on. Hunter and I have barely talked all week and while I know he is probably very busy, it doesn't stop the feeling of abandonment.

Classes are cancelled tomorrow due to a major snowstorm coming through and we're forced to stay in our own rooms all day. Absolutely no visits to other dorms – which is totally ridiculous – and if you are so much as spotted in a different dorm ground, you'll be thrown out of the school before the snow melts. At least that's what Mr. Jacks said.

I'm so over keeping secrets and having secrets kept from me that I'm so tempted to find Phoenix, wherever they are and sort everything out. Everything went sour when they left and I'm afraid everything is going to fall apart...if it hasn't already. Amy and I are stuck together in the same room for the entire day and possibly tomorrow as well and I really don't have the energy to argue or talk things out.

"Hey," Amy says. Well, so goes the idea of not talking. I just groan in response. "When are you going to stop being mad at me, Clare?"

"When you stop being a bitch."

"Right now, then?"

"More like never," I face away from her and she takes the hint. The day passes slowly and I work on things for my writing class:

The life of a villain is never easy. Neither is the life of a teenager. The life of a teenage villain is treacherous. It doesn't help that I'm also a wizard who slays dragons. I also lead a double life dating two girls, a blonde and a brunette. I'm so popular at school everyone loves me and I have hundreds of friends. I'm so hot and all the girls want to date me. I have 2 million followers on social media and I have a book written about my life. I live in a mansion in California. This is my life. This is my life in my dreams.

Honestly, I'm only a thirteen-year-old boy who lives in Michigan. I live in a modest home. I go to a public school, I'm a total nerd and I have two followers on social media. I have one friend and he is more of a nerd than I am. I don't have a girlfriend #singleandnotcrushing. I'm actually pretty depressed and I've tried to commit suicide twice. Funny, the shoe used to be on the other foot.

Before Middle School, I was a bully. I really hurt this one girl. She was beautiful with fiery red hair and striking blue eyes. She was tall, but she had freckles all over her face. I used to joke that she had chicken pocks. She really was very beautiful. I loved her. I really, really loved her. In sixth grade she started cutting, in seventh, she cut into her heart. I remember the day the announcement was made. I cried and was sent home. I haven't loved another person since.

I've been an outcast since then. Everyone thinks it was my fault. I think I believe them. I'm now in my senior year of high school. To be honest, I'm pretty pissed off that people still talk about that red headed bitch. I wish I could stop loving her, I really, really do.

I was talking to my only friend, Julian, and he simply smiled and nodded. Did I mention he only speaks Romanian? No? Well that's the only reason we are friends. He doesn't understand the stories of her. Not the best conversationalist, but it is a person to eat lunch with.

Tomorrow I graduate high school. I'm not going to college. My parents don't know this, but tomorrow I run away. I run away from my fears and towards my dreams. My name is Leo, my last name no longer matters in the life I am about to lead.

I used to live in a home near the countryside, now I am a murderer, but the latter doesn't matter.

I spend my days sitting in a tree hole, that I made my home, reading survival books. I live in the suburbs of Chicago, finding enemies, waiting to kill. It gives me pleasure, and money. Sometimes, I rape. Only on the rare occasion. Only once. I hated to do it, the girl was crying. She looked so much like her. She had red hair and the same freckles. She looked much older. Around my age, in her twenties. Later, I sent her to heaven the same way she went. I stabbed her heart. It was not until later, that I realized she had a twin. I decided to kill anyone with red hair. Anyone with blue eyes. Any girl. Any person who reminds me of her.

I miss her too much. I wish I could stop. I can't. I've tried. Now, I've attempted suicide three times. I don't know how to stop. These pangs of depression. These impulses to die. Instead, I kill. Not myself. I am invincible, invisible to the world. Nobody suspects the nerd from high school. Nobody thinks I would rape or murder. I don't believe it myself.

I'm underappreciated, I really am. I don't have friends and my family is dead. Why can I not enjoy life? My biggest joy in life is taking the souls out of people. I stab them and let their blood run over my white bony fingers. One day, it was raining and I saw my reflection in a puddle. I jumped back and fell from shock and fear. I looked again. My hair was down to my collarbone and I had scars across my face. Acne dotted my face like freckles and I shivered from the memories. I blinked my once light grey eyes and found them to be bloodshed and black. I found a tear roll down my muddy cheek and it fell into the puddle with a soft pang.

I reached to my side and felt a sharp blade prick my fingers. I trembled as I raised my hand. I looked into the blade, and as I saw my disheveled face, I knew. I was gone.

I tap my pen against my notebook as I try to find any errors. Eventually, I give up and surrender to tumblr. I reblog a few posts and reply to messages saying no, I'm not dead, just really busy.

And that's about as eventful as my day gets. 

(A/N: I wrote a lot this week so I have a lot of updating to do. Sorry for the filler chapters, I promise everything is going to get very interesting soon enough <3 )