Australia - An Ashton Irwin fanfic

Chapter 19

My breath got short and shaky when I saw it parked on the road in front of the house. 

Had he calmed down? Was he still angry? Was he here to make up or break up? My mind ran through all of the possibilities as I stepped closer to the house. The lights were off and neither Caspar or Mary-Lynn's cars were there. I glanced in the Chevy to see if Ashton was sitting there but he wasn't. Where the hell was he? This definitely was his car, I'd been in it enough times to tell.

Maybe I wanted to see him so bad I was just imagining his car was there. All I wanted was to be in his arms and tell him about the whole problem but that most likely wouldn't happen since he was the problem. 

I sighed, making my way to the door. I was about to walk up the steps but stopped when I saw him. He was sitting on the steps, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands cupping the back of his head, fingers entangled in his hair. 

I slowly took a step closer to the stoop. "Ashton?" I said, quietly. He lifted his head up immediately and his eyes met mine. He had been crying; his eyes bloodshot and his nose was red. This image of him was killing me, knowing I was the reason for it all.

I took another step and sat next to him. "Why are you here?" I asked, looking at him but he was looking at his hands, tapping a slow beat. "It's late, Ashton." He sniffled and took a deep breath. Seeing him like this was breaking my heart. I wish none of this was my fault, I wish I could kiss him and make him feel better, I just wish today never happened. "Ashton, please talk to me," I begged, reaching my hand for his, interrupting its beat.

I entwined my fingers into his and squeezed it tight, pressing my lips together whilst my eyes started to fill with tears. I think it's obvious to say I cry very easily and seeing him cry wasn't helping.

"I'm so sorry, Ashton," I said, hoping he'd say something. He just stood there like a statue, tears falling down his cheeks. He looked so fragile. "Please, look at me and say something," I pleaded, my voice cracking.

There was a long pause but then I felt his hand squeeze mine. I gasped at his unexpected grip. "I was so angry..." he whispered. "At you, at Luke, at Charlie...at myself." He let out a shaky breath and squeezed my hand again. "Seeing you and him sitting so close to each other, it...it broke me. When Luke tried to explain, I was too mad to even hear it."

"Then why did you say you believed me when I told you nothing was going on between us, when you didn't? That's what I'm hurt about; that you don't trust me, Ashton."

"Juliette, I try. I try so hard to believe you. I really do, but seeing and hearing all the conversations you guys have, it...." He paused, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. "it just makes me wonder when you'll leave me for him," he whispered and let out a sigh of relief, like he'd been holding those words  in for so long.

"Ashton," I shook my head. I reached my other hand to his chin and turned his face so his teary eyes met mine. "Please don't think like that. If I was falling for Luke wouldn't I have already gone for him? I've been here for almost four months and I've had plenty of time getting to know him. Why can't you understand that I won't fall out of love with you? I thought saying forever everyday would be enough to make you believe that I love you, Ashton Irwin and I always will." I looked at him the whole time, making sure our eyes never lost contact and watched as more tears flood into them.  

He took me off guard when he wrapped his arms around me, burying his head on my chest. "Please don't leave me, Juliette," he said. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close, resting my cheek on his soft pillow-like hair. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry for today. I'm so sorry for being mad at you, for not trusting you, for talking to Charlie," he said. His breathing was short and fast as he cried into my shirt.