Loving the fat girl [Book 1]

19 - Restless

19. Arya

To occupy my whirling mind, I spend all of Sunday cleaning the house. While Sam has seemingly been glued to the couch in front of the television, I succumb to my obsessive need of cleaning every crevice of this house. I scrub the floors, dust shelves and even re-organize my closet that up until now held clothes I haven't worn in at least five years. I am an unstoppable whirlwind of cleanliness!

Last night had been awful. I spent it twisting and turning in bed, not being able to calm down the thoughts that took hold of my mind. Nothing I tried could shut them out! Seth's voice would echo in my head like some sort of mental torture technique! Over and over and over again, I would hear him tell me that he... doesn't hate me. I still can't believe what he told me and part of me is still convinced that all of this is but a dream. Surely I will wake up and all of this will just have been a feverish nightmare. 

As per usual, I wished for Sunday to go by as slowly as possible as it prevents Monday morning from coming. No matter what I try though, time ticks twice as fast as normally and soon enough Monday comes around. 

Sam wakes me up like he does every week day. He presents the usual bowl of oatmeal and an apple to me and I made sure to sprinkle brown sugar over it to give the slimy breakfast some flavor. Sam glares at the amount of sugar I pour onto the cereal and I ignore him.

Now I am sitting in his car, biting my bottom lip in anticipation of getting to school. I am jittery and beyond nervous. Sam obviously notices my change in attitude but decides to not talk to me about it for some unknown reason. I am grateful for this as I am currently knee deep in my own head. It'll probably take a miracle to get me to talk to another human being today. I doubt I can form a coherent sentence.

"We're here," my cousin states, pulling into the school's parking lot. I had been too preoccupied to notice.

"Right," I mutter and slip out of the car, swinging my backpack over my shoulder before Sam can get another word out.

For some reason, I feel like everyone is watching me today as I enter the school. Of course they have no idea about what happened this weekend so I'm most likely imagining things. Unless Seth told anyone which I highly doubt because he is too focused on his reputation. I don't think he would even mention that he ever talked to me unless it includes making me cry. That, of course, is different. His peers would have a majorly good time, living vicariously through Seth and enjoying every second of my torture.

Fortunately, I reach my first class room without any run ins or confrontations but I know that Seth is going to enter this room any second and probably sit down right next to me.

I have been acting this scenario out in my head for the past 30 hours. What is he going to say? What should I say to him? Should I even talk to him? Are other people going to notice? But those aren't the only questions cursing through my mind... Of course I wonder if I would notice a change in the way he looks at me. Will I feel more comfortable now that I know that he... likes me?

Just thinking the word, not even saying it out loud, makes me cringe.

It feels odd. I am aware enough of the fact that Seth is as much of an emotional cripple as me... maybe even more so. He is pretty fucked up but does that really excuse the way he treated me? Surely not. How did he end up liking me when all he did was insult me? Truly none of this makes sense...

Then he finally enters the room. I immediately notice the change in his looks. In contrast to how he looked on Saturday, he is now clean shaven and his skin is unfairly smooth and beautiful. His hair is perfectly styled without looking as if too much effort was put into it. Also, the shirt he is wearing hugs his torso perfectly. And his lips... they appear extra plump and--