Loving the fat girl [Book 1]

25 - Speed

25. Arya

After school I wait anxiously beside Seth's car. For once he doesn't make me wait very long. He comes storming out of the school, his backpack slung over his right shoulder haphazardly. His eyes fixate on me the minute he steps out of the building. Instead of taking his time and keeping his cool, he jogs towards me, pushing past people and ignoring their annoyed shouts at him.

"I..." He starts but cuts himself off at the sight of me.

"Let's just get in the car, please. We can talk inside." I suggest and he nods, gladly accepting my offer. 

His anxiety is clear in the way he holds himself. Something has changed in him. I'm not sure what it is yet but I will do what I have to to find out!

Instead of starting the car, Seth slumps down in the driver's seat. I shut my door and take a deep breath, not sure what to expect. He grasps onto the steering wheel, staring down into his lap. The muscles in his jaw flex and his whole body tenses up. I can't help but reach out to touch him. My hand moves at its own volition, gently sliding over his right arm until I grab hold of his wrist. His head turns painfully slowly and then there's so much emotion burning in his eyes that it almost hurts to look at him. Never have I seen this amount of pain in Seth's eyes before.

"May I explain something to you?" I whisper, my voice cracking slightly, fingers still wrapped around his wrist. 

He simply nods and drops his head again. I pull his hand into my lap and start to playing with his fingers tenderly.

"I'm not here to take anything from you. I'm not trying to interfere with your family situation. Really, you have to believe me. The only thing I'm trying to do is help you." Sucking my lower lip between my teeth, I try to organize the thoughts that are buzzing through my head like a bees. "I'm not quite sure why I even am trying to help you.

"When Paulina ran away and you wouldn't listen to me... I wasn't mad because you were trying to take care of your family. I understand how important she is to you but I just wish you would have listened to me. You could have at least given me the chance to..." A knot forms in my throat and I squeeze Seth's hand in mine.

"I know," he whispers. "I'm a bastard. I get it."

He pulls his hand back and starts the engine.

"That is not what I'm trying to say. You've been through a lot, so have I, but if we were to try together, maybe we could figure this out. I'll talk to your parents again. Maybe I'll be able to convince them of not hiring the babysitter."

"That's not going to happen, Arya. They're not the kind of people you just talk to, don't you get it? If it were that easy, do you think I would be the way I am?!"

"And what exactly would that be? Do you even know who you are?" I snap back at him. This is going into a totally different direction than I expected but maybe this is also an opportunity to get some real emotion out of him. 

Seth steps down on the gas pedal and speeds off. Our surroundings blur by and I have to clutch onto my seat as I hate driving fast. My breathing goes rapid and I feel panic rising up from the pit of my stomach. I get the feeling that while Seth may be a safe driver, he is also an emotional one. 

"Can you please slow down a bit?" My pleas don't go through to him as he just keeps on getting faster and faster, completely ignoring the speed limit. It's only a matter of time until we get pulled out of traffic.

"Do you know how hard it is?" He asks out of the blue, eyes focused on nothing but the street in front of him. "The last couple of days I have been trying so hard. I've been trying to make everything right. School, soccer and most of all Paulina. I... It's hard! So hard! And I still get fucking criticized! Everyone's constantly nagging, disapproving and trying to tell me what I should do better. Well, guess what... I am so sick of it."