Semper Fi

The Worst Kind of Paradox

A/N: Everything in Italics is a flashback. Let's just get right to it.

"A few weeks before Charlotte was born...I went to visit Lowell Harris in prison."

Elliot watched Olivia closely, the features on her face processing what the information. He saw her face shift between shock, disbelief and then the emotion he feared the most....anger.

He saw the lump in her throat as she finally swallowed. "Why?" she whispered.

He didn't know why but the question pissed him off. He wanted her to ask him when, or why he didn't tell her or he would've even expected her to ask if he had Lowell Harris killed. But to ask him why, of all the questions that one should have been the easiest for her to answer.

"Why do you think?" he bit off more annoyed than he intended. She had a right to be upset, he knew that. He took a deep breath, reigning in the irrepressible anger that was bubbling up inside of him. He didn't have a right to be angry with her but he was never completely rational where Olivia was concerned. "I needed to see him."

Olivia sat up and he immediately softened when he saw her bottom lip trembling struggling to not let emotions overwhelm her. "Why?" she asked confused.

"You know why." He sat up mimicking her body language.

She leaned her head back trying to stop the tears brimming her eyelids from falling and shook her head emphatically. "What. is. It. Going to take?" she asked carefully emphasizing each word. "What is it going to take for you to let this go Elliot?"

He opened his mouth to speak but she quickly silenced him. "I told you everything," she cried crawling out of the bed suddenly too anxious to sit still. "I thought if I told you everything that it would stop all of this. I put myself out there and it's still not enough."

Elliot flinched as if he had been slapped. "So you thought that was it?" he asked in a clipped tone getting out of the bed as well on the opposite side. "You tell me what happened with Lewis and Harris and then we just ride off into the sunset? That everything would be forgotten."

That's exactly what she thought. Hearing him say it made her feel incredibly naïve but at the time she really thought that confessing would bring closure for both of them but it really only brought closure for her.

"That's not how it works Olivia. You had time to work through what happened to you. You got to tell me your story when you were ready and you were healed from it," he argued his tone getting louder not matching the sadness she could see in his eyes. "But I'm not healed. I'm not over it."

"And you think I am?" she shot back. "I'm healing Elliot, it's a constant process. You of all people should know that."

"I get that Liv I do but I needed to deal with it," he said pointing hard to his chest. "I needed to come to terms with what happened to you too."

Their chests were heaving and the air between them thick, a strong juxtaposition to the mood in the room a few minutes earlier. Olivia squared her shoulders ready to go toe to toe with him like she had done so many times as his partner.

"It didn't happen to you Elliot. It happened to me. You don't get to make this about you. You weren't sexually assaulted, you weren't burned, you were-"

"It did happen to me!" he yelled startling her. "We are married. What happens to you happens to me!" He stammered closer to her and instinctively she took a step back.

"We weren't married then," she counters and she knows it's a weak defense but she needed to tell him something because she's pissed that somehow he's made this about him.