Break (A Kylo Ren Fanfic)

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"Ready?"

I look up at Kylo as he escorts me to the hangar. He is wearing his regular black outfit as he walks with such power and intimidation. It never ceases to amaze me how much respect he receives from everyone on the base and it makes me almost wish I had that kind of reverence.

"Sure," I say blandly, knowing that he's aware of my feelings towards this whole situation.

I agreed to this idea in the beginning of my stay here, thinking that I wouldn't mind because I valued my life so little at that point. I didn't have a reason to not be okay with the mission.

Now, I have so many different reasons to not want to go.

I got caught up in all of the training, and fighting, and feeling of being here that I now regret everything.

Yes, I actually enjoyed most of the bantering and fighting between Kylo and I, and despite all of the bad things that happened in the midst of that, I don't want to leave it.

I would rather go back to the way life was before because it was easier to leave. I wasn't attached to anyone or anything there.

Now that I'm minutes from leaving, I accept that I am attached to this place. Whether it's the people, the training, or just the freedom from my old life that I love, but it keeps me reluctant about leaving. I have no choice, though.

Kylo takes a turn that I'm pretty sure will not lead us to the hangar, but I keep my mouth shut. I don't want to argue with him in my last few minutes of knowing him.

He's not as bad as I had originally thought.

Sure he has a superiority complex and doesn't honestly care for many aside from himself, but it's understandable. He's one of the highest in power of the First Order.

Sure he is full of himself and overestimates his abilities sometimes, but who can really blame him? He knows what he wants and he gets it.

My respect for Kylo has grown as I've gotten to know him and I see that he's a mostly normal person who has special abilities and more than normal stress falls upon his shoulders. He deals with it the way he has to.

Now, there's another thing about Kylo that is really hard for me to confess. I've seen a side of him that I know no one else has seen.

Kylo laughs, he smiles, and he cares. Those things aren't normally things people would think Kylo would do. But he does. He's not the robotic demon everyone makes him out to be. Sure he's done some pretty demented things, but I can't seem to hold anything against him.

He's treated me better than I had ever been treated earlier in my life before I met him. He may have hurt me in ways I didn't know were possible but he's also shown me how to feel.

I now know what true emotion is. I now know real passion, anger, sadness, and lust. I know jealousy, empathy, and something else I dare not admit, for I don't know if it's real.

I feel things for Kylo that I didn't think we're possible. It leaves me yearning to hear him say something or just to see his lips turn up into a smile. It's strange for me but I can't help it.

Leaving him means leaving all of those feelings and experiences behind that I've come to enjoy so much.

He's had an enormous effect on me and I wouldn't be who I am—a stronger, more fearless version of my former self—if it weren't for him.

I'm afraid that without him I will have no more confidence or diligence or will to fight.

I'm scared that without him, I will return to my former self and not know what to do if conflict arises.

I'm terrified that without him I will lose those feelings I've come to enjoy.

I'm horrified that I'll miss him.

I've never missed anyone before.

I've never loved anyone before.

Just a few steps down the hallway, Kylo grabs my arm and yanks me into a room I've never been in. I try to look around and see where we are, but before the door is even closed behind us, Kylo removes his helmet and throws it on the floor before grabbing my chin and smashing his lips against mine.

I react immediately, moving my lips against his fervently, trying to take in every single touch and feeling I'm experiencing.

I can't get enough of him and I know I can't have what I want at this moment so I settle for what I can have and shove my tongue forcefully into his mouth.

He reacts quickly and soon our tongues are pushing against each other and my body is pressed against his.

Eventually, we have to pull away. We are panting as we look at each other with wide eyes. Neither of us says anything for a while, but the hard breaths we release prevent complete silence.

"That won't be our last," he says quietly.

I stare at him with my mouth slightly open before a smile breaks on my face.

"Cmon, we have to go." Kylo turns to grab his helmet and right before he puts it on, he turns to see me following his every move with my eyes. He leans in and places a short but hard kiss on my lips before stepping away and putting his helmet on.

He grabs my hand and pulls me from the small room. Once were in the hall he releases me and begins leading me back to the hangar.

He returns to his normal perfectly straight posture and confident strides as we finish the walk to our destination.

I just stare at him as I take in his words. He seemed hopeful that that kiss wouldn't be our last.

I hope he was right.

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lyra's in love?

We shall see ;)

What about Kylo then?

Guys I'm gonna be honest and let you know that I have been struggling with writing lately and I'll try to get past that but it's hard for me to feel motivation and I don't know what to write. Help.

Love y'all! Thanks for the comments and votes!!

xx