Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 2

You let out a shaky breath as soon as you closed the door behind you. You shut your eyes as you rested your back against it, hand still on the handle as if you were trying to support yourself from falling to the ground.

"Here we go again" you whispered mostly to yourself as your head was upwards and you were looking at the ceiling.

You took in a deep breath and steadying yourself you averted your eyes and looked down at Mary that had her small back turned to you and was playing with her toys, not having yet realized what was going on.

How much you wished you were like her. Still that young and innocent, not having lived many things in your life and above all not having experienced that feeling called love. Not having had your heart beat like that for a single person only for him (maybe without knowing) to have taken a firm hold of it and having crushed it to the point you thought there would not be anything left there. But there was and there is. For, even in its shattered state, you could still feel that weird beating of it that made you feel sick in your stomach- or maybe it was the butterflies dancing like crazy whenever he looked at you with that bright smile of his that you knew could lighten up a whole room.

Love was truly a magnificent and quite weird feeling that you had yet to comprehend. You had to agree with those that said love could only be felt once and at the face of one. That was true love and sadly you had come to realize it yourself. Indeed it was sad. It was sad because you watched him every time with another woman, sometimes the same, and even if you felt your heart beat once again weirdly in your chest because of the look in his eyes and the butterflies go crazy in your stomach, at the same time your felt your stomach tighten and the weird beating of your heart was at the same time the most painful one. There were moments that you wondered if plunging a dagger in your heart would hurt less than seeing Dean in the arms of another one and you had to admit at least to yourself that the thought of actually doing just that- stabbing yourself or at least hurting yourself in any other way, had crossed your mind quite often.

But you didn't. You knew you had to stay strong and even if it was not for your own self at least for that little creature that had come to actually need you more then her own-

"Mom? Are you coming to play with me?" Mary's soft voice broke your trail of thoughts and only then did you realize she had turned to look at you, having just momentarily stopped her playing.

You shook your head slightly as if trying to shake all the thoughts off and putting on a smile on your face you walked closer towards her "Of course sweetie" you said softly and she smiled brightly up at you as you came to sit down next to her on the carpet.

She handed you one of her dolls as you started playing with her. A small smile was on your lips, barely noticeable but at least it was a true one and it only got bigger when you saw that bright smile of hers spread over her lips. Oh how it reminded you of Dean.

At that moment you felt a pang in your heart. She was so much like him and that actually... hurt. Your movements stopped as you just stared down at her, not that she realized anything, instead she kept playing with her dolls mumbling a few things here and there, making small noises and a few humming sounds but most of the time she would just say things, as if it was her doll talking. Incoherent things but when they came from her they sounded like the most beautiful things you'd ever heard in the word. Well, the most beautiful things other than-

"Mom? Are you ok?" she asked, looking up at you with a small frown that made her look all the more adorable.

"Yes dear. I'm fine" you rubbed the small of her back with you hand and she seemed to be at ease again as she started playing with her dolls.

Silence had follow - sort of - but her words kept being repeated in your mind. Just like every other time.

Mom.