Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 16

And that was exactly the state Dean found you in the moment he walked in, a little later.

He felt his heart drop. It felt like a stab to the chest. You and Sam were snuggling close to each other, his head resting on top of yours like you were some couple. A smile was on both your faces even if you were sleeping which actually made Dean's heart ache even more. That was certainly not how friends would be- Dean could say it for sure. Even if you were friends, for now, Dean felt as if he could see it flash in front of his eyes. Both of you realizing that you had so many things in common that the possibility of a relationship sounded great. And then both of you wanting to try going out on a date and then another one and another one, and the first kiss would come, and then your first time together and- Dean felt as if he couldn't breath.

The thoughts clouded his vision.

Glancing at Mary he could now imagine how much of a great family you would have. You, a kid or two and Sam. No Dean. Never Dean in that place. He could see the smile on your face as Sam proposed you. The wedding. The kids. Everything.

And as that Dean struggled to breath. He struggled to see through his blurry vision and even as that made his way out of the living room and straight to the kitchen. He supported his weight on the kitchen counter. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on breathing. In and out. In and out.

In vain. The image flashed through his eyes and he found himself clenched his teeth and fists. He wanted to punch something, break even. The amount of anger – and other feelings made him all the more angry. He shouldn't be feeling this way.

'Why?' he questioned himself just like he'd been doing for the past week.

Seeing you so close to Sam and in that way made an unknown feeling rise up inside him. A feeling he just knew he shouldn't have. Why? Because you simply were friends. And only that.

He should be happy for both you and Sam to finally find someone you went so well along with but that deep feeling of... jealousy inside him prevented him from being happy even in the least bit. He wanted to say it so that at least he could believe it but he knew he would be lying majorly. No he wasn't happy, he was never going to be happy at that. No matter how much he forced himself to say it in his head so that he believed it. He needed to believe it.

He knew Sam was an amazing guy and he really deserved someone like you. Hell you were the best he could ever come around. He really had no other word to describe you other than perfect. In his eyes at least. And he knew that you really deserved someone as good as Sam, handsome, fun, kind, sweet, successful, not a drunk and all around perfect. He knew you deserved someone just like him- him and not Dean for sure.

But why did that hurt him so much more than he ever thought it would?

These feelings, they were just getting even worse as time passed by. First he'd feel that bugging feeling inside him that just itched him to do something when a guy was around you but he only wanted to attribute it to the fact that he saw you like his little sister that he needed to protect from all those assholes- let's ignore the fact that he had shamelessly flirted with you when you first moved in next door.

But now things were different. So much more different than Dean would have ever expected. After the wedding he knew he started seeing you differently but now he could see it for sure. It was crystal clear that Dean's feelings for you were much more than friendly. You meant more than just a friend to him, much more than any other woman ever would and certainly much more than he ever thought was possible. He never thought he would get to feel this way for someone. Yet here he was.

And he knew it was so very wrong. Because you were not what he – deep down – wished you were. You were only his friend, neighbor, babysitter but only that. Nothing more. Never anything more.