Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 19

To say your head hurt like hell would be an understatement. Sure you've had worse hangovers before but this one could certainly not be described as something that was going to pass soon. It wasn't only the alcohol after all. The tears you had let roll down your cheeks once your head hit the pillow, and the sobs that shook your body as you clutched the pillow in your fists, were a major contributory factor. You couldn't help it. You were too numb to keep them back.

You hadn't had so many drinks the night before – not that you could remember anyway – but you were sure that with Sam there he wouldn't have let you have much.

Sam.

You didn't remember much of what had happened last night- You wished you could say. But it was a lie. You did. You remembered everything. Not just when he offered to be there for you to talk to and to drink with. You remember how he held you when you could not longer keep your tears- truth was you enjoyed the warmth of his body, or how his arms wrapped around you. Guilty, yes you were, but the comfort which he offered you meant so much more than anything else.

And then of course you remembered everything else that had happened after that. The many more drinks after that, Sam insisting to escort you home and then of course what had happened at the porch of your house. And gosh did you remember everything you had drunkenly spilled.

You wanted to crawl under a hole and die there if you could. The embarrassment that you felt at the mere memory of it was hard to describe, much less thinking of what you would do when he came over this morning. Because he was going to, you had asked him after all. And as hard as it was to believe it you didn't regret it that much. If being in Sam's company could offer you the freedom you longed for from your problems, even for a few hours, then you were more than willing to see him more and more often. Maybe even there was that small greedy part of you – the one you hid even from yourself and the same one that had spilled everything to him the previous night – that just enjoyed his company... more than in a friendly way.

Your heart felt heavy and you found it hard to breath as you realized it. It wasn't only that you found it hard to believe the new feelings but also that you knew – up until now – that said feelings were only meant to be there in the thought of Dean.

Dean.

His name still brought the same kind of feelings. Your heart beat in a weird way as before but then there was a pang in it that made you want to cry more than smile. Cry to no end. But you were set on not letting it get to you. He was moving on and you had to that in the very end. You needed to do so for yourself. If that's what he wanted you to do then you had to woman up and let him go. You were not going to do that to yourself. Maybe you deserved something good. Sure you wanted nothing else but Dean. But if you were not going to live that dream then so be it. Reality was a nightmare after all.

Or maybe not so much. The kiss that happened last night still brought butterflies to you. You still remembered how warm his breath was against your face as he leaned down. It felt as if you could still smell his cologne as he moved closer to you and pressed his lips to your cheek. Because of course, he was a gentleman. You'd expect no less from him. He didn't want to do anything that you probably wouldn't want to.

A groan left your lips as you heard the doorbell ring. You were awake for about an hour but refused to get up from bed. Whenever you dared to get up just sightly, you felt dizzy. But now you had to get up because- Sam was there.

Your eyes snapped open "Shit" you grumbled under your breath.

First he had to hear all of that last night and now he'd get to see you right out from bed, looking, well, awful.

"Coming!" you shouted, stopping for a second as you felt a wave of dizziness rush through.

You shook slightly your head. You tried to soothe down your hair, taking a quick glance at yourself in the mirror. You rolled your eyes, groaning at how you looked.