Friends after all - Dean Winchester x Reader

Chapter 30

"D-Dean?" you couldn't keep the frown off, your tears watery "Wh-what is i-" but you didn't have time to complete your sentence because he cut you off, and his words knocked all air out of your lungs.

"I love you, (Y/n)" he confessed with a pained look on his face as he voice cracked and he locked his watery eyes with your wide ones.

"I'm in love with you."

"W-what?" your voice was so low you doubted he even heard you because you had a hard time hearing yourself; or maybe it was because of all the blood rushing to your ears.

"I'm in-" were the two first words he dared utter before you laughed with a shake of your head. He only frowned, tilting his head to the side.

"Whow seriously, that's- that's really low, even for you." you breathed out after a while, although every laugh hurt like a stab to the heart. Because yes Dean was kidding – he had to be kidding – and yet you found part of you believing him and even grater part of you hoping he was saying the truth.

If only you knew.

"I'm-" he paused for a second before he shook his head "I'm not joking (Y/n)."

"You're... not." you breathed out and this once your breathing was surely unsteady "Cut the crap Dean." you clenchedyour jaw, going completely serious.

"(Y/n), I need you to understand I am-"

"What?!" you cut him off "What Dean? You are serious? You really expect me to believe you are serious about this?! No." you pursed your lips shaking your head, you wanted to force a laugh but it died out.

"You're joking, you have to be joking." you shook your head.

"I'm not- I'm- I'm serious, (Y/n). I am in love with you, I have always been." his eyebrows knitted together as he looked at you with a pained expression, but he deserved it all of it. And all that was to come.

"No, no no." you shook your head furiously "You- you aren't. You- you have never been, all those women-"

"I was trying to forget you." he confessed in a low voice "(Y/n) please-" his hand took hold of yours but the contact didn't last long as you snatched your hand from his.

"Don't touch me!" you all-but-screamed at him and Dean's eyes widened as a hurt expression took over.

"You- you can't- no you can't come here, not now a-and tell me- tell me that-"

"I love you, (Y/n), I need you to believe me, please." he pleaded, his heart aching even more at seeing you like this.

"Stop it! Stop saying that! Stop!" you shouted "You don't- you don't love me, you cannot love me! You areincapable of love, Dean Winchester!" tears were rolling down your cheeks but you couldn't help but scream.

"Say it, say whatever you want I- I won't blame you. You are right, everything I did-" he stopped himself, pursing his lips as he looked down "I was wrong."

"Wrong? Wrong?!" you were furious by now "You think?!"

"You have every right to be angry at me, I- I messed up everything (Y/n). Not just my life but yours and Sam's as well. I will never forgive myself for what I've done. But I love you, I need you to believe that." his eyes were pleading with you but your head was swimming with thoughts to even be able to comprehend that.

"No, no no no." you shook your head furiously once more, running frustrated hand through your hair "You're not- this isnot- this can't be real, I'm- I'm dreaming right? I have to be dreaming." you were almost starting to feel dizzy, your stomach tight in knots and a lump in your throat that kept you from breathing properly. Your eyes burned with unshed tears.