Saving Chloe [5SOS Fanfic] *SLOW UPDATES*

chapter five

-Chloe's Perspective-

I'm finally alone.

Finally able to cry a river in my room.

Finally able to drown myself in my tears.

Am I ever going to find out a way to tell Ashton I like him?

But c'mon Chloe, you don't believe in love, you idiot.

My face tenses up, my shoulders holding a great burden. And the tears flow right off my face. So effortlessly, it was incredible.

I didn't understand what was wrong. Why wasn't it so easy for me to just tell him?

Why wasn't it so easy for him to just tell me?

It was all wrong. Everything.

Every single boy that enters this house always falls for Sam.

Sam. Sam. Sam.

Always.

She was always the prettier one, the smarter one, the picture perfect girl, the lovely looking girl that everybody loves. She was stunning, even in a girl's eye

Ashton likes her. I mean, he has to, right?

That's why its been so hard to tell him.

And this is exactly why I didn't believe in love.

Because I couldn't risk losing the friendship that Ashton and I had.

But I was losing it already. Its been slipping right through my fingertips. Right in front of me, every second of the day.

I open up my laptop, typing in 'youtube.com' and plan to listen to a song I could relate to right now.

In the search bar, I type in 'The First Cut is the Deepest by Sheryl Crow.

I usually listened to punk and all that, but I thought country would fit this moment.

I sing along with Sheryl, our voice aligning together.

I was definitely not the best singer, but me and Ashton always promised we wouldn't laugh, and so now I was confident enough to sing whenever.

The song finishes and before you know, I'm typing the next song to listen to without thinking.

Terrible Things by Mayday Parade.

I knew I wasn't fully old enough to completely understand and experience this song, but at this moment, it was the closest song I thought would make me feel different.

I sang along once again, starting to cry even harder when it starts singing my favorite part:

"Too young to notice. To dumb to care,

Love was a story that couldn't compare."

Then I cried harder when he sings the most touching part:

"She said, 'boy can i tell you a terrible thing?

It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.

Please, dont be sad now, I really believe you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

Slow, so slow. I fell to the ground. So don't fall in love, theres to much to lose."

I couldn't take it all in. I planted my head in my arms, sobbing so hard my head started to throb. I could feel the water fill up in my eyes as I shut them and then the tears falling quickly down my cheeks.

I've never felt this way before.

I started biting my lip and chipping off bits and parts of my nails. My eyes reddening every second.

"Why Chloe? Why now?" I yelled at myself.

I destroyed my hair, moving it carelessly away from my face. I destroyed my smile, the one that Ashton always complimented, shutting it completely.

I could still taste the salty tears that escaped from my eyes. And the pressure on my shoulder heavening quickly.

I felt my feet hang short on my bed, heavier than ever. And my fingernails shorter than I've ever bit them. I could feel my lip become numb from all the biting, and then the weight of my body trying so hard to move.

This was reality, but it was also my worst nightmare, my worst enemy, my most frightening moment.

Ashton was the one who was always there for me to cry on, but now I was alone.

Empty.

Useless.

There was no Ashton to cry on now.

(A/N: If you know where this is headed and you dont want to read it, then I dont mind. I just tend to write better with real life situations. Sorry and thanks for reading this far though :))

And thats when I couldn't take it any longer at all. I stuggled to find it. My arms flared everywhere, through the drawers and under my bed. And then I found it.

The razor stared back at me, its blades shining from the dim light.

I grabbed at the razor, tearing it apart as if insane. The blades popped out of the razor sides, and before I knew it, I had grabbed one blade.

I knew this was wrong, I knew I shouldn't cut, not in any case. But I needed to.

I felt insane, yet it felt so right.

The blade glided on top of my wrist, but it didn't go through.

I've never cut before. And I had expected it to go through, but I guess I'd have to stab myself.

The blazor finally went through. My eyes watered. I was numb and couldn't feel the blade go through.

It was as if the blade was doing all the work for me. The blood slipped down onto the floor. And as I slid the blade a second time, I imagined Ashton playing with my hair, smiling so hard.

I looked back down at my wrists, which had 4 large lines across it.

What am I doing, I thought.

But my numb body asked for more pain, as if saying "Its now or later. You're going to do it anyways. "

And so I helplessly dug the sharp blade even deeper into my wrists.

Memories flash through my mind, but its to much to take in.

To much to recognize the moments with Ashton.

It was all a big blur of Ashton's perfection, and then its all gone.

I was empty now.

No tears to shead, no love to spare, no life to live.

And then everything's black.

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A/N: Oh my god, you actually read this far.

Im so terribly sorry for writing this.

This goes with the novel so please dont do the same. Later you'll see what happens.

I am aware that this is extremely deep and that this happens everyday in teen lives unfortunately :(

This is just a novel guys. PLEASE PLEASE DO NoT CUT. I BEG YOU.

Please inbox me if you can relate at all and I swear I try my best to help to you.

Please dont cut, seriously you're going to make me cry.

Please vote and comment what you think. thank you for reading. I love you guys and please remember that.

-jenjen