Hail

Sixteen

I can feel tears burn at my eyes as Jakob talks and I want to tell him to stop, that I cannot endure to hear anymore. Each word is like a physical blow to my already battered and bruised body. His confession of love would once have been enough to bring me joy for the rest of my days, but now these words will do nothing but bring us pain. "Jakob, please,"       

His eyes come to mine and the love that I see there, the devotion he is showing is more than I can bear. I feel like I am drowning in it and I can feel my heart start to crack. "Reyalyn, I know that you are engaged to another man, but maybe we can change that now. I know you have no say in who you marry. I know that it is a strategic choice made by your father, but we have been hoping that there would be a way that we could be together. I have held you while you cried at the thought of having to marry someone else. We have spent so many nights talking of how we wished that there was a way to be together. I think we have a chance now." The words are pouring out of him, as if he feels that there is a small window of time in which he can say them all. "I saved your life. Your life and the life of your betrothed. I risked my life to save yours. I brought you back to your father alive. Your father has always thought of me as unworthy to marry you, that my station was not high enough. Maybe now, maybe now that he has seen that I can protect you that I would die for you, he has already told me that he owes me a debt for saving you. Maybe he will allow us to be together." There is such hope in his voice and eyes that I cannot bear to look into his face.

"You think my father may allow us to marry? That he would cancel the marriage contract that he has already negotiated and allow for you to marry me?" My voice sounds strange, it is not hope that changes the tenor though Jakob does notice.

His eyes are so bright with excitement. "I think we have a chance, it may not be as advantageous a marriage as the one he has negotiated with the Duke, but he has Elisa still to find a husband for. The king has already said that there will be a reward for saving your life. This may be our only chance. If he grants me more land or a position at court it would cause my station to rise. A rise in station that could put me within reach of your hand."

I cannot look at him. I cannot look into the eyes of the one that I have said I love over and over again while I break his heart. "Even if you are given a rise in station, even if it would make you 'acceptable' to marry, we both know that my father will never break the contract that he has made unless you could offer something better than what he is gaining from the Duke. We both know that you cannot." My voice sounds factual and cold. I turn my eyes back to Jakob. He drops my hand and leans back in the chair, his eyes dark.

"Do you not wish to marry me anymore? All this time you have told me that you love me and you want to marry me, but your father would not allow it. Was that a lie?"

"No, it was not a lie. I did love you."

"And it is put in the past so easily?" I see the anger in his eye and I know that I deserve it. "Were you amusing yourself with me until your father secured a suitable match for you? Was I some poor boy for you to play with my feelings?"

His words hurt. "No. You know that I did love you, and I believe if things were different we could have found happiness together."

"But now that there is a slight chance of our happiness you do not even wish to try."

"There is no future for us and you know that. You know how this works. I am a royal and royals marry whoever is most beneficial to the realm. I have no love to offer to you. I have not future to offer to you. The memories that I have with you, they are wonderful and beautiful and I will treasure them for all of my days, but there will never be anything more than memories. There is nothing left but gratitude for saving my life."