Hail

Thirty-two

I do my best to listen to Elisa as she talks, but my mind is still clouded with sleep and it is hard for me to focus on whatever story she is telling. I have promised her this time of day as ours; however, today it is harder for me to concentrate. It took me a while to calm all of the emotions that were swirling through me after the ordeal with Jakob to be able to settle into sleep. Once it came my mind was filled with a parade of images all mashed together that ended with the sound of the axe falling. I had worried that I would regret my choice once some time had passed, but even in the morning light of a new day, I know that Jakob's execution was the only choice. If I had offered him exile or a lashing, I feel with certainty that he would have eventually come back. It would have been a lingering thought in the back of my mind, a worry that would have never fully gone away until I had heard of his death. It is better this way. Jakob can cast a shadow on my life no longer. 

"I spoke to Eleanora last night." I turn my attention back to Elisa as she is speaking. Her tone holds a note of seriousness that is typically lacking. "She mentioned that she had talked to you and that you had suggested she leave the castle and go back to her home for a while."

Elisa's tone makes me feel that I must defend myself. "I was not ordering her to leave; I was simply suggesting that she might find more comfort there than here. I was trying to help her ease her pain."

"But she came here for this to be her new home, surely this is the best place for her, at least for a while."

"Yes, she did come here for this to be her home, her new home with Valeous. She came here to marry him and start a life with him, but that didn't happen and now she is here and she has no role. She is not a wife or a widow but a former fiancé. I will not force her to leave, as I promised Valeous I would make certain she was cared for, but yes, if you wish to know, I feel it would be best if she left here, rather than haunt the halls with her grief." Elisa's expression makes me feel as if I must apologize and I try to soften the tenor of my voice. "She is always welcome to come back here, Elisa. I am not suggesting exile. When she is ready to seek another husband, she is welcome to come here to find a suitor. I will even aid her in her search for a suitable husband."

"That seems rather cold. To tell her that it is best she leave, but is welcome when she wishes to marry another. To make it seem that if she is not going to marry our brother she has no place at the castle."

"I am not trying to be cold, Elisa, I am being practical. She says she sees Valeous all throughout this castle. She has no distance from the memories here, and all those memories do is cause her pain."

"We have no distance from our memories, and yet here we remain. You are not forcing me to get over my pain or be sent away."

"Because this is our home." I can feel a headache starting to form and my patience starting to falter. I do not wish to have this argument. "I am not sending Eleanora away. She may stay as long as she wishes, even if it does not help her. I was simply trying to make things easier for her. The subject is now closed."

Silence falls in the room. I look at the food on my plate, but am no longer hungry.

"Being queen has changed you already." Her voice is soft, but that does not change the impact of her words. I raise my eyes to Elisa's, but I do not answer her.

A knock interrupts and gives me a chance to divert my mind to other things. Tomas steps into the dining room. This has become part of my morning routine. Tomas arrives as we eat breakfast to alert me of anything that requires my attention. This morning I am grateful to see the stack of papers in his hand.

I set my plate off to the side and turn my attention to the papers he sets before me as he takes his seat. "Good morning, your majesty."

"Good morning, Tomas. What is it that requires my attention this morning?" I ask as I flip through the pages. It does not take me long to notice what they are.