Hail

Thirty

There is a knock on the door of the library that pulls me from my reading. While I spent so much time avoiding this room, now that father is gone I have found myself spending a great deal of my time here. It is one of the rooms I have refused to let them redecorate. I understand the idea that the castle must reflect the one who rules it, but it feels wrong to erase all remnants of father and Valeous save for a few portraits that hang along the halls. This room will stay as it is now. I feel closer to father here, as if surrounded by his books and maps and writings I have a greater idea of what advice he would give me for what I should do. I can find his guidance within these walls and it helps keep at bay the feeling that I am drowning in the midst of my inexperience. There are many willing to give me their advice, many who are willing to insist that they know what I should do, but none of them have ever worn the crown. None of them have ever had to keep the balance of a country. None of them have the burden of knowing that whatever words they utter become law. None of them have ever felt the weight of an entire nation resting on their shoulders. Father is the only one I can turn to and I seek his guidance wherever I may find it. 

I turn toward the door as the guard stationed outside opens it and Ronan steps inside. He appears unsure and confused as to why I sent for him. While he used to be at my side almost constantly, we have not spoken since he returned from battle. He bows slightly, his eyes on the floor. "Your majesty."

When he stands and I can see his eyes, I see the change in him. It is the same change that I have noticed in many of the men who were at the scene of the battle. It is the same look I have seen in the eyes of the older warriors. There is a darkness to his eyes that wasn't there before, a distance that appears almost as sadness. I do not ask him about it, as I do not desire to bring him pain by making him speak of it. It is his burden to share with whomever he chooses. "Ronan, I have a job for you, if you would like it."

The corner of his mouth turns up slightly. "Your majesty, if you have a job for me, I cannot refuse it."

I smile slightly at his words, though they do hold truth and are yet another reminder of the weight I feel on my shoulders and the greater distance that is now between us. "This one you can." I gesture to the nearby chairs and we sit. "I am sure you are familiar with the King's Guard."

"They were the specially selected guards who were in charge of the personal protection of your father, the king."

"Yes, and now most of them have become part of the Queen's Guard. However, there were a couple who wished to retire from service and one who died in battle, so I find myself in need of replacements." I look to his eyes as I want him to see my sincerity. "You have been my personal guard for years, Ronan, there is no one I trust more with my safety. I would like you to become the head of the Queen's Guard. However, if you do not wish to change from your current position, I will not force you. I do not wish to be resented by those who are charged with my protection."

"I do not resent you, but I am not sure that those who were part of your father's guard will take kindly to this positon being given to one who is new to the guard when others have put in many years of service."

"There is a chance some will be upset by it as they have more experience with the king, but you are the only one that has experience guarding me. You know how much distance to give me where I am still safe yet do not feel that I am being suffocated. Plus, I know I can trust you."

"You can trust the men your father chose as well."

"Yes, I know that they will make sure that I am not harmed, and will make me aware of any valid threat, but I trust you with more than just my physical safety. As the head of the guard, you will be privy to information that others will not and I trust you to keep that information to yourself. I do not know the temperament of the others yet. I know you are not one to be tempted to gossip."