"What's up with you today?" Kirstie called. "You've been acting weird all day and you didn't even show up at Math."
I sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just...had a very big thing to deal with."
"So are you okay now?"
I blinked. "What?"
"Did you take care of the 'thing' you had to do?"
I nodded, getting in my car. Kirstie followed. "Yeah...I did."
Kirstie smiled. "Good. Hey can I come over tonight? My mom and dad ain't gonna be home and I feel a little lonely."
I sighed. It couldn't go on like this.
"Kirstie."
She stared. "What?" Then she saw my face. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"
"I know you like me."
There was a long silence. Kirstie sighed deeply like she knew it was coming.
"...I know" She said after a while. "And I'm sorry. I know it must've been hard, trying to avoid me."
I shook my head. "No I never tried to avoid you, I SWEAR. You're always going to be my good friend and-"
"And what if I don't want that?!"
"....What?"
"What if I'm selfish? I don't want to be your friend, Scott. I want to be more than that. I want to be your everything."
"You are my everything, Kirstie. It's just... I can't love you. I'm sorry but-"
"You're gay, I know! I know it so you don't rub it in my face. But that's not gonna stop me loving you."
"Oh fuck Kirstie I'm sorry."
"Why do you have to be sorry?" Tears streamed down her face. "It's me that's loving someone I shouldn't."
"KaeBae-"
"I'm sorry...." Kirstie wiped her face. "I'm really really-"
"K please don't cry. My heart breaks when you do. I'm sorry."
"There you go again. Mr. nice pants. Shout at me! Curse! Why do you have to be so nice? It's making me harder and harder to stop loving you, why don't you ever shout at me, for fucks sake?!"
"Because even though I can't go out with you, I still love you. When I ran away and mom and dad drifted apart, you became the only person in the world that I care about. You mean that much to me and I never want to lose you."
"Scott Hoying, you bastard...."
"Come here."
I held her.
We got in my car and cuddled for hours. I downloaded a movie and we watched it together.
Not girlfriends.
Bestfriends.
