Hi guys. In honor of 9/11 I would like to make a meaningful chapter. I know it might seem hectic, but it's also meaningful. This goes out to everyone who has ever lost a loved one, expecting them to come home but they never did. I just felt the need to make something about losing a loved one. Although it has nothing to do with this specific event, it still has the same meaning hidden in there. Here is my shout out to everyone who knew or lost someone in the 9/11 accident. Stay strong. I love you all. <3
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"Time to go guys, sorry." Maria stood in my doorway. She seemed to be in a way better mood. I didn't feel complete hatred towards her at this moment. Liam looked over at me from the floor, his phone in his hands. I swear this boy hadn't taken his eyes off of his phone all night, along with Harry. They were definitely the teens of this century, that's for sure.
Trevor and Sam were the first two to leave. It was most likely because Niall and Liam were so used to being in here, it always took them atleast an hour to leave even after they said they would go. Niall was laying across the floor, throwing and catching a random bouncy ball I had. As you could see, our group was very productive.
"Bye guys." I called out as Trevor and Sam left out of my room. I didn't have the energy in me to get up and walk them out the door like a perfect house guest. For goodness sakes I didn't even make dinner, let alone tag along with them to McDonalds. I would be such a bad party hostess.
"Come on Harry, you want me to take you home?" Maria smiled down at him, her eyes showing nothing but love. I remembered that look from my mum. The shining eyes as she peered down at her own child. It was a magical feeling, really. There was nothing I wanted right now more than that feeling of my mum caring for me.
"Yes please." he gleamed back up at her. His face was practically glowing towards her. I had never seen him smile sincerely; everytime he smiled it was more of a smirk or smug look. It was different.
"I'll go get my shoes and keys and we can go, mmkay?"
He nodded and went back to his phone, a sincere smile still across his face. She walked down the stairs to get ready. "She really is like a mum to you, yeah?" Liam asked Harry as he looked up from his cell. Harry adjusted his entire body towards him from the corner of the room.
"She is my mum. Pretty much." Harry confirmed. I felt something inside of me rumble. Was it my heart aching? I thought so. There was nothing more upsetting than a conversation revolving around mothers. It usually overwhelmed me and Liam knew that for sure.
"Do you love her?" Liam asked. I wasn't sure why he was asking so many questions about Harry and Maria's relationship. I assumed it was because he wanted to get an insight of the feelings of someone without their real mum or dad. It made complete sense when I thought about it, but why did he have to do it now?
"She's a really good mum. I'd choose her over my real mum any day." Harry announced to Liam. Liam shot him a look of interest, showing that he was intrigued in the conversation. Here we go. Liam asked if that was so. "Yeah. Maria is the sweetest, most caring and loving woman I know. I don't know what I'd be without her and Lou."
I couldn't help but feel myself tear up. Not only was the subject of mothers touchy with me, but it was also humiliating. The fact that Harry thought she was some amazing women when all she's done is treat me like shit. I'd give anything to have MY mum instead of this lousy girl. It was as if she had a Harry switch or something to turn her into a decent human being while in his presence.
"You should appreciate your real mum nonetheless." I butt in. I didn't know his back story or how things happened with Harry, but there's no reason he shouldn't be greatful that his parents brought him into this world. There was nothing more sickening than not respecting your own parents.
"Mind your own business." he didn't even look in my direction, yet kept a conversation going with Liam.
"No. You should be greatful." My dad used to always call me ungreatful for the silliest little things. For not using my car, for not wanting to eat dinner, and any other thing along those lines.
"Dannica, calm down." Liam warned me, knowing I was going to go off on a spiel or break down. There were just times when Liam knew exactly what was going on, and for that I was more than thankful. He looked at me with wide eyes to see my reaction.
"Sorry Liam." I apologized. He looked at me questioningly. Did I feel like talking about this right now? Maybe I could guilt Harry into leaving me alone. It was the easy way out, yes. It was also a coward thing to do. But it was pretty smart.
"I need a hug." I whispered and Niall was quick to come onto the bed. He wrapped his arms around me and I fell into his grip. He laid down and I rested my head on his chest, the same way I used to do with Mackenzie. Mackenzie; she would understand me right now. "Liam I miss her." a tear fell down my face.
"I know." he replied from across the room.
"Liam, do you remember that day?" I questioned, to see if he could relate to me in any way at all right now. There was a long sigh, followed by a 'one of my most vivid memories'. I broke down before I could even continue with my thoughts. I violently wiped away the tears, acknowledging that Harry was in the room aswell.
"Same." Niall sighed along.
"I remember my dad leaving in a frenzy while Mack and I were eating nachos." A partial giggle escaped my lips as I thought about melting cheese on chips in the microwave with Mackenzie. We used to do it all the time together, as it was by far our favorite snack.
"And when I found out, I remember laying in bed with the lights on, convincing myself that I had to stay awake until my mum came home to kiss me goodnight. I layed in bed for a week straight, just waiting for her to step through my door and smile at me." I explained slowly. "I would kill to see that smile again, honestly. She was gorgeous."
"She really was." Niall interrupted. We all had such a close relationship with my mum, it was unbelievable, really.
"Sometimes I just feel like I wish we switched places that day." I began to make embarrassing noises from crying as I thought about it being me. If I never had to go through everything I've gone through, including Harry. I could have escaped so much torture and pain. "She's never going to know when I got my first boyfriend. She's never going to watch my graduate this year."
"She kissed me goodbye that morning before we went to school. I left for school with Mack, my last words to her being, 'Can I have five bucks mum? Thanks.' How lousy of me, Niall. Can you believe those were the last things she ever heard from my mouth, Liam?" I raised my voice a bit, growing angry with myself.
"You should always make sure the last words you say to someone are ones that you'd be okay with if you never saw them again. It's the worst feeling in the world. You should never have to regret what you say for the rest of your life," I sobbed embarrassingly, "God I hate my life." I whispered, my voice cracking.
"Dani you have nothing to hate." Liam scolded me in the kindest manner he could, "You're beautiful and funny and perfect." he complimented me as I sobbed. I gripped onto the sheets of my bed, letting all of my stress out on the cloth.
"Fuck you Liam that's not true!" I shouted at him, my eyes squeezing shut together. I coughed from all of the tears, my voice becoming throaty. I was apalled at my language choice, but I couldn't help it. "If that was true my dad wouldn't hurt me! He wouldn't be mad at me because of my mum."
"Dannica, shh." Niall whispered in my ear, rubbing my arm softly. I turned my head sideways into his chest, curling my arm up as my body formed into a ball. I sucked in all of my tears and saliva. I gripped Niall's shirt the same way I gripped the bed. It was crazy how emotional I had gotten just because Liam began talking to Harry about Maria.
I thought of Harry again. How perfect was this- he had all the more reason to make fun of me. Something new to taunt me with or, even worse, use to blackmail me. And even with this thought occuring in my head, I still couldn't bring myself to stop the flow. There was no going back right now, and quite frankly I didn't care.
"I love her. I love her, I love her, I love her." I repeated into Nialls chest, not able to let any other thoughts flow. "I HATE YOU!" I sat up, turned around and stared directly at Harry. He stared back at me in shock, not quite sure of what happened. In all honesty, I was hardly sure why I said that to him.
"That's uncalled for Dani." Liam warned me.
"It's not fair! He gets to make me feel worthless all the time even though he gets love at home! I couldn't give any shits that they're not related! I don't even have a mum! I DON'T HAVE ONE!" I shouted maniacally, getting up from the bed, "Do you see now Harry? DO YOU?" I approached him with tears filling my eyes, "You make me miserable! Do I have to tell you that for you to stop?!" My fist clenched together.
"You're ruining my life! I hate you and I hate how you make me feel and I hate that you get to live a perfect life and I have to suffer!" I shouted angrily at him, cornering him farther into the wall. My fist was about ready to come down on his face, but my wrist was caught.
"Shhh." Maria soothed me, holding back my hands. Her body was practically leaned over mine, holding both of my arms and keeping me in place. "Calm down Dannica." she sweetly whispered to me. Why was she being so sweet?
"Why isn't my mum home yet?" I asked between clenched teeth, my face scrunched up while I cried out, "WHERE IS SHE?" I rose my voice directly in Harry's face, jumping at him ever so slightly, "Where is she..." my voice quietly trailed off.
"Time to go home guys." Maria turned her head, her grip still on me. Liam and Niall both agreed and began to walk out the door. "I'll be back in a little bit." Maria let go of my arms, letting my fall to the ground. I moved my legs in criss cross position as Harry stood up in front of me to leave. Everyone exited my room and I sat quietly on the floor.
I would cry for one second, then it'd be held in and I could think straight. All I wanted was to see my mom right now, or even re-live that day. I could change what I said. I could find a way to prevent her from getting in the car. I could change everything, and my life would be okay. I could feel the presence of someone standing in my doorway.
I looked up from the floor to see Harry towering above me. His hands were on either side of the doorway, his body leaning over so he could be closer to me. I imagined how horrid I looked right now. Smeared makeup and innocent, red, puffy eyes. There was nothing more attractive than a crying Dannica.
"I'm sorry about your mum." he said quietly and turned back down the stairs. Did he just?
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From idkanamewtf:
