I didn't know how to respond to Zayn at all. I knew I should have told them, but that wasn't part of my plan. Besides- Just within the few hours I had been gone, I was already happier than I was before. There was honestly nothing more that I wanted then to be with my grandmum, whether my best friends were miles away.
"Zayn I," I coughed out, not able to put words together. It was as if everyone's eyes were peering into mine from across the screen. All of them were waiting for me to say something. "Liam, it's just that," another sentence fragment.
Again they stayed silent and I looked over to everyone. "Niall I'm really sorry we," I started once again. "Look I wasn't prepared to talk to all of you about this." I cried out loud before burying my face into the pillow underneath me, a few tears spilling out.
"Dannica stop crying." Louis demanded over the screen. I looked up again and wiped my face. I rested my chin on my hand and stared at everyone, not saying a word.
"I know you're mad." I mumbled.
"Hell yeah we are." he scoffed.
"I know. I was going to tell you guys eventually." I tried to defend myself. It wasn't as if I was going to go missing off the face of the planet. I was still alive and in better condition than I could have been in.
"But it's okay." Liam intruded into Lou and I's conversation, catching me off guard. I tilted my head and stared at his image on the screen, waiting for him to continue on. Louis slapped him on the shoulder, giving him a death glare. The rest of the boys, and even Mack, looked at Liam the same way.
"Dani, look. It's been like a minute and you're already crying again. If you're that miserable then I'm very proud of you for making this decision." he said confidently, not caring what anyone else said.
"Thanks Liam." I softly smiled, feeling a million times better. Louis rolled his eyes.
"But if you were here, you'd have over 10 shoulders to cry on." Louis reminded me. He had a point, but it wasn't the most assuring thing he had ever told me.
"Yeah!" Niall butt in.
"Over 10 shoulders that belong to my lying best friends, right?" I asked him sarcastically, not amused. Liams response was way better than his- infact, Louis somewhat annoyed me. I loved him, Niall, Zayn and everyone who was agreeing with him, but he was wrong. Very wrong.
"I didn't lie to you." Louis defended himself once again.
"Oh really? Then who did?" I asked him eagerly, growing irritated.
"Not me Dani. I had no clue." Liam shook his head.
"I want Harry to tell me." I said confidently. They looked surprised at my response, but he was the only one who knew everything, right?
"Uh," Harry muttered from the back of the room. I stared at the screen, waiting for a response.
"Just go up there mate." Louis encouraged him. Soon enough, Harry was walking to the front of the laptop and taking Zayn's seat.
"Who knew?" I asked him harshly.
"Niall knew that day, Zayn and Mack found out on Liam's birthday, I never told Liam." he began to list off. Atleast I knew Liam wasn't lying, and Zayn was just pretending to be dumb. "Lou knew like, about you but he was kind of like," he trailed off, "he didn't know about the blog until like 2 days ago." he admitted.
"So Liam and Lou are my new best friends, sorry." I joked, cracking a half smile. It was the only thing I could do at this point. Smile and pretend that this is okay. At least I wasn't there anymore. It'd be too hectic. "So that's why my name sounded familiar, huh Louis?" I asked him, referring to the day we met.
"Oh yeah! I remember that." he chuckled loudly, moving up to the front and kicking Harry out of Zayn's seat. I smiled at all of them, feeling almost empty. The longer I stared at them, the more I felt like this was a bad decision. The horrible feelings were fading away, which was not good.
"I miss you guys." I blurted out randomly. They all looked at me with sincere looks.
"So are you coming back soon?" Zayn pleaded and I laughed. I shook my head and forced out a smile as I looked down, not meeting any of them eye to eye.
"I don't think I am. I just have a lot of things to think about. I'm starting over. I have to go my own way." I admitted to them.
"We were supposed to be in this together." Niall said softly, making me look back up. I knew what he meant. Him and I were going to graduate and go to uni together, having the best times of our lives.
"I'm already here." I told him quietly.
"Well you shouldn't be." he grunted.
"I'm sorry I left on bad terms with you guys." I apologized as Niall angrily grumbled to himself, his arms cross over his chest as he lowered into his seat more.
"It's fine Dani. We just want you to be happy." Zayn reassured me, making me smile the slightest bit. "Have fun, please? And be safe?" he asked cautiously, making me giggle.
"Of course."
"Well it's really late and we have school tomorrow." Zayn began, "I should get going."
"Yeah I forgot I'm like four hours behind." I shook my head to myself, looking at the time. 11 p.m, almost midnight.
"Yeah I'm going down to the school tomorrow." I shrugged, flipping over so I could lay down with my laptop on my stomach. I said my goodbyes to everyone and Zayn left with his laptop after we ended the call. I tossed and turned in my bed, not able to fall asleep. This was better. This was going to be way better.
~~~
My grandmum passed by our house after we went to the school to register. I stared out the window longingly, my face pressed against it as I groaned. "Nooo! Why?" I whined, not wanting to go anywhere else. I felt so out of place I just wanted to lock myself in my bedroom.
I was only terrified because of one thing- I did not like the school I just visited. My grandmum told me I had no other option because it was the closest school around, but I begged to differ. It was locked up and it even had a tired look and feel to it. The few students I did see walking around were so odd and made me uncomfortable.
"I'm hungry." she chuckled, giving me a kind smile.
"There's food at home!" I whined even more, staring through the back window at our house. She turned the corner and it was out of view, making me slump into my seat.
"I want a pretzel." she smiled cheekily, making me roll my eyes and sigh in defeat. She was lucky that pretzels were really good. I sat patiently in the car as she began to get out, once we made it to the mall.
"Come on, you have to come in." she leaned into the car and I unbuckled myself. I slowly got out, until I realized the faster I walked, the faster I would be able to go home. "Slow down speed racer!" she was practically jogging, trying to keep up with me.
I giggled and slowed down the slightest bit. She led me through the crowded walkway, past all of these strangers. I saw the pretzel place from down a bit of the way, making me grow over excited. She smiled huge as we came closer- we must have both loved food.
She chose a line, which happened to be a bit longer than the other two, making me frustrated. I didn't complain out loud, but just stood by her side patiently, texting Marina.
To Marina: so i actually hate it here...
From Marina: hahaha hello that's why i'm in london!
To Marina: ha ha very funny.
From Marina: hahah! trust me it's actually really amazing. i promise :)
To Marina: well there are a few cute boys ;-)
From Marina: OH GOSH THAT FACE THOUGH <3 It makes me uncomfortable with a nose. LOL. Besides, there's already a cute guy out here who really likes you soooo.......
To Marina: Ugh let's not talk about that...
From Marina: sorry ily x <3
To Marina: it's fine booboo;)<3
"What can I get you today, Sherri?" a boy asked my grandmum as we made it to the front. I stared at my phone, continuing to text Marina at the counter as she ordered our two pretzels, mine being the cinnamon sugar one. "Yep, let me get Kyra on it right now." he went back to tell a girl our orders.
"So how have you been?" the boy continued to talk with her.
"I've been great! Actually, my grand daughter has just moved out here, if she would just unglue her eyeballs from her phone for 5 darn seconds." my grandmum nudged me, making me drop my phone. Luckily, it landed on the metal counter without breaking.
"Oh erm," I muttered, finally looking up at the boy. He had tanned skin, dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes. His face was flawless, his lips full and pink. And his smile- more than just to die for. I felt my mouth drop open for a second at his sight, but I quickly recovered. "I'm Dannica." I introduced myself.
"Oh is this the girl you showed me the pictures of?" he asked my grandmum with a slight chuckle.
"Yeah. She's prettier in person, huh?" she asked him with a proud grin. I turned to look at her with glaring eyes, my face turning red. When I looked back at him he was chuckling to himself. Of course I wasn't prettier in person.
"I'm Ruben." he finally told me his name, and all I could respond with was a smile. The girl apparentely named Kyra came up to him and handed him our two pretzels, making my insides melt with joy. Maybe getting pretzels wasn't a bad idea.
"What school do you go to Ruben?" my grandmum asked him casually.
"JHS." he replied smoothly.
"See Dani, you'll atleast know one person." she rested her hand on my shoulder, trying to reassure me. It wasn't actually reassuring though- I didn't know him and this was pretty embarrassing to begin with.
"Oh! Well if you're going to JHS, maybe I can help you out tomorrow?" he half-asked me, turning his head to the side and squinting to see if it was something I'd rather enjoy. Hell yeah I want your help babe. You can help me anytime you like. I mean look at you... yum. My inner ego spoke to me, making me feel flustered.
"Sure. Thanks." I smiled and nodded once. My grandmum and I began to turn away, walking back to the car.
"Don't forget your phone!" he called after us, making me quickly turn back and practically jog over there. He held it out for me to grab and I greatfully took it, feeling relieved. He shot me a quick grin and a "see you tomorrow" and with that, I left with my grandmum.
"He's cute, right?" she asked me as we took a seat back in her car. I sighed and grunted, running my hands through my hair.
"That's the cute boy you wanted to hook me up with?" I giggled to her, sounding somewhat upset.
"Yes! Is that a problem?" she began to put the car in reverse.
"Well I thought old people thought every boy was cute!" I giggled once more, trying to make it sound less offensive.
"Well now you have to admit that I am an old person who has good taste in boys." she winked at me, making sure the smile never left my face. She was right. He was cute.
~~~
"So I met this boy today." I told Louis over Skype. I meant to call Liam, but I accidentally clicked Louis. I guess you could call it... an Accidental Skype Call.
OKAY I AM SO DONE WITH MYSELF CAN I DELETE THAT LINE. LOLOLOLOLOLOL FUCKING STUPID XD
"Dannica! No meeting boys!" he scolded me with a smile, obviously not meaning it.
"I know, I know." I shook my head as I laughed with him.
"But really. What's Harry going to think?" he asked me seriously, making me frown. My eyelids shut for a few seconds as I took a long, deep breath. Why did everything have to be about Harry now? I had easily kept my mind off of Harry all day, up until now.
"I don't know Lou. Give me a break, will you? I just want to go a day in America without thinking about Harry."
"So you've been thinking about him?" he asked me cautiously.
"Not until now!" I hissed suddenly, scaring my own self.
"And what are you thinking?" he asked me in an intrigued manner. I thought about it for a second. What was I thinking? What did I even think at this point in time? I wasn't ready to move past anything, but I had already admitted to myself that I fell for him. Technically, at least.
"I.." I started, but stopped quickly. "Harry, you need to leave." I demanded, a smirk across my lips. From behind the computer I could hear some mumbling and his curly hair appeared on the screen.
"Hi." he smiled cheekily, trying to play the innocent card.
"Nice try guys, but no way." I shook my head.
"It was worth a shot." Harry mumbled and stood up, exposing his bare chest.
"Woah woah woah, you have tattoos?" I asked him curiously as he began to walk away. He leaned back over and nodded, a smirk across his face.
"Hot, right?" he winked, making me roll my eyes.
"Still disgusting as ever." I shrugged, making him stick his tongue out. It was weird to see him being playful, but at the same time it was almost really easy for us. The conversations we, which were supposed to be Niall and I, had were too real. It made us far closer than we should have ever been.
"Is he gone yet?" I asked Louis as Harry disappeared.
"STILL HERE LOVE." He yelled from what sounded like across the hallway. I heard a door slam shut and I knew he had made it back into his room. The two of us sighed, relieved that Harry was gone so we could actually talk.
"So this boy?" Louis went back to the original subject.
"His name is Ruben. And he is more than cute." I gushed, a smile not able to leave my face. Everytime I thought about him again, it only made me feel more giddy inside.
"Cuter than me?" Louis asked dramatically, adding a hair flip for effect.
"Oh of course not Lou, you're the cutest guy ever." I exaggerated my words to emphasize that I was being sarcastic. He took offense to my sarcasm, but recovered immediately.
"I am and you know it." he chuckled.
"Right." I nodded, holding back my laughs.
"So anyways," I said loudly, "He's supposed to help me out around school tomorrow, and then I can give you good judgement on him."
"Good! Because you can't judge a book by it's cover." he reminded me, pointing his finger at me so I would remember.
"Unless you're Louis Tomlinson, because the cover matches the book perfectly. Am I right?" I teased him and he mocked me, obviously aware that I was only trying to make fun of him.
"Cute Dannica." his reply sounded bitter.
"You know I love you." I reminded him.
"And I, you." he smiled sincerely as he sat up and began to walk around, carrying his laptop with one hand.
"Where are you going?" I asked worriedly.
"To the bathroom." he casually answered me, not phased one bit.
"Ew, don't take me with you!" I shouted, covering my face with my hands.
"I'm not." I heard a door open, "Here."
I opened my eyes to see the computer looking at Harry. I groaned and looked away. Well played Tomlinson, well played. "I would have rather gone pee with Lou." I muttered angrily, looking at my phone.
From +1234567890: you're still beautiful
To +1234567890: I don't know who this is but thanks?
When I replied, I saw Harry lift up his phone and check it. 'Oh great.' I thought. He had gotten my number. What a sly bastard!
"You going to own up this time?" I asked him in a bitter tone.
"Sure." he shrugged happily.
"You're not embarrassed?" I asked him with glared eyes.
"Why would I ever be?"
"What a great sense of humor you have." I rolled my eyes at him, scoffing. He stared at me, my peripheral vision giving me full view of him. He nibbled on his bottom lip as he watched me add his number to my contact list. "Is there something on my face?" I asked him rudely, immediately regretting it.
"Well actually," he rose his eyebrows, looking about ready to give one of his old, rude, remarks I was always so used to.
"Don't go there, actually." I put my hand up, not wanting him to finish. I still had cuts on my face. I still had the bruises. I looked exactly the same- It was too bad. I was hoping America had some magical healing powers, but I knew it wouldn't.
"I wasn't going to."
"You were though." I corrected him and he looked down meekly.
"Force of habit?" he almost asked.
"What a lovely habit, don't you think?"
"You're not as nice as you think you are." he scrunched up his nose, looking offended and angered.
"Look who's making the grandpa face now. I see what you meant by fucking ugly." I scowled at him. He stared at me with shock, making me immediately feel bad. Did I really just say that to him? Was I as low as he was? This couldn't be happening.
"I'll go set you in Louis room." he picked up the computer and started to walk out of his bedroom. Before he even made it, I ended the call and stared at the blank screen. My heart was pounding at the words I had just said. I was just as bad as Harry.
I walked into the bathroom and started to cry. I sat on my knees at the edge of the toilet, resting my head on top of it. There was only one way I knew how to punish myself, without harming me. It also benefitted me in the slightest way. I opened the lid and shoved my finger down my throat, letting everything my grandmum fed me spill out.
As I cried and made myself throw up, I heard my grandmum walking down the hallway. It took all of my strength to keep my sobs down to a minimum so she wouldn't hear me, but I failed miserably. She knocked on the door and asked if I was okay. Before I could even respond, she walked inside and stared in shock. My heartbeat was in my head.
"It's not what you think." I muttered nervously.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: I don't even know what this chapter is.. but it happened. SO here. :) ♥
Ily guys thanks so much for reading. x
Gosh, Dannica makes me so sad sometimes.. I feel so bad for Harry tbh when she said that because I mean obv. he didn't say anything rude.. Like he stopped himself and she was just.. SNJJIFNWCDJD My own book drives me crazy, oops.
PLEASE Vote and comment and add to your readinglist and message me and anything you want! x
THANKS:)
Stats:
sept 25, 2013
11,901 reads, 689 votes, 360 comments
fan fic#549
teen fic#406
x
dedicated to dreamerz_boo- HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE X ♥
