Curse's Daughter

4- Empty Threat

I knocked on the door. He didn't answer but I opened it. He was standing at the closet staring down at a suitcase.

"Dean, what are you doing?" I asked although it looked obvious.

"I'm not good for you being here. Everything you described about that ex is exactly like me. I drink too much, I care about my car and drinking a lot more than I should, I hurt you, and I would have continued if you hadn't snapped me out of my anger. The only difference between him and me is that I didn't use a blade and I wasn't drunk and knew what I was doing. You deserve to be happy with Sam. The truth is, you've always deserved to be happy with Sam and I'm the only one who has gotten in the way of that. I'm the only one who has ruined anything between you two." He stated. I never intended to make him feel this way. He proceeded to grab his suitcase and open it up on the floor. He went towards his dresser to get clothes to put in it. I went up to him and grabbed his wrist. "Stop, Caitlin."

"No. Quit packing and listen to me." He stopped and sat on the bed. "Dean, I wasn't telling you that story in order to get you to feel bad about yourself. I just figured you guys had a right to know why I freaked out so much. I'm not mad at you at all. You got mad with everything going on and it took you over the edge. I understand that. Don't quit on us. Don't leave because you feel guilty. Don't abandon Sam, Diana, and I. Please. We need you in our lives. I know you think I don't care if you're in my life, but that couldn't be more wrong. Please, don't leave. I can't force you to stay, and I'm not trying to guilt you, but please just think about this. We need you." He just nodded. "I mean it, Dean. I need you in my life. We all do. I don't care what you've done in the past. Think about what you're doing." I got up and went back out to Sam.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam asked.

"Dean's thinking about leaving. He said my description of the guy who hurt me a long time ago is a lot like him. He's feeling super guilty and he was about to pack his bag. I told him to think about what he's doing and that we don't want to lose him, but I'm not sure he believes it."

"Give me a minute with him." Sam asked. I nodded.

"Dean?" Sam asked as he went into his room.

"What, Sam?" Dean asked. He wasn't doing anything and was just sitting on his bed staring at the wall.

"Why would you want to leave? She's not mad at you, I'm not mad at you, and neither is Diana." Sam questioned.

"I'm not going to, ok? It's just that all I do is hurt you guys. I'm tired of it. I've hurt her almost constantly ever since we were kids. You may be the one dating her but I'm still her friend and I'm ruining it. I'm not there enough for Diana, and I'm surprised I haven't hurt you yet."

"Then do something about it, Dean. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and do something. Make it up to her, be there for Diana, do something but don't run from your problems. That's not the answer." Sam snapped.

"Ok. Ok. I will. Just leave me alone." Dean replied. Sam walked out.

"What happened?" I asked.

"He wants to leave because he feels like he does nothing but hurt you. He says he's hurt you since you were a kid and he's not here for Diana enough. I told him if he's so upset about it then he needs to do something- be here for her, make it up to you if he feels he needs to, something. I don't know why he suddenly became someone who cares so much about what others think, but he needs to quit. He said he's not leaving though." Sam explained. I didn't get why Dean had this change. It had started around the time Diana was born and had progressed as time went on.

"I'll talk to him in a bit. I'm gonna give him some time to think." I told Sam, which he answered with a nod. We went in and played with Diana for a while before I decided to talk to Dean. I walked in his room where he was sitting at his desk looking down at what I gathered to be pictures. I stood next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. "Dean, I just want to know why you suddenly care so much about what others think."

"Caitlin, this is a lot more of a problem than you think. I see you and Sam happy and being good parents to Diana and I can't help but want that. That reminds me of why I know that will never happen- I hurt everyone. This stack of pictures here," I gathered there to be about 10. "Are all the people I've hurt, just the ones I have pictures of." He explained. It was a stack of pictures of him with various girls, one of me, and one of Sam. "All of these girls, I've hurt. Most of them are because they turned into one night stands despite them wanting a real relationship, some are dead because demons saw me with them, and some," he said, looking down at mine. "Are people I've done nothing but hurt my entire life. And I know I've hurt Sam in some way at some point too. Look, I don't expect you to get it, but ever since we were kids, I've hurt you. I was rough on you when we were little, I stopped talking to you for years, I'm part of the reason you left a couple times, I made you think I was gonna kill you for your powers, I hit you, I called you names, everything. You say you forgive me, but I can't help but hate this life. I desperately want what you have. Sam doesn't totally know that, but it's true. I want a wife and maybe a kid, but I know it's never gonna happen. I've hurt everyone or gotten them killed and no one in their right mind wants to date me let alone marry or even live with me." He explained sadly.

"Dean, when did this start happening? When did you start feeling this way?" I asked.

"I've always kinda felt like I was missing out by always thinking about hunting and everything, but it started once Diana was born. You guys fawned over her, like you should, but I felt kinda shoved away. I get that she's your kid. That's not the problem, but I felt like you were keeping me out of your life because you didn't like the kind of person I was. It took me over the edge and then combining that with everything else recently, I just kinda lost it and figured it'd be best for you if I wasn't around." He explained.

"Wow. You really don't trust me." I stated simply.

"I do trust you."

"Then why didn't you tell me this a long time ago? I would have made sure you were more included. And why don't you change things then? Go find a girl and don't let it be a one night stand, be there for Diana, and let this go. I'm not mad at you, I don't think you hurt me as much as you say, so just let this go." I asked of him.

"I didn't tell you because it sounds selfish. I want to change things, but last time I found a girl to stay with, we had to wipe her memory. Just don't worry about it. I'll be ok. I'm not leaving by the way."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you had to wipe someone's memory. I want you to be happy, Dean. I never meant to make you feel excluded and I never meant to make you feel bad about yourself. Please tell me you know this. And thanks for not leaving. I never meant for you to want to." I told him.

"Don't apologize. I know you weren't trying to do any of that. Thanks for wanting me to be happy. I appreciate your concern."

"Of course, Dean. And I know you have this whole tough guy front and everything, but if you wanna talk, I'm here. It doesn't make you a baby." I told him. He needed to know we cared.

"I know. Thanks." I nodded and headed out to Sam.