Curse's Daughter

11- Heartbreak and Decisions

I got a room and laid on the bed. I pulled out my phone and just cried as I held it to my chest. After about an hour, it buzzed. I had a text from Dean.

Can I come see you? I just wanna talk.

Fine. I'm in room 167 at the only decent hotel in town.

I'll be there in 5. He pulled up and I was happy to see it was really Dean and not Sam. I let him in.

"If you're gonna try to convince me to come back, I don't know that I can."

"I'm not convincing you of anything. I just want to be here for you. You need to talk about everything or it's going to eat away at you until there's nothing left." He explained.

"Don't you get it?! There's already nothing left. I've been destroyed more emotionally since I got back than I ever was in hell. How could Sam do this? I loved him. Instead of being faithful, he's out there screwing some chick." I asked angrily.

"I don't know why he did it. He hasn't had sex with her. I promise you that. Why he did it is something you'll have to take up with him. Now, about hell, please talk to me. It's a tough thing to go through." He urged. "You can't go through it alone."

"See, but I'm already alone. I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine. Just get out. Please." I asked of him. He nodded and left the room, got in the impala and drove off. Things were so confusing and painful at that moment. I had no idea what to do and I just wanted things to be back to normal.

Days passed when I got a text from Sam this time. It was a simple 'I'm sorry'.

Sorry is not gonna cut it, Sam.

What do you want me to say? I thought you were dead and I was pissed as hell.

So that gives you the right to date someone else?

No.

Then this conversation is over

I ignored all other attempts of him to talk to me. I was becoming depressed. I got up when I felt like it but mostly stayed in bed all day. Weeks passed and I never got a text or a call from the guys. That's when the dreams started. I was reliving everything from hell and it was keeping me up at all hours of the night. I was averaging less than 24 hours of sleep a week and I was getting sicker and sicker because of it. I didn't think I could contact the guys. Dean was mad despite not showing it and Sam didn't deserve to get to talk to me.

I decided to call Dean.

"Hello?"

"Dean, I need you. Please. Sorry it's taken me so long."

"I'm on my way." He walked in when I opened the door and was taken aback at my appearance. "Caitlin, you're hurting yourself by keeping this in for so long. I told you I'm here for you. You're making yourself physically sick. Why'd you wait to talk? It's been weeks."

"You're mad."

"I'm not mad. What are you talking about? You had every right to flip about Sam."

"No. You're mad that I did what I did to save you. You're mad I went to hell to begin with. You're mad I was the reason for the powers which made you end up selling your soul." I clarified.

"I'm not mad at all anymore. I'm mad at Sam for doing this, but I'm not mad at you. Look, why don't we get you cleaned up, get you some food, have you take a nap, and then we'll talk about hell?" He suggested. I nodded. I brushed my hair and teeth and changed into a fresh pair of sweatpants and a tshirt. Dean had brought me some leftover pizza just in case I wanted any. I devoured it quickly and sat there petrified to lay down. "I'm sorry I'm forcing you to sleep if you don't want to. I can just tell you're super tired."

"It's not that. I really do want to sleep, but I- I just keep-"

"Keep having nightmares and can't sleep hardly at all?" He finished for me. I nodded. He laid down next to me. "I'm not making a move on you, but maybe it will help if someone's here." He added. I laid down next to him. A few sobs escaped my eyes. He rubbed my shoulder lightly.

"I miss Sam." I stated.

"I know. We'll discuss him later. Just try to sleep, ok? I'm not gonna leave you alone. You're right here with me. Not with lucifer, not with a demon, not with anything but me." I nodded and fell asleep. I woke up at about 10 pm.

"Dean?" I asked to see if he was still there. I rolled over and there was a note on the pillow.

Hey, went to get pie. Be back in a bit. I'm getting you a slice too. It's getting late so I figured we'd want something to eat.

That lessened my concern. He was back about 5 minutes later. "Hey, sorry if I scared you by not being here." He commented.

"It's ok." He sat next to me again and proved he wasn't supernatural just for my benefit. We ate our pie as we talked.

"So, whenever you're ready, I'm all ears." He said gently.

"Ok. So I was in the cage with lucifer. It was just like what happened to you. He beat me and cut and carved and tore into me until there was nothing left. Then I was whole again like magic. I didn't get any deals, but he swore that once he was done with me, he was gonna get revenge on you and Sam. Cas put a spell on the cage to lock him in for at least another decade and got me out. The hardest thing is all the stuff he told me about you two. I know it was to get me to snap but still."

"What did he say?"

"He said Sam never loved me and that he was only saying that so that he could use me for whatever he pleased. He said you were mad and would never talk to me again. You truly wanted to carve me up like he was doing. You were mad that I had powers originally. You were in love with me as much as, if not more than, Sam this whole time. You desired me and would do anything to get me. Sam was gonna die either way. Sam had moved on. Sam would never take me back. I was a no good screw up who you guys hate living with." I explained.

"Sam loves you so much. He never used you for his own pleasure. He wants to please you. I was mad in the beginning, but I understood why you did what you did. I'm always gonna be here for you. I would never want to hurt you like he said. I don't want to hurt you in any way ever again. I love you, but as a friend and sister. I have not been IN love with you since we were kids. Sam's safe at the bunker and isn't gonna die any time soon. I hope he finds a way to get you back. You both deserve to be happy. You don't screw everything up and I love living with you. You're amazing. Don't take anything lucifer said to heart. I talked to Sam the other day and he kicked Brenda out by the way. They're over and done. If you want to come back, you can have the guest room or I can sleep on the floor in my room and you can have my bed. Or if you're ok, Sam's ok with you rejoining him." He consoled.

"Thanks, Dean. I'll think about it. I'm gonna try to sleep until morning. I got most of hell off of my chest."

"Ok. I was gonna head back then."

"Wait. Will you stay? Please? I'm scared to sleep." He nodded as if to say of course and we laid down and went to sleep.

I woke up in the morning and didn't know what to do. I needed Sam back. Dean woke up soon after. "Hey, how'd you sleep?" He asked.

"Okay. What do I do now? I need Sam back. This is becoming like it was when I was younger. I'm losing you guys. I know I was in hell, but I still think that doesn't give him the right to do this to me."

"Hey, you're not losing us. I'm right here."

"Thanks."

"Of course. Do you want to come back? I don't want to see you miserable and alone. Please."

"Ok. We can go back. I just want Sam back, Dean. I'd do anything." I told him. We headed back.