Memories {A compilation of Britin short stories}

Story 32: Bruised {Part 9}

Justin looked at the locked bathroom door. Part of him realized that Brian needed to be alone. The other part of him was worried about Brian being locked in the bathroom by himself.

Letting out a slow breath, Brian tried to come to terms with what had happened. With the fact that he had no right to be this upset. Justin had endured so much worse. And yet, he was the one who couldn't function.

Justin laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. Now that he had told Brian about what had happened to him at the Sap's party, he was starting to think about what happened to him. He remembered the Sap and a guy carrying him. He remembered trying to will himself to fight back or will his mouth to scream for them to put him down. But he couldn't.

When Brian finally got out of the shower and walked back into the bedroom, he could see that Justin was having problems. And he knew that he was going to have to help Justin get through them. Because whatever his own problems were, Justin had always come first. And that would never change.

Justin didn't turn around when he heard Brian leave the bathroom. He kept trying to remember but his memory was blank until he woke up in the floor. How long had they kept him in that sling? How many guys had it been?

"Justin," Brian said quietly. He knew that Justin needed him more than he needed himself. But at the same time, he resented having to take care of Justin. Having to compare his experience to Justin's.

Justin looked at Brian. "Yeah? Are you OK?" Even if he was thinking about his own experience, he was still worried about Brian.

"Fine," he lied. Why wouldn't he be? At least he could remember the attack. In full detail. The trick's weight against him. He couldn't push him off.

Justin sat up straight. "I shouldn't have told you. I didn't want to make this all about me or put any more weight on your shoulders."

"I said I'm fine," Brian snapped, but his tone betrayed him. He was anything but. And it was killing him. "Besides, you said I needed to snap out of it or get over it or whatever. So why not like this?"

"Because this isn't snapping out of it. This is finding a new problem so you don't have to worry about your own."

"I'm not different," Brian growled. He wasn't different. Wasn't broken. He was fucking fine. Only, he wasn't. But what did it matter? Because Justin had gone through worse than he had. He had nothing to be upset about.

"You are different. You've been through this more than once and then you didn't tell anyone. Now you've gone through it again and all the emotions are tangled. And you remember everything."

"I don't give a shit about that because you've been through worse and you're fucking fine!" All the anger inside of him exploded, leaving him shaking.

Justin saw him shaking but kept talking. "That's because i have no idea what happened to me. I don't remember anything. You remember everything that happened to you. You're scared and you don't like being scared. You don't like being helpless so its messing with your head."

"Because I have no reason to be upset! Other people go through trauma. YOU went through trauma. Some guy just fucked me up the ass!"

"He fucked you without your consent." Justin stood up and walked closer to Brian.

Instinctively, Brian took a step back. "I'm Brian Kinney. Fucking is what I do."

"Fucking is what you do because you can control it. You were taught that sex controls people because of that teacher that made you suck his dick."

"Don't you dare fucking psychoanalyze me. I'm gay because I want to be. I fuck because I want to. Not because of what some coach did."

"Of course you don't consciously realize that's why you do what you do." Justin tried to step towards Brian again.

Brian took another step back. "Get out. If that's what you think, get out. You're no better than my parents, or my sister, or her fucking brats."

Justin looked at him with a hurt expression. "Brian, please...."

"Please what? I fuck because I want to. Because it feels good. And I don't recall you ever trying to find another reason when it was your ass I was fucking."

Justin stepped back from Brian. "Fine. I'll go." He grabbed his jacket and car keys and walked out the door. He closed it, but stood on the top step for a while so he could still hear into the loft.

Brian grabbed the first thing he could the moment Justin was gone, a glass, and threw it against the wall. He wasn't gay because of some asshole coach. He was gay because he liked cock. After all, he and Mikey had explored together the week after it had happened and yeah, he still loved it.

Justin jumped when he heard the glass break. He had not meant to anger Brian. He didn't mean to say that Brian was gay because of what his old coach did to him. He was trying to say Brian fucked a lot because it made him feel in control.

Justin looked at the loft door before walking down the stairs and driving to his mom's house. At least he wouldn't be kicked out there.