The Girl in The Green Scarf

T h i r t y - f o u r

C H A P T E R

34

- H a m s a -

"You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, but not what I've been through."
- Jonathan Anthony Burkett

Running water always managed to sooth my nerves, but tonight as I listen to the symphony of water flowing over dishes in a game to chase away soap lather, the sound does nothing to calm me down.

Auntie Samiya's voice reciting the Quran in the living room is a distant hum, almost dissolved by Fatima's chatter.

"--I found this fabric with pictures of ladybugs on it, right, and thought she'd love it. I didn't show it to her yet though, told her it should be a surprise for Eid Insha'Allah. But you know Zeina and how excited she gets about new dresses and insects. I caught her this morning, pretending to look for her grasshopper in my drawer."

She rolls her eye and chuckles, cocking her head in my direction. I smile faintly, and pray she doesn't notice that my mind is somewhere else, that I'm not really paying much attention to what she's saying or to the lathered cup she just passed me to rinse and set on the dish rack.

A few more dishes, I tell myself, and I can go home, lay my head down on a pillow and try to forget the bad parts of today. Yahiya should be back from taraweeh prayers in a bit.

"-Hani has outgrown almost all of his cloths, I want to make him something too. And you of course! You must wear something new and not green this Eid. I just don't understand your obsession with this colour."

"I don't have-" I start, but she shuts me up with a pointed look at my very green dress.

"Maybe, I do," I mumble and she grins victoriously.

"Anyway, I was also thinking I could ask Madame Rawiya - you know that really sweet lady from the course I'm taking at the masjid - to make jilbabs for dad, Yahiya, Zayn and Fayyad. I just have to get her the materials. Can you imagine how cool that would be? They've had the same Eid Prayer jilbabs for ages now."

"That would be really nice," I say blankly, instead of blurting out that it's too early to be going on about Eid clothes when it's just the first day in Ramadan.

I don't want to be the wormwood that ruins her jolly mood. I really want to join in on her plans, be supportive and even offer my help but I'm too... depressed I guess?

What's wrong with me? So what if Zayn and Sebastian can't get along with each other? It's not something I should get this worked up about. I've already come to terms with Yahiya's differences with Sebastian.

I guess I just wanted them to like each other; for my best friend and newly found friend to click. Sure would have made a lot of things easier.

The sensation of the bowl Fatima just handed me slipping out of my fingers jolts me alert. I watch as it bounces off the edge of the sink and then shatters on the floor. A searing pain shoots up the side of my foot and I bite back a gasp.

Fatima voices my shock. "Oh my Allah!"

She quickly lowers to her knees to pick up the shards.

I groan into my lathered hand and then kneel down to help her, forgetting to investigate the source of the pain.

"Are you on a mission to break all of mother's dishes tonight?" Fatima whisper shouts, but she is not mad. She is amused, a smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"I zoned out and it slipped," I admit.
"Are you okay?" the amusement is gone, she looks worried.

I notice the hum of Auntie's reciting going quite a second before her voice sounds low and dangerous. "That better not be my favourite salad bowl."