Keira is a survivor. She doesn't fall for tricks, she turns her back to the past and walks on.
She carries secrets as her burdens. Guilt and sadness curdle inside her, but she's learned how to mask it.
Cares and carelessness cause her to make mi...
SOTC: Faded by Alan Walker • The monster's running wild inside me •
On Christmas Day, it was snowing.
White frost crusted over the windows, icicles hanging along the patio overhang. When I stepped outside, my vision was swept over by an icy flurry.
I pulled my hat's brim lower so that the cold would be blocked out, but the wind blew in another gust of sharp ice. My face stung, and I couldn't feel my toes.
But if it would be the death of me, I would visit Kee's grave.
A mere day had passed since the funeral, and three days since Kee died. Every time I closed my eyes, the dark thoughts gathered up and enveloped me like the blizzard. I imagined the times I could have comforted Kee. Images of me taking the bullet for her.
The snow let up a bit, and I saw the leaning rows of gravestones dusted in white. Fog laid in a heavy curtain around my feet.
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Kee's grave marker was still upright and tall, but as gray and colorless as a black-and-white photo. Some slabs were uprooted entirely, tilting on a bed of snow.
I walked over to it, each footstep suction-cupping into the snow. I felt freezing water wetting my boots. My numb feet grew clumsy, and I crashed backwards to the ground, my elbows meeting frozen dirt. My hat pivoted on my head, pinned downwards.
I stayed there for a few sweet, stale moments, soaking the merciless cold into my fingers. A swirling torrent of ice hovered above me, the waning remnants of the blizzard. Everything was gray, a contrast to the vibrant lashing of wind around me.
I couldn't help but like the feeling of the pain. It was a sort of anchor to reality, something to remind me that the world inside me wasn't the only one.
Thoughts began to stir up. That's right, dumbfuck, you aren't the only one in this world. Start acting like it. But then I realized that Kee was the one that called me dumbfuck, and the vicious cycle of grief started again.
A shiver ran along my spine. I lifted my stiff neck up, making a figure out of the blankness. "Leave me alone!" I yelled, but the blizzard drowned my voice out.
"No!" The voice was feminine and stubborn. I saw a ghostly stream of hair whip through the air. "You need to come inside. You're going to get frostbite. It's cold out here."
I recognized the voice. I sat up in a more upright position, trying to pinpoint her in the flurry. "Enid, just let me be!" I screamed, warm tears rising to my face. "Let me stay out here. Please."
A gloved hand grasped my arm. She began to pull me, and I wriggled in the steel grip. "Please, let me be!"
The wind battered her hair around her face. "No! I don't want you dying on me!"
My lungs were straining for aid. "Go away," I whimpered. "Leave me alone."
The wind swirled and dispersed, leaving me with the hunched form of Enid, panting in effort to reach me again. Her voice wasn't as muffled this time, "Carl, I don't want to carry another dead body inside this week."
Tears marred my eyesight. The aching emptiness hurt more than before, like she had just ripped the stitches off a wound. "I could care less," I sneered, lip curling. "Not like you understand."
"I'm sorry Carl. But I'm sure she didn't want you to die too."
No. She didn't.
The wind picked up a bit, but most of the snow had settled. I got up off the snow and trudged forwards, debating on giving Enid the bird.
She grabbed my arm. "Come on, Carl, you don't have to be moping around. She would probably—"
"Don't tell me what she would do!" I growled, brushing her hand off. I wondered if she was right, but honestly I didn't care what anybody else had to say anymore.
Give her a wall, she'll tear it down brick by brick. Give me a wall, and I'll let it stand.
Maybe that's what humanity is all about, a will to fight. I could almost feel a monster scraping around in my body.
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A/N: I'm trying to get these chapters out by the end of May, but next week I have to go on a field trip from Wednesday to Friday and there's a "no phones" policy but psshhh I can sneak it
I'll try to get another chapter out by next Friday but we'll see :)
We have an end of course exam tomorrow ugh
Good night! Don't let the existential crisis bite!
QOTD: List the last few songs you listened to? AOTD: I have these on repeat right now: •Mrs. Potato Head by Melanie Martinez •Don't Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers feat. Daya •Faded by Alan Walker •You're Such A by Hailee Steinfeld •Be Alright by Ariana Grande •Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time by Panic! At The Disco (please watch the music video)
