Joan Jett and The Runaways. (Tammy's Point of View)

Chapter 24: Moment of Truth.

I woke up finding myself in a strange room. Across from me and this bed I am in, are four chairs. Kenny, Ricky, Eric and Lee sleeping in each of them. I kept hearing these wierd beeping noises. My left hand was hurting so much. That's when I found this wierd needle attached to me. What the hell am I doing in the hospital!?? "Tammy?"  A voice beside me quietly calls out. 

I turn my head to my right side and find Joan sitting beside me. Her black hair was so messy. Her eyes were so red and there were really dark spots under her eyes. "Have you slept at all?" Was the only thing I said to her. Joan shook her head, started crying again and rushed into a hug. "I thought you killed yourself. We were all so worried about you. Thank god you are alive! I don't know what I would do without you, Tammy!" 

I kept hearing that sentence over and over again in my head. I don't know what I would do without you, Tammy!  All of a sudden... Everything in the room was spinning around. I felt so dizzy. "Tammy!" Joan quietly yelled. The dizzyness was gone. I blinked a few times. "Woah." I said. "Tammy?" Joan said again. "What time is it?" I asked. "It's 7:30 in the morning." Joan said. I nodded  While Joan was grabbing a cigarette from her pocket. She lit it up. 

"Joan." I said. "Why didn't you sleep?" I asked. "Joan." Joan looked up. "I didn't want to rest untill I knew that you were okay!" She said. I started to cry. "So. What's been going on with you lately, Tammy?" Joan asked. I sighed. A tear went down my eye.  "Tammy, I'm not getting any rest until I know what's been going on!" Joan said to me. 

I sighed. Another tear went down my eye. "I feel so abused, Joan." I finally told her. After all these years. Gosh I need atleast a puff of Joan's cigarette! "Emotionaly.. All my life I have felt this way. And nothing has changed! It's continuing everday and I'm sick of it! You've always had a better life than me. Epsecially during The Runaways! I'm a nobody."

(If you could listen to Wake Up Alone by Amy Winehouse while reading the rest of the chapter. or untill the song finishes. This song was playing in my head while writting this next part.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZo8gUCt2hM     )

Joan looked down with another tear in her eye. "Shit, man. Can't believe it has to come to this, damn it." I'm confused. What is she talking about? "Come to what, Joan?" I asked. Joan sighed and looked up. She held my hand. Tight. Very tight. My hand was starting to hurt. But I liked it. It felt good. "Tammy." She said "You are not a nobody. You are so god damn lucky that you weren't in the band and that you didn't have to go through what we went through!" Okay.. I am so confused. I mean Yeah.. There were some people who said mean things about The Runaways. But it can't be that bad. They never let it bother them. I'm confused! 

"Joan.. What the hell are you talking about?" I asked. Joan nodded and bit her lip. "Life with The Runaways... Wasn't exactly... Perfect..." "Joan, What are you talking about?" I asked her again. "It was hell, Tammy. Fucking Hell! We were all abused. Words, drugs, alchohol, sex. We would often become physically abusive. We all threatened eachother violently. Everyone faught everyday. And Kim Fowely... Is a.. Godamn Creep!" My mouth dropped. "Kim promised us so many things, Tammy. And it never happened! Enough money to pay for clothes and food and other shit like that. That never happened. We were broke. We slept in the same Tiny car, every fucking night! If we got to eat.. It would be from Mcdonalds.  And if we had a hotel room.. It would be the most shittyest hotel rooms ever! Kim abused us emotionally as well, man. One day, when we walked in our hotel room. There was 1 bed. Instead of 4 or 5. Kim walked in and said "I'm gonna teach you dogs how to fuck!"

There was a moment of silence. I am so horrified with what Joan just told me. "Is that why you never said anything about being in The Runaways, Joan? I asked. Joan nodded with more tears in her eyes. "I was so scared to tell anybody, Tammy. If I told someone. God knowswhat, shit that would of happened. I wish I told you though. I know you were so alone. I wish that I could have helped. But I didn't even know how to help myself. "I understand, Joan." I told her with a friendly smile on my face. I pulled her in for a hug.

Joan looked up to face me. "I love you so much, Tammy!" "I love you too Joan!" We lyed beside eachother, holding eachother, for half an hour. We held eachother very tight. Then Joan got up, looked me straight in the eye and.. She looked very serious and concerned about something. "What's up with you and Gary?" She also looked about upset and confused, when Joan asked me that. My facial expression went completley blank. Joan shook me. "Tammy." I snaped back to reality. "You've got a problem with something going on between Gary and I? Well I don't acutally know what's been going on. He teases me, then supports me. And then hugs me and kisses me when I'm upset, then he runs away and...-" Joan cut me off. "Really? Well it's because Gary and I... Sort of.... For a bit... But... Not anymore.." "Oh." I said. "Well I kind of figured that you did it with the band before." I added. Joan smiled. 

"Yeah. I actually dont know what's been going on between us, Joan." "Well, Tammy." Joan said. "I do think that he likes you a lot. But you know Gary. He's a bit childish. Not in a bad way, of course. He's just probably nervous and freaked out. That's why he is acting like that. When we get home, try talking to him a bit." I smiled. "Thank you Joan. I love you. But what about us?" "I think that it's time that we moved on." Joan said. "New things are happening. And it's difficult to live in the past when things are changing. I still love you, Tammy. Damn it. I love you so much." Joan leaned in for a kiss. We made out for a bit. Haha. But yeah. 

After a while, the doctor came in. Everyone else was awake. "Hello Tammy. I am the doctor. Now that you are awake and alright... Last night you did to many drugs and alchohol, passed out and now ended up here." I just realized something right after he said that. Didn't the same thing happen to Cherie in 1977, sometime after the performance in Japan? It was all over the news papers and TV, the next day. Anyway. "M'amm, I advise that you stay of the drugs and alcohol if you don't want this to happen again. Because it will.. Soon. I advise this to everyone. Now, let this young lady rest. You can visit her later." "I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE HER!" Joan yelled out. Ricky grabbed Joan and pulled her out of the room. Then came back in and gave me a kiss. "Get some sleep." He said. Then I passed out again.

....

I had a dream. It was sometime during the 1960's. After school. Jack and I were little kids playing in the backyard. We got along then. Nobody in my family was fucked up. My mother was in the kitchen, making dinner. Then dad came home from work, went to the back yard to give Jack and I a kiss. After that, dad went back inside the house and helped mom with the rest of the chores.

Then fast forward to the early 70's. My parents were into the drugs and alcohol and were violent towards eachother and often me. Jack was into the drugs and alcohol. We would argue all the time. I had no one to talk to. And I lost the best friend that I ever had. Her name was Margret. Then one day, after a terrible argument with my mom and Jack, I stormed out of the house and walked across a beach in San Fernando Valley. I was looking at the sunset and then BAM I fell on the ground and heard a girl with a Philly accent saying "What the hell, man?" I looked up and saw a girl about my age and hight with brown hair ( With some black in it) Brown eyes. It was Joan. It was the very first day that we met eachother. We were 13. And all these memories of how we would spend time with eacother, and how we would help eachother out during tough times, our first day of high school. And.. The first time we had sex.. And then Joan joined The Runaways and we barely talked anymore and then... I didn't see her for a few years. I was lonely again.

....

The next thing I know, I hear the phone ringing. I woke up. And there was a nurse who said "It's a phone call for you, M'amm" I grabbed the phone from the nurse. "Hello?" I said. "TAMMY!!!" For a second I couldn't recognize who this was. But then  I did. It was Jack "JACK!!!" It was so good to hear Jack's voice. Made me feel so much better. "Tammy! Thank god you are alright. Joan called me as soon as she got back from the hospital." Ohh. Joan. You are so sweet. See. She actually does love and care about me. But so does Jack.. Besides Joan and yeah... Jack is the only family I have. He's all the way back in California. San Fernando Valley. Where we are from. Home. Home.. HOME.. God I miss him. I miss him so much. Then all of a sudden. I thought of something that made me feel sick, sad and happy at the same time. "Jack?" I said. "Yes, Tammy?" There was a moment of silence and this is what I said:

..."I want to go home!"...