Jealousy || hs.

Chapter 5.

Next morning, wearing my jeans, a white blouse and an old red jacket that originally belonged to Harry, I got out of my house. It was a quiet, warm day. Small sunlight drops trickled between the buildings and houses until they reached to caress my skin as I started to walk down the block. The birds flew to the sky, making some branches fall from the trees, and at that moment, I wished to be a bird, so I could fly away from all the pain. It was so awkward to think how such terrible things could happen at night, when everything seemed so calm... I walked firmly over the sidewalk and I promised to myself not to cry anymore. If I wanted to get out of that, I had to be strong.

I decided that that would be the first day without him by my side. Everything seemed so fictitious a couple of hours before, but then, after his burial, it felt more real than ever, and I could feel it as sharp as I felt the wind blowing in my face.

I got to the bottom of the huge black bars and entered to the graveyard. Each of the tombs had a golden cross in the middle, symbolizing that everyone in there where now in a better place, but none of that had significance for me anymore. If God or whoever was up there had been real, Harry’s life wouldn’t have been taken. If he had been real, he would’ve saved him.

I followed the stone path to his tomb, walked slowly over the grass and finally stopped in front of the big gravestone, contemplating it in silence. The herb on its sides was fresh and its delicious aroma entered through my nostrils, making me smile awkwardly. I crouched on one side and ran my fingers over the carved letters.

“Hi Harry.” I crossed my legs and rested my hands on my lap. It was a bit difficult to think about something to talk about, as most of the times he was the one to start the conversation, he was the chatty one. Moreover, I had to talk about something which didn’t oblige him to answer because, well, it wasn’t him precisely who I was talking to. I was talking to a piece of stone.

I stopped to stare at the delicate carving on the cold and whitish marble:

“Harry Edward Styles 1994 - 2012. Forever loved and missed, rest in peace.”

I submerged into my thoughts and thought about the truth that those words stated. We all were going to miss him, it was true, but I wondered if he was in peace or if he missed me as much as I missed him.

I sighed, resigned, and felt the tears coming back. But I held them back, I had to be strong; I had promised myself not to cry.

“Harry, I miss you, okay?” I still felt like an idiot talking to nothing.

I caressed the stone again, this time imagining that it was his face, with his big lips turning into a sweet grin and showing up his beautiful dimples, his perfectly curly hair and his shiny green eyes, full of happiness. There wasn’t a single word to describe my feelings. Anyway, I knew there would come a day when I wouldn’t cry. It wouldn’t be soon, but I knew it would come.

I rested my chin on the palm of my hand and I started to tear the grass that was around the marble. There were letters and lots of flowers, all of them for Harry. I glanced at the tall trees that extended themselves all over the block, and shuddered when I thought about the fact that in an innocent place such as that there had occurred a murder. I couldn’t even remember the details.

I wiped the corners of my eyes and then stared at the tomb again.

“Everybody misses you so much” I said out loud. “Especially me.” My voice came out as a choked whisper, and I bit my lip trying to avoid the tears that struggled to come out again. My hair was falling over my face while I leaned to take some grass to shatter, setting me free of my anger.

My phone rang on my pocket, making me jump slightly.

"Hello?"

“Sky”

“Louis?”

“Where are you?"

“With Harry, why?"

“Why the hell are you there on your own?” he shouted angrily.

“I just wanted to see him, that’s all.”

“I’ll be there right now.”

“What? Why?”

“Harry was murdered there in front of you, Sky. Don’t you understand?” he answered, even more furious.

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that you are just a few meters away from where he was murdered. What if they find you too?”

“I don’t care.” I really didn’t care.

He snorted, angry, and hanged up the phone. I got up from the ground and shook my legs to remove the rests of grass that were on my pants.

“Goodbye Harry” I said, smiling to the tomb, and caressed it once again before turning around and leaving the place.

Harry

I stood there trembling; I was broken, just like the branches under my body. Sweat and tears rolled down my face while I tried to find a way to stand up. My energy was falling rapidly and I felt like falling asleep. The air was cold and thick, like thousands of penknives entering through my skin, but that was anyway less painful than what I felt all over my body. My tiredness was rising every second, while I felt the small blood drops falling from my broken nose.

 “Oh my god!” I heard a high pitched voice and noticed how someone ran towards me and stood by my side. I hissed in pain when trying to move my legs. It was useless, they were shattered, I knew it.

The woman was calling someone, but I couldn’t understand any of the numerous words that she was saying. Every sound had turned into a constant mumble inside my ears, my eyes were heavier every second and my body was closing. I thought I had vanished, I was about to leave.

A girl appeared in my mind; she was lovely. Her long blond hair fell to the sides, framing her face. Her green emerald eyes were sunken into mine, accompanying some words with her flawless smile. She was Sky. My best friend.

I smiled to that image, while an insupportable feeling of cold started to run up my toes, knees, hips, and little by little it devoured my whole body. Everything went black. I didn’t know what was happening or where I exactly was, but I was feeling exceptionally free.