My Mother's Boss (BoyxBoy) [Polyamory]

Ian & Jer Chp. 24

My dumbass didn't think about just posting this in here instead of in a separate story when I did it all those years ago so here ya go. Obviously don't read this if you haven't read chapter 24 or it won't make sense.

{Ian & Jer}

~Ian~

My eyes move between Levy and Jeremiah. Then I can feel that familiar constriction of my chest, the familiar fast pace of my heart as I'm forced to think of all the outcomes of this.

What if Levy decides he doesn't love me? Jeremiah could hate me and make Levy leave me. What if Levy doesn't love me, he did admit that he only got together with me to get over Jer. And now what will happen? Jer seems to be more than happy to be with Levy. Levy could just dump me now, he doesn't need me, neither of them do.

My chest tightens more, making it feel as if I'm not getting enough air into my lungs despite taking deep breaths. I can barely feel my heart beat anymore; either it's beating too fast or isn't beating fast enough, I can't be sure which, or maybe my senses are just dimming. But that doesn't stop my thoughts, my worries.

How do I know I can trust them? I don't even know Jer, he could be just like him for all I know. And Levy. I love him, I fell in love with him so fast, but I don't know him that well. He already hurt me once, what's stopping him from doing it again now that he has Jer?

I can't do this. I can't trust them. I can't be in a relationship of any kind if I can't trust the person. I can't. I won't put myself through this again.

"I don't know if I'll be able to trust you," I mumble, glancing to Levy as I bite my lip to bring my attention to something physical rather than focusing on the panicked thoughts.

"Either of you." I add quickly when I see the pain erupt in Levy's eyes at being told I can't trust him. He seems to get ready to reply but I interrupt him, I have to, I can't stay here when I'm about to fall into the panic.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I manage to inform them without giving away my panic. I get up from my chair and head into the bathroom as fast as I reasonably can without people thinking something is wrong.

I open the door and close it fast behind me, glancing under the few stalls to make sure no one is in here. Thankfully the room is deserted so I move to the pristine white porcelain sinks and turn the water on. I splash my face with the ice cold water to ground me. I rest my wet hands against the cold surface of the porcelain, dropping my head as I breathe slowly, trying to calmly get air into my lungs and stop my heart from beating so fast.

Then the bathroom door opens and heavy steps move across the white tiles towards me. I figure it's Levy and sigh, having gotten my panic eased some.

"I'm fine." I assure Levy but when I look up I'm not met with the familiar greenish hazel eyes that belong to Levy. Instead I lock eyes with Jer's oddly golden eyes. His lips upturn in a smile but his eyes clearly show he doesn't believe me.

"I know I haven't given you a reason to trust me, and I don't blame you for not trusting me. Now, I'm not going to give you reasons as to why you should trust me because I know that won't help. Instead I'm just going to make a promise, and you can believe it or not. I won't hurt you, and I will always do everything in my power to protect you." He adds, his eyes portraying honesty as far as I can tell. But that doesn't reassure me, it can't.

He said he wouldn't hurt me either, and he did. Multiple times, and every time he hurt me, he always promised me he would never hurt me again, but he did. Over and over again, until he finally went too far.

"How do I know you won't break that promise? Promises are meaningless, they're simply words." I reply bitterly.

I used to believe promises meant something, I thought they were the ultimate unbreakable vow. You can't break a promise, you just can't. But I learned everyone breaks their promises.

"You have to have faith. In me, in Levy's judgment. You trust him, don't you?" Jer shoots.

"I don't know." I mutter, dropping my eyes from the mirror so I don't have to look at him. I feel his strong arm on my shoulder, squeezing gently in reassurance.

"Yes you do." He states and I turn to face him.

"I have no reason to trust me. He betrayed my trust once already!" I add in exasperation. Jer is unfazed though and simply shrugs, taking his hand off my shoulder to my disappointment.

"You trust him. You trust him or you wouldn't have agreed to meet me, you wouldn't have agreed to this relationship. You trust him not to hurt you, to know me well enough to know I won't hurt you. If you though either of us would hurt you, you wouldn't be here. I know you don't trust me or my promises but I will gain your trust and I won't hurt you. I will do anything for you, love." He explains.

I search his eyes, trying to discern a lie in them. But he's clearly telling me the truth, and I can't see any hesitation, or doubt in his eyes.

"You better not hurt me." I whisper, dropping my eyes to the floor. His cold fingers cup my chin and he tilts my head up to look at him. He smiles reassuringly and leans in to peck me on the lips.

"I won't hurt you, baby, you'll see." He assures and I feel heat rise in my cheeks at the endearment.

I want to inform him that I can't be sure, I don't want to see. I don't want to wait and question everyday if he's going to hurt me. But I can't tell him, I can't because I want him to be right, I want to trust him and be with him. Be with him and Levy.

This is what I've always been looking for. The security, the person that will always protect me, always love me; the person who will show me the world isn't full of monsters but in fact has some heroes after all. And I have that, with Levy and Jer. I know it, I can feel it.

This is right, this is where I belong. These people, they can show me how beautiful life can be. How great it can be.

I bite my cheek hard to keep from rambling or god forbid sobbing in relief, and throw myself at Jer, literally. He gasps in surprise but wraps his strong arms around me and I rest my head against his shoulder.

Neither of us bother with words because they're not needed. A minute later the door opens and I pull away from Jer to catch the surprised gray eyes of a clearly uncomfortable man. I take Jer's hand and we leave the bathroom back to our table.

When I sit down and Levy asks if everything is okay, I find myself smiling because everything really is okay. This is never how I expected my life to go, I didn't think I would find anyone I could trust again, but Levy's proven that I can trust someone other than my fathers. And I can be happy, with both Levy and Jer.

~~I dunno, I meant for it to go a different way-I mainly planned for Ian to tell Jer what happened with his ex to explain why he doesn't trust people-buuuut it didn't happen. I'm not sure if I'm happy with this, it's not too bad though. Plus now you see how Ian can go from saying he doesn't trust them to spending the day at the beach and all that. I hope you all enjoyed and thank you sooo much for reading!~~