Well and truly Cumberbatched (To be revised)

Chapter 18

AN: If you've been kind enough to get this far, thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy it to the end! :0) 

Monday.

I awake to see a misty fog has blanketed North London overnight, Ben is fast asleep on his back breathing quietly with his arm around me. I gently slide out of his embrace and put on a green hoody from my increasing pile of clothes practically falling out of his wardrobe over my t-shirt and go brush my teeth.

Walking back to bed I hear my phone vibrate on the table and I see it’s a text from Olivia, one of my best friends in the whole world; I’m going to Manchester to see her in a few weeks, she moved there three years ago after we graduated for a fresh start with her boyfriend Ellis.

I put on my glasses and slide the text banner on the phone and it reads ‘Saturday night was fun, we should hang out again soon if you know what I mean ;) xxxx OP’.

I rub my head in confusion, I never saw Olivia on Saturday.

I haven’t seen her in about two months and she wouldn’t text me like that, and her last name begins with an ‘E’ (It’s Erksine, she’s Scottish, not a very common name). I look over at the bedside table and pick up the other iPhone with the same wallpaper, a picture of me and Ben and realise this isn’t my Olivia at all texting me.

It’s Ben’s previous partner Olivia, who’s really lovely but I’m still rather confused, I don’t understand.

Until I do.

I placed my hand over my mouth thinking that the first time I’d seen Ben in London in a month was last Thursday, then again yesterday when I went to Gloucestershire, I was working in Edinburgh on Saturday (I had Merlin with me) and he was working here in London before heading to his parents’ house early Sunday morning. He called me on Saturday night talking about how bored he was. ‘Can’t have been that bored!’ I thought to myself.

I just about composed myself and wake Ben up, this better be some kind of joke.

“Ben, can you please explain this.” I said, handing him the iPhone I mistakenly thought was mine, given that we have the same (lock screen) wallpaper and neither of us uses key locks. Ben rubbed his eyes and took the phone from my hand.

He doesn’t say anything and just looks at the phone appearing to be confused, walks to the window and stays there for about five minutes.

“Ben, don’t just stand there and say nothing. Please, just don’t.” I sighed, my mind turning to scrambled eggs, I’m so tired I’ve been pretty sleep deprived recently.

“I’m sorry, we did spend Saturday night together, but it didn’t mean anyt-. No wait, ignore that. I meant it wasn’t-. Um-” he doesn’t finish his sentence, he just stops for a few minutes again.

“But what? You suddenly remembered I’m supposed to be your girlfriend?” I stuttered, taking a step back and grabbing my duffle bag, I didn’t know what I felt more of. Angry, disgusted, or just plain disappointed.

“The feelings I’ve had, have for you, the ‘I love you’, every last intimate moment we had and for what? This? To think you really cared about me, that you wanted me, ‘just as I was’. Those loving voicemails I listened to over and over again when you went away, because all I wanted to do was be with you.

For fucksake! You had me over to meet your parents yesterday, yesterday Ben. Why did you even bother?! You gave me this and told me you loved me! What was the point of yesterday?! Or any time before that?! What was the fucking point! Argh my god!” I shouted and he flinched, I can't even remember the last time I even shouted that loud.

Ben of all people. That’s what hurts the most.

“I don’t want you to cry, please don’t cry, please.” Ben pleads with me, grabbing my arms and my bag falls to the floor, the desperation in his eyes lingering.

"Get off of me Ben"

"Just please it wasn't like that!"

"What was it like then?!"

"Just, urm I-" fuck me yet another half-assed sentence. 

“Just GET OFF me! No! You can’t do this to me!” I cried, finally pushing him away. A look of helplessness washes across his face and he steps back, I felt myself going from upset to just pissed off. Taking off the necklace he got me and placing it in his hand I breathed a heavy sigh, I can’t pretend to want it right now. It means nothing if this is what he really wants.

“You know what, this is ridiculous, you’re practically Moriarty setting me up for a fall. Thank you so much for making me feel like the worlds’ biggest fucking imbecile.” I sighed swinging my bag on my shoulder, slip on my vans, and head towards the front door, wiping away the tears that fell down my face over and over again, as I tried to maintain some composure before I end up sobbing on his bedroom floor.

Frankly, anywhere near Ben is the last place I want to be now.

“Just to make this day even more shit you know what? The worst, most embarrassing thing is that I love you Ben, I could never find the right moment to say it but I really love you, more than anything in the entire world. You’re meant to be my best friend. What’s the point now?! I take it you’re just going to stand there with your mouth wide open so I may as-well go, you’re fucking unbelievable” I tiredly said, grabbing my keys, slamming the front door and heading to my car.

As soon as I got out to the pavement I unlocked my car, got in and turn the ignition as Ben ran out, driving off before I even had the chance to think to look at him, heaving a defeated sigh watching the traffic ahead of me, tears profusely streaming down my face till my hands can no longer wipe them away, what's the point?

I pick Merlin up on the way home and thank Mrs Hudson for having him and I’ll talk to her soon; I really didn't want to explain why I was crying. I make my way inside my house and stroke Merlin’s head as he follows me to my bedroom, curl up under the duvet as what feels like uncontrollable sobbing into my pillow continues; Merlin simply curled up beside me.

He didn’t even try to explain himself.

Why?