I'm Not Everything You Wanted Me To Be (Ambrollins Fanfiction)

I'm Not Everything You Wanted Me To Be - Part 1

Hey guys! So, this is the intro to the new fanfic I'm starting. It will eventually be Ambrollins, but at the start Seth has a different partner. This fanfic deals with Domestic abuse, self-harm, suicide attempts and gay relationships. You have been warned. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy. Feedback would be lovely! :)  

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I'm not everything you wanted me to be.

That was the last thing Seth said, before he felt the fist of his lover connect with his face. The contact shocked Seth at first. It wasn't something that he had expected to happen. He just hoped that it wouldn't leave a bruise.

The first time it had happened was probably the worst. Not physically, but emotionally. Seth had never been purposely hurt by someone he loved before. It made him question a lot about his relationship.

Was it okay for his boyfriend to hit him if he got mad? He apologized afterwards, so it didn't really matter. Seth was just over thinking things.

It was an accident.

But then it happened a second time and a third and a fourth. On the fourth beating, Seth broke down. He couldn't stop crying and he panicked that his boyfriend didn't love him, but then he was showered with hugs and kisses from his lover.

It was an endless cycle of pain and apologizes.  

After four months of being abused, Seth gave up on everything. He stopped caring about himself and let his lover brainwash him into thinking he deserved the pain. By month five, Seth was a shell of his former self.

Seth's change in behaviour didn't go unnoticed. Both of his former tag team partners, Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose, could tell that something was wrong. They may no longer be friends, but they were once brothers and it was easy to tell when something wasn't right.

The two men blocked out Seth's problems for a while, not realizing the seriousness of it all. They just thought that Seth regretted his decision to join the authority. Or maybe he was stressed out from work.

It was nothing to worry about. But that didn't stop the nagging feeling in the back of Dean's mind, telling him that there was more to what he thought.

After a year of torment, Seth turned to something that would help stop his emotional pain. A blade. He had never understood why people self harmed, but after sitting on the bathroom floor watching the blood drip from his arm, he realized that this was something that made him happy.

It made him feel alive.  

It had gotten to the point where Seth only felt happy when he was slicing himself open. He would do anything to feel the cold, metal dig into his skin. He liked looking at the scars as well. It reminded him of all the good times he shared with his beloved blade.

It wasn't a good thing to do. It was unsafe, but Seth didn't care. He didn't want help. The abuse gave him a reason to cut. A reason to feel alive. He wasn't going to tell anyone about what was happening to him behind closed doors. He couldn't risk it.

Besides, no one cared. He had no friends and no family. The only person he had in his life was Jason, his boyfriend.

People saw them as a cute couple. Jason's friends even said they were the cutest 'celebrity' couple ever. If only they knew the reality behind it all. But Seth wasn't complaining.

He deserved it.

Especially, after what he had done to Roman and Dean. He deserved every ounce of pain that he got. He wasn't good enough for them anymore. He needed to be punished for his actions. Jason was just helping him with that.