A Scenic Connection (BoyxBoy)

CHAPTER FORTY THREE

I pulled into the driveway of my house, and my hands were already shaking a little bit with nervousness. I just had to keep telling myself that my mom hadn't said anything for that matter, so I shouldn't assume the worst. The fact that they didn't seem to really care about where I was or anything just gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach though. 

I didn't pull my car into the garage like I normally would, choosing instead to park it right there in the driveway. I turned the key off and sat there for a moment, collecting my thoughts and taking some deep breaths. Hopefully I could stay as calm as possible. Before I could change my mind and drive off instead, I pulled the handle and opened the car door, quickly shutting it behind me. With my keys in my hand, I made my way slowly towards the front door, virtually dragging my feet as if delaying would change anything. 

I reached the welcome mat and stood there for a few moments, staring at the lock on the door. Maybe I should leave. The thought kept nagging at my brain. You don't have to do this now. They can come to you if they want to talk. I turned around and took one step in the direction I came from before cursing and turning around, inserting my key into the lock. I heard it click and carefully turned the door handle, trying to keep my hand steady as I pushed the door open. 

The house was oddly quiet, like there was nobody even home at the moment. I swallowed and stepped over the threshold, closing the door behind me. The house felt completely familiar, with my dad's home office off to my right, the glass double doors closing off the entrance. The living room was directly in front of me with the kitchen and dining room off to the left out of sight. My parent's bedroom was down the hallway on the left. I took a deep steadying breath again. 

"Anyone home?" I called as steadily as I could. No answer. I decided the safest bet was to head towards my own room, potentially seeing if Gracie was in hers. I started towards the living room and when I rounded the corner the kitchen came into full view, the table where I told my mom I was gay jumped out at me as the memory came crashing back into focus. The words of our conversation reverberated in my head as I looked around for any sign of her or anyone else. I swallowed again and turned towards the stairs to head to my room. Just as my foot hit the first stair a voice startled me from behind. 

"Where've you been?" My mom said, her voice void of any emotion. I turned around quickly, seeing her sitting in the living room armchair. I guess I hadn't noticed when I glanced over there. 

"I didn't see you sitting there," I replied lamely, my feet planted firmly where they were. My mom looked at me directly for the first time, her expression was sharp, letting me know I hadn't answered her question. I chose to ignore it. "Where's Dad and Gracie?" 

"Gracie's out with friends and your Dad is at work," She said flatly, still looking directly at me. 

"Maybe I'll just come back later then," I said, as I slowly moved my feet in her direction, heading back for the front door. 

"Griffin, stop," She called after me. I obeyed, stopping in my tracks but not turning around to face her. "It's just....everything is different now," she said. I could tell she was no longer sitting because her voice was closer. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. "I mean you can't just expect things to be the same as they were when you aren't the same," she continued. I wheeled around to face her. I was fuming but trying to hold back. 

"Mom I'm still the same person. I'm still Griffin. I haven't...changed," I said sternly, looking directly at her. She seemed a little taken a back by my words. 

"Yes you have changed Griffin. You're...." she struggled with the word. 

"I'm what? Gay? You can't even say it?" I asked, an edge of annoyance in my voice. She pursed her lips.  "You're right about there being change Mom. The difference is, it's not me that's changed, it's just what you know that's changed." She looked away from me. "I've always been gay," I continued. "I've never been interested in dating girls like everyone else, Dad caught me looking at gay porn when I was in middle school. I'm still me. I'm just being more honest with you. I'm so....tired of not being my full self around my own family." She nodded quietly as I spoke. She sighed and looked at me with watery eyes.