Apprehensive Expectations [Sebastian Stan AU]

First Encounter with Moonglow

I tried steadying my breathe as I heard my dads footsteps as he walked around the front of the car to me, I heard some of the horses knickering and neighing to each other, a sound that once use to comfort me, made my body seem to freeze and my mind start to over work itself.

'Come on, let's go see him first' my dad said as he reached out to wrap his arm around my shoulder, I leaned forward into his embrace, kicking my boots slightly in the gravel.  I knew my dad could sense the tension in my body, I chose to keep looking down at the ground, as he guided my up the familiar pathway.

'Alexandria it's so good to see you again' 

I looked up to see one of my coaches walking over to us, I leave my dads embrace and walk forward to close the gap between us, he pulled me into a big hug, and then stepped back to look down at me.

'Thanks Dean' I replied, pushing my sunglasses back up on top of my head,  I couldn't reply with the usual response, It's nice to be back,  in the back of my mind I didn't really want to be back here, and having to deal with anyone, let alone the one thing that would remind me of the accident. My thoughts were interrupted,  

'Do you want to come up and see Moonglow first' Dean asked, as he looked back and forth from my dad and then back to me.

'I guess so' I replied, sound uncertain, and worried that I could start having difficulties breathing, I noticed my hands were still slightly trembling, but I didn't want them noticing what was happening to me, I flicked my hair back over my shoulder, and followed Dean up the pathway and into the stables. 

'We had to move him back into his stall inside' Dean mentioned to us,  as I saw him grab a halter and lead rope from the wall.

'He should be out in the paddock with the others, why did you move hi?' I questioned him, not sure why they would be keeping him isolated. 'He only stays inside during Winter, He shouldn't be in here' I replied, sounding a little defensive as Deans decision.

Dean turned around and looked at my dad before turning back to face me, running his hands in his light brown hair, 'He needs to be kept on his own for now'

'Why what happened to him?' I questioned him, my body becoming straighter and I looked behind Dean seeing the familiar muzzle of Moonglow.

Dean sighed unsure of how to reply, but he knew he had to be truthful, 'He hasn't been himself Alex, since the accident'

I looked into Deans eyes, tears starting to brim my eyes, realising why Moonglow, wouldn't be himself, his stable mate wasn't there anymore to bring comfort, Moonglow didn't have his mate to run in the paddock with, and someone to be his friend. 

'you've kept him in here since April ' I replied more as a statement then a question,  doing the simple math in my head. 'Charlie's been working him though right?'

'Yes, he has been worked everyday, like you parents asked us, but Alex, he needs you back with him, Charlie can keep riding him everyday, but Moonglow does miss you' Dean said resting his hand on my shoulder, he took a step to the side,  turning his head to face the stall, 'Can you at least go and say hi'

I looked up at Dean and back around to my dad, I didn't feel as certain as I once did, I had caused so much damage already, I didn't want to hurt Moonglow anymore, I knew right then I needed to sell him and make sure he went to someone who could really give him what he needed.

I took the few small steps over to the stall door, and Moonglow knickered once he saw me, and threw his head over the half door, making me smile a little too myself, I reached up and scratched his head, and then gave him a quick kiss on his muzzle which he had lowered, he stood pretty tall at 17hh, or 68 inches.

Dean passed me his head collar and lead and I hesitantly opened the stall door and slipped it on before leading him out of the stall. I turned him around and then tied him up at the cross ties. I stepped back before I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt the tears come rushing down my cheeks and into his flowy mane.

I cried for the thousandth time for so many reasons,  I cried right there for Simba, for Moonglow, myself and the damage I had caused for everyone else involved.   I hadn't even thought about the damage the accident would have caused for Moonglow, I had only been thinking about myself and of course Simba.

Of course Moonglow would have been feeling something after the accident, after all he had been driven back alone to the stables, he was without his friend, and his own owner had pretty much abandoned him since April. 

I hadn't noticed both my Dad and Dean had walked away to give me some time with him, I stepped back wiping my tears away with the palm of my hand, 'Im so sorry' I kept repeating looking up into Moonglows eyes, taking a step back. 

My breathing evened out, my body still slightly trembled still. My mind was running a million thoughts through it, but I knew once standing in front of Moonglow, that the best thing for him would be to sell him, he needed to be out there on the circuit again, it was cruel to keep him confined to a stall, he was born to compete, and he needed someone who was going to help him finish reaching his full ability, I reached out and gave his forehead a scratch with a sigh.

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