Apprehensive Expectations [Sebastian Stan AU]

Jumping Back on?

I turned around hearing footsteps come up behind me, and I turn around and see a familiar pair of eyes land on me. My hands reach up and wipe away the tears running down my cheeks knowing I couldn't hide the fact I had been crying.

'I didn't think you'd be back today' Charlie said as he closed the gap between us and brought his arms around my shoulders to give me a hug. I felt his hands run up and down my back, and I leaned into his shoulder,  not wanting to cry anymore but I needed the comfort at least for a few moments.

I take a step back, Charlies arms still rested on my shoulders, he looked down into my eyes, and brushed the few stray curls that had come out of my braid away, 'I think I'm going to sell him'  I said as I look back at Moonglow.

'You're going to just sell him like that?' Charlie questioned his tone becoming more serious, making me feel bad for a few seconds, before replying, 

'It's cruel just to make him stay here in the stall, alone, I'm not going to be jumping again, and Im not even sure Im going to be coming back to riding' I stepped around him, going to stand next to Moonglow, he once gave me complete comfort, but now standing next to him, I could feel my heart and body start trembling at the thought of another accident or worse happening.

'you're kidding me right' Charlie raised his voice spinning around to face me again. I looked down at the ground, not liking his tone of voice,  and I winced at the comment he gave next. 'One accident and you're going to call it quits?'

'Stop, please?' I whispered and pleased with him,'I came to see him today, but I just don't feel the same way now'

'Alex, it was a tragic accident, I'm sorry about what happened to Simba, I'm upset by it too, I know I wasn't there to see it happen, or be part of it, but I just don't want to see you give up everything you've been working for, you've trained everyday for 9 years,'  Charlie took a few steps towards me,  my arms braced around my body, unsure of what I was meant to do.

'I was going to take him out to do some work with him,  come out and at least watch me?' he asked me, turning around to walk down to the gear room.  I just stood there unsure of what I was meant to do,  Moonglow turned to look at me and I let my hands run up and down his neck.

Charlie walked back with his tack, and  within 10 minutes Moonglow was ready to go, and Charlie had grabbed his helmet and was leading him away to the arena, 'are you coming?' turning to ask me, and I followed him quietly. 

As we got to the arena, I saw Charlie had already jumped on, and was starting to warm Moonglow up, I leaned against the railing and even though I was watching , my mind was running a million thoughts a minute and before long Charlie was riding up along the railing and stopped once he reached me. He jumped off in a quick motion, and took his helmet off,  'Come here' he motioned for me to come into the arena.

I jumped over the railings, and walked up to him, and before I could stop him he had placed his helmet on me, 'What are you doing? I questioned him motioning to the helmet.

'you're going to jump on ' he said 'you say you're just going to give up, and thats fine, but you're at least going to have one more ride'

'I can't ride at the moment, my wrist?' I said holding up my right hand, motioning with my head the cast on it.

'you can ride with it, and you're only going to go for a walk around the arena anyway' Charlie said, giving his usual smirk, he leaned over and tightened the helmet under my chin, before offering me a leg up.

I shake my head, my heart started pounding and I could feel my hands shaking again as I felt Charlies hands reach down to my leg to help me up.

'Just sit on him at least please?' Charlie asked again, I knew in the back of my mind it was a bad idea, but within a few seconds I found myself back in the saddle. My hands knowingly picked up the reigns and my feet found their way into the stirrups even though they were a little too long for me, thanks to Charlies long legs.

'you can't tell me you don't feel anything now you're back in the saddle'

'Maybe' I nodded smilling to myself, I nudged Moonglow to walk forward taking Charlies advice even if I only rode one length of the arena,  I could feel Moonglow start to tense up, my own body had started becoming tense, and I felt  my stomach tighten, I turned to look back at Charlie and then I felt Moonglow break into a canter.

He had freaked out because my body language was confusing him, I felt him kick out  and the moment he finally stopped I jumped straight off him,the tears started pouring down my face and my knees gave way as I found myself  kneeling down in the sand. 

 I felt Charlie kneel down beside me, and in one quick motion he had taken my helmet off and dropped it next to us, he leaned over and pulled me into his embrace, 'I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you, I thought it was going to help'

I pushed him away, 'please don't touch me, ' I looked up into his eyes, 'I don't want to ever be back here' I said as I stood up pushing his hands away from me, I looked over at my horse, the tears falling down my cheeks and I turned to leave, vowing to myself I wouldn't be coming back, and that Moonglow wouldn't be mine for much longer.

'What the hell just happened?' I heard my father raise his voice at Charlie, but I kept walking to the car, and once I reached it I leaned back against it and I let myself fall to the ground, as my tears fell down and I didn't care who saw me right now.

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