Apprehensive Expectations [Sebastian Stan AU]

Dinner Date Part Three

We sat there in silence, his grasp on my hands growing weaker as we sat there, I let him take his time, not wanting to push him any further until he was ready. My mind started racing over the details he had just shared, I couldn't imagine being in his position. It would have been so awful and confronting to see someone you had known lose their battle with injuries sustained from something you, yourself loved doing and did every day.

'Maybe if I had of been there I could have done something, stepped in, walked the course with him to help him plan his course better' he said, shaking his head, sinking further in the back of the couch.

I scooted to sit closer to him, reaching up to pull his head down to rest on my shoulder, and I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, turning to still see his face slightly, as I took a deep breathe and tried my best to sound a little tough.

'Don't you dare blame yourself for what happened, even if for whatever reason you had even been there on course, there was still probably nothing you or anyone else could have done, your father was doing what he loved, and I'm sure as heck sure that he would have been so proud of your win that day too' I said, trying to sound tough like he had been to me over the past few days as I was fighting my own battles.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say next, but I could feel his breathe start evening out as his chest rose and fell in time with my own. I let my hands rub up and down his arm, as I saw him open his eyes again.

'Thank you Lex, for just listening to me, I haven't really spoken out to too many people about this, besides my mum and David, no one really knows the full extent to what had happened that week' he said, sitting up on the couch, making me have to move my arm away so it wasn't squished between the couch.

'After the accident I never felt the same, but I do regret the decisions I made in haste straight after the news broke out of my father's passing' he said, turning to face me, 'which is why I don't want you to make a haste decision about your future or Moonglows' he added, looking down at me, his hand still wrapped around mine, he gave it a quick squeeze to make sure I was paying attention, so I nodded to response, my mind not seeming to be able to form words in that moment.

'What did you do' I asked, hesitantly looked up at him, my own curiosity getting the better of me at that moment. I could see him tense up a little again, but I sat there waiting for him to continue.

'Few weeks passed , the media ran a few stories, we had the funeral to worry about so I didn't go anywhere near the horses or my stable crew, and everyone gave me the space I needed to deal with my father's passing, my mother was a wreck naturally, so I had to step up and deal with the family finances, and the interviews we were forced to do' he said, pausing every so often as he was obviously replaying certain events in his head.

' after a few weeks everyone started leaving us alone again, and I made the choice in haste to sell the horses, my father's and then my own not even really paying too much attention as to where they were being sent off too' he said, looking the other way for a few moments, before I reached over to turn him to face me again. 'I just wanted them all gone, I didn't need to have them especially Knight giving me a reminder of the events'

'We all make mistakes, I understand why you made that decision, it couldn't have been easy to deal with something like that, I'm not going to pretend I know what it was like, but I am going to remind you none of this was your fault and you can't blame yourself, sure you made some haste decisions, but we all do those things under pressure and through our own personal fears' I said, my hand resting on his lower arm.

'But you came here, and you came back to some form of riding' I added, knowing it must have been tough for him. He interrupted me before I could continue.

'I went months without riding, tried to turn my back completely on it, I travelled around with some non riding friends, but when I got back to the states I realised I was missing it, I started regretting my decisions on selling the horses, but it was too late they were already settled in their new home' he said. 'So I looked at buying a new horse but it just wasn't the same, so I looked for a job instead that would let me still be around horses.'

'Then one of my friends heard about David and Carol coming down here and opening up and name dropped me to them, next thing I knew they were calling me and asking for me to fly down here for a look around and to have a chat and I moved down here the following week, and helped David start his search for some more horses for the centre and then I was planning schedules for the camps'

We sat in silence again, both of us in our own thoughts, we were still hand in hand, both of us enjoying the contact, I looked up at him, making my small frown turn into a smile, making me interrupt our silence by speaking up,

'Well I'm glad you came back to riding and that you moved down here' I said, biting my lip at my comments I saw him look down at me, smiling as he seemed to scoot closer to me, he leaned down and said, 'I'm glad you moved down here too Lex' we seemed to inch closer together, and I felt his breathe on my lips as he moved his hand to rest on my cheek, he pulled me closer and our lips met, making me lean forward as we both gave in to each other for a few moments, before I was the one to pull back, my hand now resting on his lower arms.

I looked up at him, a little shocked to say anything as I felt his grasp tighten slightly on my shoulder, I could now make out the the light smell of vanilla and mint radiating off him that I seemed to have missed earlier. I looked down at my lap for a moment gathering my thoughts,but they were soon interrupted with Sebastian speaking up.

'I'm sorry Lex, I shouldn't have' he said, looking away for a moment.

'Don't, I think it was a little overdue' I said, reaching up to pull his face back around to look down at me, 'besides that was amazing for my first kiss' I added, blushing slightly at my honesty with him, feeling him reach down to hold my hand.

He looked down at me with a shocked expression,'that couldn't have possibly..'

I cut him off, nodding to assure him it was the truth, before leaning back up, so we were centimetres away from brushing our lips together again, I was already craving the contact again with him,as he inched closer we both got lost in each others touch again.