The Green Eyed Monster

Ch. 23

I come up behind Cat as she puts her books away in her locker, touching the small of her back gently. She jumps, whirling around, her face relaxing when she sees it's me. "Oh, Jade... it's just you."

I smile. "Just me? What were you expecting?" I lean against a locker beside her.

"A chupacabra." She says with an almost-straight face.

I raise an eyebrow. "A chupa-what?"

She nods, a smile at the corners of her lips. "A Mexican goat-sucker."

I roll my eyes. "Gee, thanks."

Her eyes flicker closed as I lean in, her smile growing wider as I move to kiss her, her hand still on the door of her locker. Thank God this school doesn't care about public displays of affection. I move my hands around Cat's waist, pulling her closer, her hands linking behind my neck as I move to push her up against the lockers. She makes a soft sound that starts a slow, hot throb in my chest, and I push up against her harder, getting more absorbed in kissing her. Cat tentatively flicks her tongue over my lips, and I let her in, slightly surprised. She's not usually the one to take things further. I ignore the sound of someone clearing their throat. Whoever they are, they can wait. "Jade? Uh... Jade!" I sigh internally, pulling away from Cat regretfully.

"What?" I snap, turning to face the annoyance.

It's Beck, his arms crossed and an uncomfortable look on his face. "We need to talk."

I actually sigh this time. What is it about today? Everybody needs to talk to me about this or that or etcetera... can't anyone sort out their own problems? "Is it important?" I ask impatiently, glancing back to Cat.

"Yes. It is." Beck's voice is hard, and a little uneven, like he's trying to force himself to be calm. It's not like him at all. I glance over at Cat again. The temptation to stay here and kiss her is... well, it's overpowering, but I do have a bone to pick with Beck. He told Tori about what I was doing with Cat... if Cat had found out... I can't even think about that. Actually, the more I think about what he did, the more of a dick move it becomes.

"Sure. We can talk." I make sure to kiss Cat goodbye, extending it a little longer than it needs to be, partially to make Beck uncomfortable, and partially because... well, it's hard to resist.

Beck leads me into the janitor's closet, though I'll be damned if I've ever seen a janitor anywhere near this place.

"Well." Beck starts, crossing his arms and facing me.

I raise an eyebrow, shrugging. "Well..."

He leans forward, smiling tightly. "Tori broke up with me."

"Okay..." I don't know what he expects from me. Sympathy?

Beck seems infuriated at my candour. "She broke up with me because you told her we kissed!" He finally barks.

I snort. "So? You said you were gonna break up with her anyway." I frown, going on the offensive. "Besides, you told her about Cat. You know I'm with Cat for real now. Why would you tell her that?"

"I... I don't know..." He looks away. "But you shouldn't have told her we kissed!"

I shake my head. I've never seen Beck this... this immature. "But we did. She almost told Cat you know! Are..." I narrow my eyes, studying Beck. "Are you still jealous? I thought you were okay with me and Cat."

Beck looks away, rocking back and forth on his feet with a heavy sigh. "I... I thought I was, but... seeing you with her, it just... it's driving me crazy!"

I feel a surge of anger rise in me. "So you told Tori because you knew she'd tell Cat? Beck... how could you do that? That's..." I pause. "That's like something I'd do... would have done."

A small smile quirks Beck's lips. "Hey, I did learn a few things from you."

I sigh heavily, putting a hand to my forehead. "Beck... I thought we were just gonna be friends."

"I know. But I still love you... and I can't forget about it. I've tried."

I shake my head. "But you stayed with Tori anyway? That's not fair Beck."

He laughs mirthlessly. "You know I said that to you not too long ago? What'd you say again? Oh, right, that nothing's fair." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Look... I'm sorry. I just thought that if I couldn't be with you, maybe I could be with Tori, that she'd help me get over you. But seeing you with Cat..." He looks at me imploringly. "I can't help the way I feel Jade. I do still love you. I do still want you... I know I shouldn't have told Tori... I shouldn't have tried to break you and Cat up. I just... I just need time, I think." A sad smile quirks his face. "You're not easy to get over."

"Beck, I love you... not in the way you want me to, but I do. But if you're gonna sneak around and try to break me and Cat up... then we can't be friends. I need to be able to trust you. We've been friends since forever, even before we dated... I don't want to lose what we have, but I'm not gonna pretend I feel like I did. I'm with Cat now, and I need you to be okay with that."

Beck stares at me, stony-faced, but I can see the conflict underneath. Beck's a good guy at heart... it's me that's taught him how to be bad. He wants to be there for me, he wants to be okay with this, but part of him is struggling against it, a selfish little part that wants me at any cost. I know... I planted that part. His voice is soft and low, the words forcing themselves out. "I... I can't. I want to, but I can't. I just... I need time Jade. I just can't right now. I can't be there for you and see you with her. It hurts too much."

I let out a held breath, my shoulders slumping. "It's... it's okay. I understand." I'm disappointed, but I'm not surprised. Beck'd have to be a saint or a bastard to put his feelings behind him so easily, but he's human, and he's flawed. "I'm sorry about Tori."

He shrugs. "It's okay. I had it coming." He looks at me soberly. "I'll be okay Jade, I will. I'll be there for you when it counts, I promise, I just..." He looks down.

"I know. It's okay." I turn to go, pausing as Beck speaks again.

"I want you to be happy." His voice drops, sounding resigned. "But I can't do that anymore, can I?"

I lean against the door for a moment. "No. You can't." I leave him in there. There's nothing I can say to make him get over me, the only thing I could possibly do is to make him hate me, and I don't want that. If there's one thing I've learned, you can't force people to do what you want. You can't even force yourself to.

I join Cat at the lunch table, sitting next to her heavily. She doesn't say anything, doesn't ask what it was about, her eyes running over me, a little wrinkle between her eyes. She slides closer to me, leaning into me a little, and I smile. That's one of the things I like about Cat. She's different in a good way. She's not peppering me with questions, she's not trying to clamber her way into my mind. She just sees I'm upset, that what I've talked about with Beck isn't all sunshine and lollipops, and she comforts me. She shows me that she cares, that she doesn't need to know what happened, only that she wants to make me less upset. And it helps, it really does, more than talking about it ever could. She's the only one who's never asked anything of me, who's given herself to me without expecting anything in return.

Cat slides half her sandwich over to me, noticing that I've neglected to bring anything, distracted as I was with Beck. Today... today has been terrible. I hate drama, yet I've had to put up with more of it in the past few hours than a teenage soap opera. I've had more people digging at me, had more ups and downs than a slinkie on a rollercoaster, and yet... it's been a good day.

Cat leans her head against my shoulder, her arm around my waist, chatting softly to Robbie about narwhals. I pick up the half-sandwich, glancing at her. I was right when I said Beck couldn't make me happy anymore. He can't... but Cat can.

I take a bite of the sandwich. It's been a good day.

A/n~
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