The Green Eyed Monster

Ch. 29

"What?"

"Jade?"

I can hear noise in the background... Beck's probably at school. "Yeah, what do you want?" My voice is impatient as I glance over at Cat, who's sitting on the bed with a smile on her face. She's still without a shirt, and I'm still very much aware of that. I'm even more aware of Cat's hand rubbing over my back gently, fingers barely brushing me.

"Why aren't you at school?"

I hear a clack, and then it gets a little quieter. Beck's gone somewhere more private.

"Because." I say tersely.

He sighs loudly into the phone. "It's because of Cat, isn't it?"

I glance over at the person in question, who's smiling dreamily, her hair slightly mussed up. "Look, can this wait?"

"No. It can't." My eyebrows pull down, eyes tearing themselves from Cat. Beck's tone... it's not one I've heard from him much. "We need to talk, now." His voice is harsh, serious, and... it alarms me. Beck's always been so laid back, so relaxed. I've hardly heard him speak beyond a drawl but for in plays. He never loses his cool, but... he's losing it now. He came close to losing it in the janitor's closet. I glance over at Cat again, briefly.

"Just give me a sec." I stand, shoulder pressing the phone into my ear as I shimmy on some panties. Cat lowers her hand from where it'd been rubbing my back, looking up at me questioningly. I cover the mouthpiece of the phone for a moment, taking it away from my ear. "I won't be long."

Cat's smile spreads across her face again. "Told it you it was important."

I close my bedroom door behind me, walking to the kitchen. Whatever Beck wants to talk about... I don't want Cat to hear. I lean over the granite counter, the speckled surface cool against my forearms. I press the phone to my ear again. "Okay. What is it?"

Beck's voice is terse. "Why are you doing this?"

I frown, "Doing what?"

"W-why are you toying with me like this Jade?" Beck's voice breaks, and I feel my heart lunge. He's never... I've never heard him so unsettled.

"Like what? Beck... what are you talking about?" I'm utterly perplexed. I don't... I haven't done anything.

"Stop Jade. Just... just stop. This thing with Cat, it's not real."

"Beck... I thought you understood."

"How can you just get over me so easily?"

"Me?" I splutter. "You're the one who started dating Tori five minutes after we broke up."

There's a moment of silence on the other end of the line, as if Beck had forgotten about that. "But I broke up with her Jade, I broke up with her for you. You... you said you still wanted me."

I sigh. Why can't anything ever be easy? "What do you want me to say Beck? That I'm still using Cat, that I don't feel anything for her? That Cat's just a tool to get you back? That Cat means nothing to me? That this is one of my sick games to punish you? Would that make you feel better? What do you think would happen if we got back together?" I turn my head at a clattering sound, lowering my voice just in case. There's nothing there... probably just the cat, but still, I don't need Cat hearing this.

Beck's quiet for a few moments. "We'd... we'd be happy." He says it doubtfully. Beck's smart, he's not stupid enough to actually think we would be, but feelings aren't logical. That's why I never had them. There's no reasoning with your emotions, and he can't help but hope.

"You know we wouldn't be. We weren't before. You know that. Why do you think things would be different?"

He sighs heavily, and I shift uncomfortably, straightening and glancing into the hall that leads into my room. I squint... my door's open, light filtering into the dim hall. "I know. I just... I still love you Jade. I'm trying so hard not to, but... all I can think about is you. I can't... I can't stand it. How can you get over me so quickly when I can't get over you?"

I listen distractedly, moving around the counter into the hall. "I can't answer that. I'm sorry Beck, but..." The door is open. I look inside... She's not there. Maybe Cat's just gone to the bathroom or something. The girl's got a bladder like a squirrel. "But... I can't... I don't know what to say."

Beck takes a deep breath. "I... I know. This was stupid. I... I'm not normally like this-"

I move further down the hall, peering into every open room. Cat's curious, maybe she's just exploring. Oh God, I hope she hasn't gotten into my film collection. If she finds The Little Mermaid... I'll never live it down. "I know you're not. Maybe you should talk to Lane?" I really don't know what else to suggest, and to be quite honest, my full attention isn't with Beck. I know that Cat's probably just distracted somewhere, or in the bathroom, or any of a million other innocent things, but... I can't help but feel slightly worried.

"Maybe you're right. I... I think I might. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." My tone is a little sharper than I intend, but... I still haven't found Cat and I'm almost out of rooms to check, so unless she's hiding on purpose, I'm running out of ideas as to where she could be. "I... I have to go, Beck."

He sighs again. "Okay. I..." He hesitates, as if there's more he wants to say. I'm torn... Beck... I've never heard him this upset, but Cat's... Cat's more important now. He finally just says, "Bye."

"Bye." I press the end button. I've reached the bathroom. It's the last place she could be, at least if she's still inside the house. The door's open. "Cat?" I already know she's not in there. "Fuck." I say softly. Maybe... maybe she's back in my room. I can hope.

She's not there. She's not here. I catch a glimpse of myself in my mirror. My eyes are wide, and the sight only increases my panic, seeing how worried I look. It makes it more real, somehow. I run a hand through my hair, stooping to pick up my discarded jeans and tugging them on. Cat's shirt is gone off the floor. Well... wherever she is, at least she's wearing a shirt. I know, I know I shouldn't be worrying this much. It's Cat, she's easily distracted, but given the conversation I just had with Beck... what if she heard?

I head out the front door, looking around outside... it's my last hope. Maybe she's gone to twirl in the rain some more. I hope... I hope... no. Stop it. You're just... you're overreacting. You're worrying, because this is what you do when you care about someone, when you, Jade, love someone. Every little thing is the end for you. It was the same with Beck. All he had to do was even just mention a girl, and you were sure he was fucking her. And he never, ever was.

I dial Cat's number on my phone impatiently. It's the last thing I can think of. She's probably just hiding somewhere, waiting for me to walk past so she can spring out, giggling. It seems like the kind of thing she'd do, so I head back into the house, phone ringing. "Hi, this is Cat, which... you probably already know since you called me! I can't talk right now, so leave a message and I'll get right back to you, promise."

She's not answering. And she's not here. I pace back and forth, ringing her again. I'm overreacting, I know. I have to be. I can't... I don't know what to do though. I don't know where she could be. I just... I need a minute to think. Fucking Beck. No... it's my own fault. Why did I even answer? I'm overreacting. That's all. I head into my room again, grabbing my handbag and pulling out my car keys. Overreacting or not, I'm going to look for her. I can't just stay here, pacing back and forth and going out of my mind. And if she's out there, in the rain, then that can't be good for her. Cat's not the type to worry about her health. I know because she always gets colds, and I'm the one who has to look after her. I couldn't figure it out until she told me she used to like laying in the rain and closing her eyes, just pretending she was under a waterfall. I thought it was stupid... I still do, but I find myself hoping that's all it is this time too. Just Cat being Cat. I close the front door to my house, unlocking my car. It has to be. It has to.