The Green Eyed Monster

Ch. 34

I motion to Beck, and he rolls his eyes, putting his phone up to his ear. "Hey, it's me."

I scoot closer to Beck, trying to hear. It's a subconscious thing, I know I won't be able to hear, but I want to, I need to. Even though he just broke up with Tori, Beck's still closer to her than I am, he'll still be able to get more out of her than I can. Some people don't appreciate bluntness.

"Is she with Cat?" I whisper, Beck waving a hand at me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just at home. How are you?"

This is not the time for small talk. Why do people even bother with it? It takes so long to get to anything important, anything real. I know what the weather is like, thanks, and I don't really care about how you are. I've never done it, there's no point in it, and I stare at Beck until he gets it.

"Are you with Cat?" He listens intently, nodding, and I feel like telling him that Tori can't see him. He catches it in my annoyed glance and stops. "So you are with Cat." Beck says, looking at me. "How is she?" His dark, thick eyebrows furrow, lines appearing in his forehead, eyes flicking away from me. "Oh." He purses his pale pink lips, compressing them to a thin line, an intent expression on his face. "She... she is?"

I chew my lip nervously, and my hands feel so useless, touching the dull red comforter, touching on my knee, each other. It's like the butterflies have escaped my stomach and moved to my hands.

Beck's eyes flick back to me, and they're dark, and serious. "Look, Jade's here, and- you didn't ask, that's why. Is.. is that Cat?"

It's so frustrating, hearing just one side of the conversation, knowing that... that Tori's with Cat, doing what I should be... what I've lost the right to do. And maybe that's why my hands are so nervous; they know where they should be, what they should be doing, and they're frustrated that they can't. They want to be holding Cat, that's their job, and they've just been fired. I fold them in my lap, keeping them still.

"You're gonna spend the night with her? Good. She's... she said that? No, I don't know what she's talking about." Beck's eyes widen, his eyebrows shooting up. That's not a good sign, not at all, and I still my twitching hands, clenching them around each other. "Okay... I'll catch you later." He takes the phone away from his ear, staring at it with a sigh.

I try to quell my impatience, but my hands burst free, clenching the comforter. "What'd she say? Is Cat okay?"

Beck's fingers curl around his phone, and he looks up at me, a cautious curiosity in his eyes. "No, she's not. She's just... Tori said she's just lying there. Tori's... she's pretty angry at you, Jade."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever, I can take Vega. What... what did Cat say?"

Beck licks his lips, jaw working, and his eyes have an edge to them, the irises almost black in this light, pupils invisible against them. "She said it was happening again."

A muscle in my cheek twitches, and I lean back. At least... at least nothing's happened to her. At least Tori is with her. It should be me, I should be there. "It is happening again." I murmur softly, fingers toying with a hole in my worn, black shirt, picking apart the threads. And my jeans are too tight, the waistband slicing into my belly and making my breath short, and I sit so it presses harder, so it hurts more. I shouldn't be able to breathe properly. I should be suffering. I should have a reminder that's Cat's gone, and I wince, the button digging into me.

Beck's eyebrows meet over the bridge of his nose, as he notices my wince, his face tightening, tan skin oddly pale in the light of his RV. "Jade... what's happening again? What's going on?" His hand grabs my wrist from where I've touched it to my stomach, my body wanting to ease my discomfort, even if my mind doesn't.