The Real Me [H.S]

37.

MIA

Standing on the stage in front of all my fans felt so good. However one thing always got me down, the fact they weren't shouting my name but Lucy's. I've always wanted my name out there and in some way I have, its still me, just a different name and I'm starting to hate it. As I was performing last night I couldn't help but think about what all these people standing in front of me would think after I tell my secret. After they find out that they've been lied too. That's what they'll think. That they've been lied to, that is for sure but I just hope they understand why I did this. Especially from such a young age. I also hope they understand why I'm coming out about it now. All I can do is hope.

"You cant do this, you'll lose everything you've work for!" My mum shouted at me as we walked down the halls at the end of my show.

Everyone was leaving and you could still hear chatting and screaming from backstage but I blocked it all out because I needed to concentrate on this conversation with my mum. Normally I would be hyped and happy from a show but right now I was frustrated because my mum just didn't understand.

"Mum you know how much I'm starting to hate this, why cant you understand?" I moaned as I followed behind her.

"I don't understand because I don't get why you would just want to throw away everything that you've worked for since you were fifteen." Mum exclaimed.

"I'm not throwing it away! I'm just going to be myself with everyone instead of lying. I mean how am I meant to settle down and be happy if I have to be two people my whole life!"

"Mia, do you really think the whole world will be happy and just ignore the fact that you lied for four years of your career, do you really think your fan will understand? They wont just brush this away, there's going to be so much back lash and I don't want you to hurt even more with that. I'm trying to look out for you." Mum explained, now stopping and turning to face me.

"I get that mum but I can handle it, I promise! I know at first it will be bad but if I explain myself and soon enough everyone will start to understand why I did it" I explained to her and she sighed.

"Your stubborn and whatever I say wont change your mind on this but I want you to know and think about who else you will be dragging down with you" Mum said taking my hand in hers.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"You wont only be taking yourself down with the media but also me, your brother, Kim, Andy and even Harry will get some of it. I know you want to do this and I'm actually proud of you for thinking this through but you need to think of the people you care about too."

I sighed as she kissed my forehead and walked away, leaving me standing in the empty hallway on my own. That got me thinking. I knew this wouldn't just affect me. I knew Kim, Andy, Mum and Teddy would be affect but I thought I would still be able to protect them. They all understood why I wanted this, they understand. However I didn't think how this would affect Harry. He knows both Mia and Lucy. He'll feel betrayed and I don't know what he'll do. Actually I have an idea what he will do. Shout at me. Say what he feels and leave me. I know that's what he'll do because its what I would do and I deserve it.

As I looked around the empty hallway it made me think that this is what it will be like when I let my secret out. I will be empty and alone, standing on my own. Kim and Andy might not stick around for long because they wont want all the hate for knowing but I doubt they'll get much as it will be them being good friends to me. Mum wont be around as much. She'll probably want another job and will get me another manager because she wont want the hate, as a mother you don't want anything like that. Teddy, he will understand what's going on. His smart. But he was never around when I was Lucy anyway, so that'll be normal. However Harry wont be here ether. He'll want space or will just not want to be around me anymore. This is how I will feel when I come out. Alone. But somehow I feel ok with that. I feel alright to be alone doing the thing I love, as long as I can be me. No more Lucy Parker. That's all I want. No more Lucy Parker.

I walked down the empty hallway to my dressing room thinking of all the ways I can come out with this secret without causing to much damage.

"There you are"

"You took your time coming back from stage tonight"

Andy and Kim's voices filled my ears as I opened the door to my dressing room, leaving it a-jar as I walked over to my mirror.

"Yea, I was talking to my mum, sorry" I said as I gripped the edge of the counter with my hands, turning my knuckles white.

"What's up Mia?" Andy asked coming over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't know what to do" I announced as tears came to my eyes but nothing came out.

"With what?" Kim asked no getting interested.

"The only Lucy thing. I want to let it out but I don't know how" I said turning round and looking at them, as they stood in front of me.

"We can work this out now!" Kim cheered and me and Andy laughed at her. "Who we got to tell?"

"Like the whole world" Andy announced and I nodded.

"Ok, so this could be hard. I see what you mean" She said making me laugh a little.

"I think the main person I need to tell is Harry" I announce and they nod.

"But how will you do it? Because he knows both of you and Mia. I mean how could you do that without making it turn out bad" Andy asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know..." I trailed off looking back at myself in the mirror.

I could hardly recognise myself with this brown wig on. I sighed.

"How can you tell someone you love that you aren't who they think you are. I don't want to hurt him. I just want the truth out. I've been doing this since I was fifteen and I hate it now. I hate the lying and the secrets. It use to be fun but now I'm older, I've grown out of Lucy and I think she's grown out of me. We're not the same person. Lucy is just someone I pretend to be. Kim, you made me realise that. But I just don't know how you explain that to someone and not lose them. I dot get how you get them to understand." I said slowly pulling my wig off and letting my natural hair fall over my shoulder. "How do you tell someone that?" I whispered.

"I think you just did."

That voice. It wasn't Kim's or Andy's and right now I wished it was. I turned round straight away with wide eyes. My wig was being held in my right hand as I stood there with my natural blonde hair. I looked at my wig and then back at the boy I loved, who was standing in the doorway of my dressing room with a bunch of flowers in his hands.

________________________________________________

DUHHHH DUHHHHH DUHHHHH.......................

OOOOOOO HARRY WALKED IN ON HER TALKING:ooooooo

WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK ABOUT THIS??? WHAT DDO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN NEXT????

THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE UP SOON TONIGHT :)

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