Angel of Light (A Zak Bagans Story)

Chapter 96: Talking in the Moonlight

Chapter 96: Talking in the Moonlight

Zak's Point of View

"Are you sure you really want to date me?" Alicia asked, as she sat with her knees up to her chest, staring off into the darkness.

I wasn't the type of person to panic very often, but I suddenly found myself freaking out. Why was she suddenly asking me this? Had I done something wrong? Was she having second thoughts?

Please no...

"What are you talking about Ali? Of course I want to date you, otherwise I wouldn't be here," I replied, sitting up myself now so I could at least see her face. She looked upset, confused, and worried. What thoughts were going through her mind?

"Okay...valid point...but have you really thought this through?" She asked softly.

'Thought this through...?' What is she talking about...

"What do you mean?" I replied, not wanting to be one of those airhead boyfriends who couldn't pick up on their girlfriend's emotions, but she had seemed fine a minute ago.

"I mean...about the future...us...how will it play out..." She responded softly, leaving me feeling even more confused.

This was her first date, ever, and she was suddenly worried about the future of our relationship?

I turned myself around, and then scooted backwards a bit so that I was facing her.

"Ali...I'm trying really hard here not to have one of those 'dumb guy' moments...but you've lost me..." I said softly, hoping it wouldn't anger her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Alicia's Point of View

Oh god, you're not making any sense girl, just spit it out! I thought, but it was so hard.

Just thinking about sex alone was enough to make me blush – talking about it was nearly impossible. But as I looked up at Zak's face - now that he had positioned himself so he was facing me – I could see the confusion, and even worry, in his eyes.

I took a bit of a deep breath before I spoke.

"I know this is only our first date...and that thinking about these things is not exactly normal for a first date...but if things aren't going to work out...I would rather find out now then before we get closer and-" I started, but stopped when I felt Zak place one of his hands over mine.

"Ali...you're starting to freak me out here...did I do something wrong? Just tell me..." Zak said, worry written all over his face.

I felt horrible.

"No, no. You didn't do anything wrong..." I said softly.

"Then what is it?" Zak questioned.

God, Ali, just say it!

I couldn't stop myself from closing my eyes tightly, before I just blurted it out.

"Sex!" I said, a little more loudly than I had intended.

~*~*~*~*~

Zak's Point of View

I couldn't help chuckling softly at Alicia's sudden outburst – I could clearly tell by the look on her face she hadn't meant for it to come out like that. But then after my amusement subsided, I felt confused again.

"What about it?" I asked.

I watched her as she opened her eyes again, but she kept them downcast, as if she were trying to avoid looking at me.

"I just...I mean...I don't know if it's just me...but I've felt a lot of-" Alicia started, but then stopped, her face reddening.

"A lot of...?" I asked.

"...sexual-tension..." She replied quickly, almost making it sound like one word.

I managed not to laugh at how adorable she looked, even though she was looking downward.

"It's not just you..." I said softly, gently stroking the top of her hand with my thumb.

I heard her breath hitch for a moment before she spoke again.

"Okay...well...there's that...and then there's me – a virgin – and I'm just...afraid..." She said softly.

I frowned at her admittance of feeling afraid – had I done something to cause that?

"Why are you afraid, doll?" I asked softly.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Alicia's Point of View

I kept my eyes downward, finding it easier to talk about this by not looking at Zak.

So adult of you...

"I'm afraid...because...my original plan growing up was that I wanted to wait until I got married...but now, I'm not so sure...and even if I do change my mind on that, I don't know when I'll feel ready to-" I started to explain, but stopped when I felt Zak's hand lift off my own, and then gently tilt my chin up until I was forced to look at him. He had a look of understanding on his face – at least I hoped that's what it was.

"Ali...I'm not going to pressure you into anything you're not ready for, I promise," Zak said softly, his hand lingering along my jawline and his thumb gently stroking my cheek.

It felt comforting.

"I know...but I feel like it's unfair to you...you've been with other women...and now I feel like I'm punishing you or something..." I said quietly, feeling my eyes tear up a bit.

Fuck, why do I have to be so hard on myself?

"Oh doll, you're not punishing me. If I didn't want to wait, I wouldn't of asked you to be my girlfriend," Zak said, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb still. "Don't cry," he added.

I tried to force back the forming tears and forced myself to look at him again.

"Are you sure...?" I asked quietly, afraid of his response, but he nodded and had a completely serious look on his face.

"I'm sure. I know we've had our moments of 'sexual-tension'-" Zak started, mimicking how quickly I had spoken the two words before.

I couldn't help but laugh quietly, which caused him to smile.

"But I also know just because we may have a moment, that doesn't mean you're ready – I know that. Don't you remember what I told you the day you first told me you were a virgin?" Zak asked.

I thought back to that day - the two of us sitting in his backyard - and I had just told him everything about my lack of relationship and intimate history. But that conversation had been so stressful for me, my memories of it were a bit foggy now.

Before I could say a word, Zak spoke up.

"You're worth the wait..." Zak said softly, and I remembered instantly.

I couldn't help but smile, and feel a bit relieved, that Zak still felt this way.

"Really...?" I asked softly, finding it was almost too good to be true.

"Really," Zak said, with a slight smile as he gently pushed some hair back over my shoulder. "And besides, it's not like I'm completely being tortured," he added, using a joking tone on the word "tortured".

"What do you mean?" I questioned, suddenly feeling worried despite his honesty.