the broken ones | | joshler

Disaster

I raised up in bed, drenched in sweat, breathing heavily. I moved my hands through my hair a few times, and glanced at the clock.
5:58am
My chest hurt. My back hurt. My whole body hurt and I all I could see was that reflection of myself..in which I had decided to name Blurryface.
I looked down at my shirtless chest- there were claw marks all across it. Starting at my collarbone and ending halfway down to my stomach. Deep red claw marks. They weren't just scratches,they were almost like cuts. But I didn't remember doing this to myself.
I felt so very lonely. Am I my only friend? I started to wonder. I hope not.
Now the night..is coming to an end..
I hope I'm not,my only friend....

I closed my eyes. School was soon. I dreaded school. Id be pushed around by the same people, struggle in the same spots..it would be a miserable day.
"Kill yourself,Tyler. It's the only way to get rid of me"
"Leave me alone.." I said, my breath becoming short,and heavy," I'm not gonna let you control me"
"Tyler..I am stronger than you. I am capable of much more than you are. You can't defeat me."
"I am warning you..leave me alone" I pulled at the rubber band on my wrist,and let it go. Letting it snap hard against my skin,and I repeated it over and over.
"Cute.But you are just a worthless 17 year old boy,Uncapable of anything but defeat."
I couldn't take to anymore..I pulled at the rubber band over and over letting it leave red marks across my skin,and I kept going. I kept pulling at it-until it snapped right in half, and then, I burst into tears.
"Look at the little weak and worthless baby"

•BEYOND THIS POINT THERE IS SELF HARM.IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED I SUGGEST YOU SKIP OVER THIS PART,ONCE YOU SEE THE THREE BLACK STARS,IT WILL BE OKAY TO CONTINUE READING•

I got up out of bed and ran over to my closet, yanking the louver doors open as quick as I could. I reached up onto the top shelf and grabbed a small wooden box; about the size of the palm of my hand; and opened it, the inside of the small wooden box revealing 4 blades. Two small sharp ones, and two that were a little bigger and a bit more dull.
I grabbed ahold of one of the sharp small ones,gracing it across my fingertip, leaving a small slit.
"See,Tyler..we both knew you'd give up eventually"
I laid the blade across my wrist, pulling it quickly letting it glide across my skin- leaving a long cut,that automatically bled, then I repositioned it underneath that cut and did the same,and continued until I made it to the middle of my arm. Then I stopped, dropping the blade onto the floor,tears making their way down my face,"Look what you've done" I said ,"look at what you did.." I stared at my arm,mostly covered in cuts,blood all over it.
"What a shame...."

***you can continue to read along :)***

I sighed,picking up the blade and laying it on my nightstand,then kicking the small box holding the rest of the blades under my bed. Then I heard footsteps- and quickly grabbed ahold of my hoodie laying on the back of my desk chair and threw it on, plopping down on the bed,pretending to just awake.
My door knob rattled and my mom stuck her head in,"Tyler hon- oh you're already awake. That's great. How are you this morning?"
I groaned,"Good"
"Good. Because it's 6:30 and you need to get ready."
"Ok.."
She took a glance at me and quickly closed the door,and I didn't get up until I heard the sound of footsteps stop.
I got up and grabbed my razor off my nightstand,shoving it into the pocket of my hoodie,"I'll need you sometime again today.." I mumbled to myself, quickly grabbing a pair of jeans and slipping them on over my boxers,along with my sneakers,and I didn't even feel like brushing my teeth- or eating breakfast. It was a 30 minute walk to school anyway- I might as well leave now and get it over with.

OMFG! Guys I have to admit I'm pretty proud of this chapter/part of the story. Although you will miss almost half the story if you have to skip over the triggering part. But still, there is much more to come. Please do not self harm! Let me make it 100% clear I do not think it is okay to self harm. It is an awful way to solve your problem. Please stay alive and stay safe |-/ and if you need me you can direct message me on my Instagram @tylerhpesoj