Modest Temptations - Book 2 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 17 - But my brain doesn't want to

But my brain doesn't want to

Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn sat in the hotel restaurant picking at their food as they talked animatedly about their theories for Louis meeting with the ‘new’ unofficial management. Zayn didn’t join in as he stared at the vegetarian lasagne that sat untouched on his plate. How could he eat? He felt sick lying to the boys and feigning innocence as they worried about Louis and management. 

“It could just be a new contract about our album?” Liam tried to sound confident but when Zayn’s eyes flickered to his unshaven face he could see the lines of worry on his forehead. Everything was a blur, a sequence of sound as they talked and Zayn’s thoughts were so loud. He rested on his hand, elbow planted on the table and tried to fight off the worry that assembled in his chest. 

“You okay?” Niall asked nudging Zayn. 

Zayn blinked and smiled, “Fine, just didn’t sleep well.” It was so painfully obvious he was lying, he could feel their eyes scrutinising him as he stabbed the lasagne. 

The truth was he too had a meeting with Management, he was being sent, possibly to the United States for a few weeks to be Louis’ chaperone. He knew about the deal with Ava, the new contract he knew everything but Louis had made his swear until he was blue in the face that he wouldn’t say a word to Harry. His hair was a mess, his mind an array of unassembled thoughts and he felt sick with torment. This couldn’t be good, another girl to hide Louis sexuality, it was bad enough the first time. But, now they had the haunting memory still fresh in their minds of Dakota. Her death, her bitter lies and the way she afflicted them each with so much pain. Zayn could see Harry wasn’t coping, he always looked over his shoulder anxiously waiting for the next bad thing to happen and in all honesty, Zayn didn’t know what to do. 

Images of the collage flickered through his consciousness, a morose reminder of what Blake was capable of… if it even was Blake. 

“Louis hasn’t called me yet,” Liam said pulling Zayn from his reverie. 

“You’re sure you have no idea what’s going on?” Niall was pushing him, Zayn could see the way Niall was studying his face every time he was asked a question. He knew, Niall saw him leave early in the morning. 

“No,” Zayn mumbled distracting himself with mouthfuls of iced water. 

“I just hope it’s nothing bad,” Harry moaned as he rested his head in his hands. 

“It’ll be fine,” Niall said squeezing Harry’s shoulder in reassurance. 

“Yeah,” Zayn agreed half heartedly. 

“Zayn,” Niall turned to him. 

Zayn looked up, “yeah?”

“Come with me for a cigarette?” Niall said grinning with a mouthful of spaghetti. 

Liam frowned nudging him, “You don’t smoke.”

“Well,” Niall said standing up, “Maybe I feel like one. It’s been a shit of a week,” he said and none of them could argue. 

Zayn watched him cautiously before sighing and pushing his chair back, it grated on the floor as he stood up. “Back soon lads,” he flashed a dazzling smile and taking a deep breath as he hesitantly followed Niall outside. 

“So,” Niall said turning on him the moment they stepped outside. 

“What?” Zayn avoided his eyes as he lit up a cigarette, he handed one to Niall as he took a deep breath in. 

Niall laughed, waving a hand in thanks. “You didn’t actually think I would smoke did you?”

Zayn shrugged. 

“Where did you go this morning Zayn?” Niall asked, folding his arms. 

Zayn just shrugged, sucking on the cigarette thankful for the distraction. He blew out the smoke and met Niall’s eyes, “Gym.”

“In your jeans?”

“Yeah,” Zayn said half heartedly. 

“Zayn?” Niall said sternly. 

“What?” He snapped. 

“Why are you lying?” He asked. 

“I’m not,” he shrugged, trying to act like he didn’t care. 

“Is it about Louis?”

“No.”

“The band?”

“Suppose,” Zayn said noncommittally. 

“Just tell me,” Niall begged. 

“No.”

“Please?”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I said I can’t, okay?” Zayn raised his voice. 

“When are we going to stop fucking hiding things from eachother?” Niall sighed, he snatched a newspaper off the nearest table and shoved the photos of Dakota’s zipped up body bag in his face. “This,” he said pointing at her candid photo plastered across the front page. “This is what happens when we lie.”

Zayn said nothing.

“We all promised last night, we promised to stop lying. Why are you going back on it now?”

“I’m not going back on anything,” he said, obviously frustrated as he puffed away on his cigarette.

“Then tell me,” Niall said. 

“No.”

“I’ll tell the boys,” he threatened. 

“Great… more drama!” Zayn rolled his eyes, displeased at the entire situation, memories of him signing the contract swelled in his mind.

“Zayn?” Niall cleared his throat. 

Zayn turned to meet Niall’s eyes, “just leave it.”

“No.”

“I can’t say anything.”

“Great,” Niall rolled his eyes, “So we’re lying again are we?”

Zayn opened his mouth but then closed it again. “It was personal, just forget it.”

Liam and Harry were at the door. Niall looked at Zayn expectantly, “You have three seconds or I’m telling them.”

“Don’t!” Zayn hissed. 

“Don’t what?” Harry asked.

Zayn shook his head. 

“Don’t what?” Liam asked again, a little louder assuming they hadn’t heard Harry.

“It’s nothing,” Zayn rolled his eyes. “Niall’s just being annoying.”

“What’s going on here?” Harry raised his eyebrows looking at them both.

Niall looked at Zayn who narrowed his eyes, “Don’t” he warned. 

Niall sighed, “Zayn had a meeting with Management before Louis, he’s not telling me why.”

Then the flood of questions started and Zayn stared angrily at Niall. “It’s not my business to tell,” he snapped. 

“So it’s about Louis?” Harry asked. 

“No.”

“Then what?” Liam said.

“Fucking drop it,” Zayn hissed. 

“Why are you lying to us?” Niall said. “You’re obviously upset you haven't spoken all through lunch, you haven’t touched your food and you look like you’re going to throw up.”

Zayn threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it angrily, “I said forget it.”

“Why?” Liam pressed. 

“Fuck!” Zayn shouted and then turned to walk off, they were calling out after him as he left. In search of Louis, hell, in search of escape. If there was any time Zayn needed to get away, it was now more then ever.