Family Doesn't End in Blood, But it Doesn't Start There Either

Trust

"Jared, Jared, stop it! Stop it please!!" I shouted as his fist collided with my face over and over. "I'm sorry. Please stop!"

"Stay the hell out of my family!" He shouted in my face. I was in so much pain I wished I would die. I closed my eyes only to open them and see Jared right next to me shaking me and saying my name. I scooted away from him so far I nearly fell out of bed.

"Stay away, Jared. Stay back." He put his hands up in surrender.

"It's ok, Sarah. You were dreaming. It's just me. I'm just standing here." Tears fell out in rivers. Gen came over and tried to calm me down but it didn't work. "Sarah, I'm just gonna give you a hug. I swear." He walked over slowly and as soon as his arms were around me, I stood up and grabbed on tightly. "Shh. Shh. It's ok. No one's gonna hurt you. Gen, could you grab a water bottle?" She left the room and returned with one. He set it on the bedside table.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry." I choked out.

"Shh. Don't apologize. Just breathe. Have some water if it will help." I slowly calmed down and he sat with me on the bed. Tom appeared at the door.

"Mommy, will you play with me and Shep?" She looked at me with sorry written on her face, nodded, and left.

"Sarah, what happened? What were you dreaming? You kept yelling my name and begging me to stop. What are you scared of?" He asked. He had every right to know.

"You kept punching me over and over. My face was coated in blood and you just kept going. You wouldn't stop. I apologized for whatever I did and you shouted in my face to stay the hell out of your family. Jared, this is exactly the thing I feared. I don't want to try to take a place in your family that isn't mine to have." I explained inbetween sobs.

"Sarah, I would hope you know I'd never hurt you. You stayed with me at my apartment all that time. If I wanted to hurt you, I would have done it then. You have a place in this family. Your place is to be my adoptive daughter and a big sister to the boys. I would never yell at you like that and I certainly would never hit you." He told me sincerely.

"I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'm sorry I was so scared of you." I replied.

"Hey I get it. I'm the first person you saw when you got up. Why don't you join us in the living room? Take your mind off of things for a while. Gen and I are here to talk if you need to." I nodded and joined them.

"Jared, did you ever talk to Jensen and Misha about the trust stuff?" I spoke up later on.

"I asked them if they thought you didn't trust them and they both said they noticed that a bit. I didn't tell them anything, I told them you'd tell them if you wanted to and felt capable. Don't worry about that now. Just hang out with us and the boys." I joined Gen on the floor and played cars with the boys. It took my mind off of things and I could relax a bit. We ate dinner then I decided to talk to Misha and Jensen.

"I'm gonna go call Misha and Jensen." Jared and Gen nodded in agreement.

"Hello?" Misha asked.

"Hey. Jared said he talked to you earlier."

"Yeah. You don't trust me?" He sounded clearly hurt.

"It's hard to explain. Um, I was in an orphanage from when I was 3 until 5 years ago. I've been in and out of numerous foster homes, but none of them were permanent. Some of them gave me back, some weren't fit to take care of me, but all in all, I've lived with 11 different families and have never had one stay. I was abused physically and emotionally for years and no one did anything about it. I have never been loved until I met you guys. It's not that I don't trust you at all, it's that I don't trust you completely because I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll lose you, Jensen, Danneel, Jared, and Gen, even your wife even though we hardly have spoken to each other or that you guys will turn on me. I know you expect complete trust but I don't think I'm capable of that. I'm sorry, Misha." I told him.

"Wow. Sarah, why didn't you tell us that?"

"Would you want to relive all the years of living hell to explain that to someone?"

"I guess not. I can assure you that we all love you and will continue to be here for you as friends. Jared's gonna make a great adoptive dad and Gen will make a great adoptive mom to you. I won't hurt you and neither will any of the others. If you're scared about me hurting you because of that competition, please know that was an accident."

"Misha, I'm not mad about the competition. It was a fluky thing that I hurt my elbow. I don't think you'll hurt me. It's just a fear that sits in the back of my mind."

"I get it. I'm not mad. Thanks for telling me."

"Thanks. Love you Misha."

"Love you too, kiddo." I hung up. I wanted to call Jensen but I knew he'd take it kind of hard. I decided to do it anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jensen. Jared told me he talked to you earlier about all the trust stuff. Do you want me to talk over the phone with you about it or do you want to talk in person?"

"I'd like to talk in person, but if that won't work, we can talk over the phone."

"Let me ask." I went out to the living room. "Jared, can I go to Jensen's? He wants to talk in person.

"Only if you can stay the night. It's getting late and by the time we get over there, you talk and everything, it'll be really late to be driving home. I'll stay too if you want or I can drop you."

"He says I can come over, but can I spend the night? It'll be super late to be driving back by the time we're done."

"Yeah that's fine. Is he cool with dropping you off or is he staying?"

"Either way."

"Ok. Ask him to drop you off."

"Ok. See you in a bit." I replied. He hung up.

"Jared, he says that's fine and if you don't mind, he said to just drop me off."

"That's fine. Is that ok with you, Gen? That I run her over there? I don't want to make you put the boys to bed by yourself."

"It's fine. See you tomorrow, Sarah. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I grabbed a change of clothes and my kitbag. We headed over there. We pulled up and I was nervous to get out.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I'll see you in the morning, right?"

"Yeah of course. Why wouldn't I come back and pick you up?"

"No reason. I'm just used to being with you guys all the time." I explained.

"It'll be fine. I promise Jensen isn't mad, just worried about you and wants to be someone you can trust." I nodded and gave him a hug.

"Goodnight, Jared."

"Goodnight."