Family Doesn't End in Blood, But it Doesn't Start There Either

Confessing Worries

Jensen let me inside after I rang the doorbell. "Hey Sarah."

"Hey Jensen."

"Danneel is putting JJ to bed and then she's heading to bed so you and I can talk." We sat on the couch. "So you really don't trust me?" He asked with a slightly angry edge.

"I'll explain but please don't hurt me for not trusting you. I'm sorry, but I can't help it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hurt you? Why on earth would I do that?" I stayed quiet as the fear of telling him increased. "Sarah, I wouldn't dream of hurting you. None of us do. What makes you think I would?"

"You're mad already and it will make more sense when I'm done explaining." He nodded, telling me to continue. "Ok. So, I was in an orphanage from when I was 3 until 5 years ago. I was in and out of foster homes but none of them were permanent. Some of them sent me back to the orphanage, some were arrested. I was physically and emotionally abused for years. I've been with 11 families not counting Jared. I have scars from all the beatings and emotionally I have scars too. I don't fully trust you because I don't fully trust anyone. I'm scared to lose you and Misha and Jared and Gen and all of you and I'm scared that the day is gonna come when you guys turn out like the rest. I want to trust you, but I don't know that I can let my guard down that much. Even now I'm kinda scared that you're mad and are gonna do something. I can't help it." I explained.

"Sarah, I understand not wanting to be hurt again. I understand not fully trusting me. Understand this though, if I wanted to hurt you, I would have done it by now. I love you just like Misha and Jared do. I would never lay a hand on you. I'm not mad at all. I understand completely and I'm sorry you went through all of that." He wrapped me tightly in a hug.

"By the way, Jared and Gen get to adopt me. There were problems but they can now."

"I heard. Congrats."

"Thanks. And Jensen, thanks for being so understanding. I really appreciate that."

"Of course. It's a hard thing to deal with and I get that. No worries. You ready to go to bed or do you want to stay up longer?"

"I can go to bed. I'm exhausted."

"Ok. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Jensen headed towards his room. "And Jensen," he turned around. "If you want to tell Danneel, that's fine with me. I'm sure she's curious." He nodded then we headed to our rooms. I fell asleep eventually but it was difficult. When I got up, I was thinking and started worrying about meeting my mom. What if she didn't show? What if she lied and the cops are searching for me now? What if I get stuck living with her? I don't want to get stuck with her and my dad again. I began having a panic attack and I could barely breathe. I called Jensen because it was all I could think of.

"Are you ok? Why are you calling me?"

"Help me. Panic attack." Was all I said. He sprinted into my room with Danneel close behind.

"Hey. Hey. It's ok. Shh. Shh." He wrapped me in a hug and tried to calm me down. "Don't think about whatever it was. Think about us and nothing else. Think about good things." I slowly started to calm down. Jensen was in tears trying to make me be ok. Once I was calm, he sat back down with me on the bed.

"Sarah, are you ok?" JJ asked from the doorway.

"Um, not really. There's a lot going on." She walked in and gave me a hug.

"Love you, Sarah."

"Love you too kiddo." She left to go play with Danneel. "Jensen, I'm sorry."

"I get it. You don't want to talk. That doesn't mean you don't trust me. It's ok." He replied.

"No. I mean sorry you had to come in here with me acting like that. I can tell I scared you." I told him.