Pretending with the Snob (Pyxis #1)

Chapter 33

Chapter 33 - Ex and Why

Simula pa noong matuto akong mag-drive, wala na akong ibang pinangarap kundi i-drive at magkaroon ng sarili kong Porsche Cayenne. Ang akala ko kapag napasa'kin na ang pinapangarap kong sasakyan, I'd be the happiest person on Earth at wala na akong ibang mahihiling pa.

Now I have my own Cayenne, but she doesn't feel mine at all.

Ano bang pumasok sa isip ko? Bakit ako pumayag na magpanggap na girlfriend niya just so I could have Cayenne? Am I really that desperate?

Well I admit, I was. Dahil hindi ko naman akalain na hahantong sa ganito. Back then I thought it was a win-win situation. Mawawala si Aubree sa landas ni Tyler, at magkakaroon ako ng pangarap kong sasakyan. I had nothing to lose.

But now I lost my orange. And I can't believe that it would hurt so much.

Kailan ba nagsimula? Kailan ba ako nag-umpisang mahulog? Kailan ako nag-umpisang magpanggap na wala akong nararamdaman? I don't even know. I was in denial all the time. Hindi ko matanggap na nahulog ako sa isang masungit, mainitin ang ulo, maikli ang pasensya at supladong gaya niya.

He's right. I really am stupid.

Bakit ba hindi pa ako umamin no'ng gabing 'yon? Would it make a difference had I confessed? At bakit ko ba kasi siya pinigilan na samahan si Aubree? He's not even my real boyfriend, and Aubree's leaving! Of course she would want to spend time with him! Bakit ba ang selfish ko?

Nas-stress na 'ko sa sarili ko.

But then why did he not confess too? Gusto niya na bang matapos ang pagpapanggap namin? Ako lang ba ang nahulog at nagkakaganito? It was our chance for fuck's sake, if we both wanted to make it real then why the hell didn't we grab it?

Nas-stress na 'ko sa'ming pareho.

I heave sigh, kill the engine and pull the hand break bago umibis sa pinakamamahal kong sasakyan. Walang tao sa Pyxie Point kaya dumiretso na ako sa room. It has been days since the news spread that Tyler and I have broken up, pero patuloy pa rin ang pagtitinginan at pagbubulungan ng mga estudyanteng nakakakita sa'kin.

The day before Aubree left, she uploaded a photo on her Instagram. They were walking in a park I think? And she was holding his hand. Likod lang ni Tyler, at kamay nitong nakahawak sa kamay niya ang kita sa picture, with a caption 'Mine.' that sparked and started the rumors. She even sent it to me personally, through a private message in case hindi ko makita sa IG niya.

Bakit ba hindi na lang siya umalis ng payapa? I was tempted, really tempted na sundan siya sa airport para masabunutan, pero ayoko nang magsayang ng lakas. Aalis naman na siya at hindi na babalik kaya hinayaan ko na. Hindi ko lang alam ang magagawa ko oras na bumalik siya, hindi na ako magpipigil. Sipa ko ang sasalubong sa kanya.

And ever since she left, hindi na pumasok si Tyler. Dahil ba nasa'kin ang sasakyan niya? Sobra ba siyang nasaktan sa pag-alis ni Aubree? Ayaw niya ba kong harapin? Again, I don't even know. And my mind is too tired to wonder.

Pagdating ko sa room, mga classmate ko naman ang nagbulungan. I don't blame them. Masyado nga namang biglaan ang 'break up' namin ni Tyler, and I'm still driving his car so I think they're confused. Honestly, I am confused too. I haven't confirmed the 'rumors' because first of all, hindi naman ako artista. I think Tyler would, pero hindi pa nga siya pumapasok.

I can feel Miles and Sam's eyes on me as I take my seat. Pero bago pa ulit sila makapagtanong, pumasok na ang teacher namin for the first subject. Sinasakto ko talagang ganitong oras ang pagpasok, para hindi na nila ako matanong. Well, si Miles lang naman ang matanong. Of course he wants to know what happened. Kahit sa kanya yata wala pa ring paramdam si Tyler, at ako naman, hindi pa handang magsabi.