Where My Demons Hide

Chapter 16

I was training and forcing myself to forget about Haiden for once as I punched a punching bag. Admittedly, I wasn't that strong so the punching bag barely moved an inch, but punching it felt great. It felt like I was letting out all my repressed feelings, which was what I needed after everything.

I had been punching for any hour, uncaring about my sore arms, and I was alone in the training room. Blake and Peter had left to buy lunch and I had insisted on staying, pretending the reason was that I wanted to train. But the truth was, I just wanted to be alone with my overwhelming feelings.

Keep going, I told myself as my arms grew numb. They were being pushed, but I didn't care. I didn't want to care about anything, so I focused on the punching bag and let myself grow numb. Deep down, I hoped my heart would turn numb as well, since then I would finally stop caring about Haiden.

"Luna, stop," Blake said, surprising me.

I didn't listen to him and kept punching. Everything was all his fault, I thought as I punched the punching bag harder. If it weren't for him, Haiden and I would still be seeing each other. I could have brought Haiden back to the good side and the thought made me want to break down.

Suddenly, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. He held me in front of him, his eyes filled with worry as he stared at me. I panted heavily, sweat dripping from every part of me, and I found this urge to punch him. But because I hated violence, I just stared back at him, wishing he'd let me go.

"I'm sorry," Blake blurted out, catching me off guard. "I see how training is taking its toll on you and I'm so, so sorry for dragging you into this. I wasn't thinking straight at the time and I was being selfish. I'm sorry, Luna."

I stared at him, surprised by his words. Usually I would have forgiven him easily, but this time I couldn't. After the way he'd been acting lately, I just couldn't forgive and forget.

"Why are you apologizing?" I asked bitterly. "It's too late. The damage has been done."

"I don't like seeing my Luna so down," he whispered, eyes pleading for me to understand. "If I had known I..."

"That's the thing Blake, you should've known," I said, trying hard to stay calm. "We've been living together for five years. Five freaking years and you were my best friend. I thought you knew me like no one else did, but I was wrong. How could you have made me, someone who hates fighting, become a fighter? How could you?"

    "I... I made a mistake. Please forgive me."

    I couldn't. Not this time.

    "No, not when I don't even know you anymore," I said flatly. "Why did you change? What happened to the sweetest guy I'd known."

    Blake looked away from me, seeming ashamed. I felt oddly satisfied at that, which made me realize that I was changing as well. I was no longer sweet, innocent Luna who could never confront someone, but I was someone who could get answers. That was what I planned on doing now.

    "That guy... That guy got jealous," Blake said, surprising me. "He loves you and thought he was going to lose you, so he decided to act fast and he did something really stupid. It's his biggest regret."

    "Why did you get jealous?" I asked.

    "I know you've been seeing Haiden. It's obvious from the way you keep leaving home and from the way you look at each other showed me that you mean something to each other," he said, sounding bitter. "And friends don't look at each other the way you did. Lovers do and I'm your boyfriend. You know that, right?"

    I knew that. Obviously I did, but the truth was we shouldn't be dating. Blake wasn't someone I had feelings for and I didn't think I ever would.

    "I know you are, but you shouldn't be," I said, trying to sound gentle. "I'm sorry Blake, but we need to end things."

    "I was right!" he snapped. "It's because of Haiden, isn't it?"

    "No, it's because of you. I don't like you in that way and you can see why after what you did to me."

    Blake froze, his expression full of pain. I knew he felt guiltly and I felt horrible for making him feel that way, but there was nothing I could do. He had hurt me and I couldn't help but hurt him back. If only to make things right again, I had to hurt one of the few people I cared about.

    "You know I'm sorry," Blake said, helpless. "Why don't you give me a second chance?"

    "It's not just because you messed up," I admitted. "I just... Can't think of you in that way."

    "Because of Haiden? Just be honest and tell me if you ever loved him."

    I froze at the because the truth was, I did. Five years ago, when we were kids, I had loved him more than I loved myself. And that was why Haiden had such a strong hold on me. He was my first love and he wasn't easy to forget because of that.

    "Yes," I said, blushing. "I did love Haiden years ago."

    Blake looked furious at that. He let go of me, his hands curling into fists. My eyes widened at that and I wondered if he'd actually fight me because I had loved our nemesis at one point. I really hoped he wouldn't since I didn't think I could ever hurt Blake.

    "I knew it," Blake said, through clenched teeth. "How could you Luna? How could you love a killer?"

    "I loved him before he was a killer," I said, wondering why I was defending myself. "I loved him when he was the kindest boy I knew."

    Blake scoffed and turned around, storming off. His posture was stiff and he looked ready to break down a wall, which left me worried. But then, I told myself to forget about Blake. After everything he did to me, he didn't deserve my worry.