Where My Demons Hide

Chapter 23

    I hadn't found Haiden during my wild search and I was dragging myself back to the hideout, hoping to find him there for lunch. Opening the door, I heard the chatter of the gang and I felt hopeful that Haiden was there. So quickly, I ran to the kitchen.

    My hair was a mess and my eyes were wide when I ran into the kitchen, which explained why everyone was staring at me like I was crazy. I scanned the table for Haiden and soon spotted him staring at me with worried eyes, which made me feel horrible. Haiden had always been so supportive of me and I had never been able to be supportive of him. That was going to change now.

   "I'm on your side," I said, staring at Haiden even though I was talking to everyone. "I'll join your gang. I'll do whatever you want me to do."

    Everyone except Haiden's jaw dropped at my words. They all seemed stunned, especially Saniya, and Lydia didn't look happy. Haiden simply frowned as I stared at him, panting from my long run.

    After a moment, Haiden got up and he walked to me. All I wanted to do was hug him and comfort him, but I knew he wouldn't like that, especially in front of his gang. So instead, I stared at him, hoping my eyes expressed how much I wished I could give him the world after what he'd been through.

    "Can I talk to you, outside," Haiden mumbled once he was standing in front of me.

    I nodded, knowing we needed to talk. Haiden then began to walk away and I followed him. Soon we were outside, standing beneath the warm sun, and we stared at each other as we stood on the porch of the cabin. My heart was racing and there was so much I wanted to say.

    "What happened?" Haiden asked. "Are you okay?"

    "That's what I should be asking you," I blurted out, unable to stop myself from letting it all out.

    For a second, Haiden seemed caught off guard by my words. But then a realization seemed to dawn on him as his eyes darkened. That look caught me off guard, but I kept talking because I knew how Haiden could get. He didn't like to express his emotions and I knew he internalized all the pain he'd been through. That was never a good thing.

    "I know about your parents," I said. "I know about how your entire village got murdered. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You don't deserve-"

   "Who told you," Haiden cut in. "Which one of them told you? Saniya?"

    "That's not important." I stepped forward, grabbing his hand. "What's important is that you're okay."

    Haiden looked away then, but he didn't push my hand away. I held onto him and stared at him, realizing it was stupid to say he was okay. Obviously he wasn't. Who could be when they lost everyone they cared about.

    "Sorry, obviously you're not okay," I said. "I don't know what to say. Honestly, it's so horrible and that's why I'm on your side. The demon hunters are horrible people for doing what they did, so I can't side with them."

    "No, don't side with us either," Haiden said, catching me off guard. "We're killers."

    "Why do you kill?" I asked quietly, wanting to learn the reason why.

    Haiden kept his eyes averted and I watched as his jaw clenched. He didn't like opening up, but I needed answers. I wanted to understand him and as I learned more about his past, I was slowly beginning to understand what went down five years ago and why he became the way he did.

    "I want revenge," Haiden said, surprising me as he looked back with hate filling his eyes. "I want to kill everyone who killed the people I care about.

    His words made me shiver because of their honesty. Haiden's tone was full of venom and hate, and I stared at him, knowing this was his motive. Haiden wanted to hurt everyone who hurt him.

    Although I knew the demon hunters deserved a taste of their own medicine, fighing fire with fire was never smart. It only left you burned and I didn't want Haiden wasting the life he had on pointless revenge. There was so much he was capable of and I couldn't believe he was ruining his life just to get even with the demon hunters.

    "I understand you want to get back at them, but revenge isn't worthwhile," I said gently, hoping to convince him to give up his killing ways. "You're better than them. Don't let them ruin your future."

    "I don't have a future," Haiden said bitterly. "When they killed my family, I had nothing to look forward to. Killing them off is the only reason why I kept moving through life."

    It hurt me to hear him talk like that. It broke my heart to know that Haiden had lost so much and thus became the way he was. I hated how your past had a way of changing you into a person you should never have became.

    "Come on Haiden, you know this isn't going to change anything," I said softly. "Killing them will only be your downfall."

   "I don't care," Haiden hissed.

    Staring at Haiden and seeing how furious he was, I knew I had nearly made a mistake in siding with him. He wasn't thinking straight. His parents death had made him thirst for revenge and I wanted nothing more than to shake him and tell him that he was ruining his life by seeking revenge. But from how serious he was, I knew nothing I would say would change anything.

    "Your parents wouldn't have wanted this," I said quietly, hoping those words would get to him. "They wouldn't have wanted you to become a killer."

   "Well, it's not like they can do anything because they're dead," Haiden said, causing me wince. "Look, I know it won't change anything. I know fighting fire with fire will only leave me burned, but I don't care. Getting revenge makes me feel better. It gives me a purpose. I'd appreciate it if you'd just let me live my life the way I want to."

    I couldn't dare let him live the life he wanted to live. Because I cared, I would never let Haiden ruin his life just because of his past. That was why, I had to not side with Haiden - for once.

    "No, I can't just let you live your life like this," I said defiantly. "It's the wrong way to live and I know you. This isn't the real you. You're not a killer. You're not someone who likes to hurt others, so please just drop the revenge plan."

   "Never!" he shouted, causing me to jump.

    Rage was coming off of him and I stepped back, afraid. His eyes were growing wild and animal-like and he was breathing heavily, as if to hold himself back. My heart was racing and I had a bad feeling I had pushed him too far.

    But then, Haiden whirled around. His body seemed to relax then and I stared at him, wishing he'd look back at me as he stepped away. I felt horrible for telling him how to live his life after everything he'd been through, but I hated seeing Haiden ruin his life because of the demon hunters.

    "I'm going to go on a walk," Haiden said. "Leave me alone from now on. I don't want you at my side."

    His words hurt, but I didn't say anything. I just watched as he walked off and sighing, I felt hopeless. Haiden was so stubborn and it was frustrating, but he had been through a lot. And because of that, I knew I had to stay at his side. It wasn't questionable anymore, I just had to to make sure that one day, he would be okay.