Paper Doll

Chapter Twenty-Eight | Leigh

I was in an empty room. There was only one light and it's somewhere in the far right. Then the light turned out and everything was pitch black. I was scared. It flickered on again. This time, there was a chair under it. It was facing the other side. A laughter erupted from it. I knew who owns that laughter. It was so familiar I couldn't hardly get wrong.

         I looked around. It felt like any minute someone would attack me. I'd never been claustrophobic before. I'd never been this afraid. So I closed my eyes and concentrated on one thing...

         My sister.

         She was stronger than me. She always protected me. She embraced me whenever I would have a nightmare. She cooked food for me. She always went to my room to greet me good morning and kissed me on the forehead every night. She comforted whenever I was afraid. She knew how to made me laugh. She's fearless. She never showed how scared she was until I would find her in her room crying all alone. I told her not to keep things from me especially when she couldn't handle pain. I knew our parents' death scarred her as well but she never showed it in front of me. She only showed the tough Grace. She was my strength. She was my sister. I loved her and...

        "I killed Grace," I said to myself. The flicker of light of the TV woke me up. I looked around the room and it wasn't empty anymore. There was Percy, Dr. Jackson and Officer Ryans. They all looked the same at me: pity, sad, confused.

         I was scared, that's all I knew. And now that I knew what really happened to me and my sister, no one would be there to comfort me anymore. She's gone and it's all because of me.

         Percy crouched down in front of me, wide eyed, confused as hell. He had tears in his eyes. He took my hand and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. I bet he didn't know what to say. What would you even say to the person you loved who killed her sister? I was sure people would be the same as him, speechless.

         "Leigh... is that you Leigh?" Dr. Jackson asked. Percy started crying in my hands. I felt tears in my own eyes as well but I held it there. "Are you Leigh now?"

        "I'm Leigh. What happened?" I asked. I blinked and the tears fell.

        "You blacked out and then you told us a story," he said. "Did you know that... Grace is dead?"

         I nodded. That's the only thing I could remember. That night at the cabin, it was where it all happened. How did I get there was far from beyond what I could remember.

        "Why, Leigh? Why?" Percy asked. He was holding me tight. I could feel him shaking. The tears were falling on my hands. I was sorry for us. For myself.

       "She... she took you away from me," I admitted. Finally. To myself. "She liked to get everything I have. I didn't mean to kill her. All I know is that, I saw myself in the cabin with my hand and blood and Grace on the floor, unconscious... bleeding."

        "Do you know anyone whose name was Chris?" I shook my head. "What about an old man?" I shook my head again. "Leigh, you see, those were the people we talked to for the last five hours. You hear me? We talked to them for five hours. And they were all you."

        I looked up at Dr. Jackson, wide eyed.

        "That's right. You're suffering from a disorder called multiple personality disorder. It can be caused by traumas. I think your parents' death was the one that triggered yourself to create those people inside you."

        He showed a paper to me. Written on it were names: my name, Grace's, Chris and the old man.

         "I break down the characters of the people I've talked to for the last five hours. There's you: the shy, scared, always behind the shadow but a lovely person. There's Grace: fearless, full of sense of humor, nice to her sister, attacks you from behind the back. And it's maybe hard to accept but you tried to be her, and we actually got to talk to her. Then there's Chris: the persuader, the taunter. And lastly, the old man: the killer. He's the one who admitted that you killed Grace. They emerged out of you when you couldn't do it on your own."

         I was speechless. I never thought a multiple personality disorder could happen to me. I knew I was depressed after my parents death. That's one reason why Grace always kept me behind her. That was to protect me. I never thought I would see it to be something else.

         "How can there be... more than myself?"

         "Like I said, they emerged when you couldn't do things on your own. Yourself, Leigh, is shy. Do you think you can kill someone?" I didn't answer him nor shake my head. "Deep inside you, you have that urge. So your mind created this person, someone you don't know, someone you think can do things for you. That's the old man... the old man from the far off land, alone, grumpy and has lots of secrets."

          Percy looked me in the eyes. I shook my head at him as tears rolled down my cheeks. "Why would you do that to your sister? She loved you."

         I stood up quick. "You think I did that? That's someone else. That's not me. I can't do that to my sister. I love her so much." They wouldn't understand me. They never knew the feeling of hiding in your sister's shadow.

         "But you already did," Officer Ryans said.

         I swallowed. Would that mean I'd go to jail?

        "Murder has been filed to you but with the state of your mind, I don't think you'll be able to handle things inside jail. So you'll be put in a facility and hopefully you'll get better," he informed me. He stood up and faced Dr. Jacksons. "When should we transfer her?"

          Dr. Jacksons looked at me then to the notebook he had scribbled on. "The sooner, the better."

         "I won't leave this house. No. No, Percy. You gotta tell them. I'm okay. I'm okay. I didn't kill my sister. You gotta tell them. Please, please." I embraced Percy, pleading him. But his hand never went around my waist, instead, he pushed me off of him.

          "You have to go with them. It's for your own good. I promise you I'll visit you from time to time," was what he said.

          "You can't do this to me!" I shouted, anger filling in my voice. "You can't just," I breathed, "throw me at some place I don't belong."

          "The moment you killed your sister, you belong somewhere else. It's not safe for you here and for the other people as well."

          I pushed me hard. "Damn you! This is your fault. If you didn't... if you didn't..." But I couldn't finish my sentence. I was mad at him but I was madder at myself. I let anger took over me. I created those monsters inside me now I had to suffer with it alone. With no one who would love me and take care of me. I did this on my own and I couldn't accept the truth.

         I fell down on the couch, covering my face with my hands as I sobbed harder and harder. I called out Grace's name while saying sorry. I couldn't get her back.

         I felt arms wrapped around me and I let myself fell against it. It would be the last time someone would comfort me like this. I would no longer feel this way once they entered me in a facility. There would be nurses and doctors around me with pity in their eyes,judgment even. I'd be this crazy person they didn't even know. They would study me and when they didn't get what they wanted, they might throw me somewhere else. I feared for every second of my life from then on. If I hadn't been jealous, if I came to my sister and told her exactly what I felt, she would've been still here, comforting me,telling me things would be alright.