Paper Doll

Chapter Thirty | Leigh

2 WEEKS AFTER

I was sitting in Dr. Jacksons' office, scowling at the man who still wanted to make me feel good. He would always ask me what was I feeling when the answer was just the same: I didn't feel okay knowing that my sister was gone.

          He said it was an okay response because the guilt was still there, but if I let go of that guilt and empathize it, I would surely feel more than okay. He was wrong. I couldn't feel okay. I would never feel okay. I didn't want to lie myself about it.

         "How are you feeling, Leigh?" he asked, the tip of his pen ready to take down notes.

          I rolled my eyes. "What do you think? I don't feel okay," I snapped at him.

          "It's okay. It takes time."

          It wouldn't take time. It would always linger with me. It would always be in my heart. "Why do you have to keep asking me that? The answer is all the same. Why won't you just let me go?"

          "Because I know you want change. You want to be better. I can see it in your eyes. So no matter what you say to me, hate me for staying with you, I won't care. What I care is you. You will be okay."

          His words lingered for a moment in my head. If he could make me better then that would mean I could go out of this place. Officer Ryan mentioned that I was accused of not guilty but I had to stay in this facility longer than two years to make sure I was safe around people. Dr. Jackson said last time that my other personalities still emerged from time to time. He played the tape he recorded when he was talking to the old man and it scared me. I was threatening to kill him. Then there's another one with Grace, saying that I should still find Leigh. It was hard to hear those people when all along I was inside them.

         "Even if I want to change, I know I can't," I told him truthfully. It was what scared me.

         "You can, Leigh. Things have been pretty good since the day you got here. All we need is a little trust in yourself. You can change. You can be better. So I'm not giving up on you because I know you can."

         I leaned forward, staring directly in his eyes. "What if I get better? But then after a year, it comes back again, what will you do then?"

          He sat back on his chair, surprised with my question. "Usually, people who suffered from multiple personality disorder don't come back to their old selves. After then get better, that's that. Meaning, whatever personality you have before, it will no longer come back because you learned to manage your feelings. You know how to handle them already. That's the only problem with multiple personality, the management of feelings. If you're afraid to show to anyone what you have inside your head, you'd think of something else on how to show it. That's the time, sometimes, that you will create another person bearing that thought," he explained. "Leigh, once you're better, you're better. Chris, the old man and Grace would never come back to haunt you."