Becoming Porcelain

Chapter 44- "I don't want to lose you."

"Lyanna, you don't understand how sorry I am for the way I reacted before you left." I shook my head at Rhaegar, not wanting to listen to the words he was about to speak. I wanted to forget about all that has happened, what's in the past is in the past. So I stood to my feet and walked to the bed. But Rhaegar grabbed my hand, stopping me from going any further.

"No, you have to listen, I need you to know." He said and stood to his feet so we were face to face. "I was afraid Lyanna, I didn't want to lose you like I nearly did a couple of months ago. I know what bearing a child can do to some women, and I would never wish that pain upon you. I blame myself for all this-" I quickly cut him off by placing both of my hands upon his chest.

"Rhaegar, you shouldn't need to take any blame. This right here," I took hold of his hands and placed them upon my bump. "This is a blessing to the world. I know a great good will come of our child. You just need to stop thinking of the bad. Be happy Rhaegar, just be happy for now."

Rhaegar looked down at where his hands laid and gently moved his hands across it.

"I don't want to lose you." He whispered and placed his forehead against mine.

"You won't." I replied.

+

After a night of laughs and joyousness me and Rhaegar awoke happy. We didn't want to stay in the Inn for very longer, so we quickly left. I was actually looking forward to getting back to the tower, a place where I want to now call home. I thought that in my life I would on call one place home, but it seems that that has changed. Like many other things.
I had a new life now, and it was going to get even crazier when the baby arrived. I could still sense that Rhaegar was nervous about it, but he needed to just be calm. Yes, he has two other children. But they are children that he can never have a proper relationship with because of his Father, also he has no love for his wife. Things will be different for me though, Rhaegar will be with his child every step of the way and I will be there with him. Nothing could stop that, not even if King Aerys tried his hardest to keep us apart.

Dayne and Orla were delighted to see that I was well and I think Orla even shed a tear of happiness. She also complemented me on my dress, and said that she has never seen me in a dress like it.
After leaving Winterfell I have seen Orla in a different way. Yes, she has been in my life for many years, but we were never that close. Only these past few months have I seen the real Orla. At Winterfell she really only acted like a maid around me, even though I classed her as one of my close friends. Now she acts just like me.

"Since I've been gone has there been any news on whats happening back home?" I asked Rhaegar as I rode beside him on my horse.

Rhaegar gave me a small glance and I could see that he had something to say but he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Nothing's good there." He replied sharply and looked ahead once more.

"What do you mean?"

"We'll talk about it later."

I nodded my head at his words. I understand if he doesn't want to talk about it now, in front of everyone. But I couldn't help the voice in my head telling me to beg him for answers. Yet I couldn't.
It did worry me not knowing what was going on. I worried for my family, the family that I had left. Ned would now be Lord of Winterfell, Benjen wouldn't have a Father anymore and Mother has lost a husband and a child. I couldn't think of anything worse. But Mother is strong, she'll make it through the hardship.