"I can still hear his screams! It's all I hear and it just gets louder and louder until I can't tell if they're his screams or my own! I just need it to stop! Please just make it stop."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5 things you can see.
4 things you...
I was woken up early Saturday by Adam shaking me awake. Once again I was covered in sweat and trembling. Wordlessly he climbed into the bed with me and we lay side by side in the silence while I tried to calm my racing heart. Sometimes I feel like my mind is trying to suffocate me, wrapping my memories around me like a blanket that I can't break free of. I don't know how long we lay there but eventually he broke the silence.
"When were you planning on telling me that you got yourself a girl?" He had the goofiest smile on his face and his morning breath was nasty. I turned my head to get away from it and he used it as an opportunity to continuously poke my cheek.
"It's complicated." I tried to shrug but it's hard to do when you're physically and mentally exhausted.
"Ah the old 'it's complicated' line. Fine I get it, it's your business. But seriously bro, get some." He giggled totally losing his seriousness.
"Shut up." I huffed.
We lay there for a while longer and I felt the calmness settle throughout my veins.
"Well, I'm going for a shower. Don't miss me too much." He laughed and dodged the pillow I threw at him.
~~~~~~~
It was late Saturday afternoon when mom kicked us outside again. Apparently growing boys shouldn't spend all their time inside playing video games. From some strange reason my mind was still reeling from the latest nightmare and I can't seem to shake it. So here we are again walking around town. We thought about catching a movie but the theatre in town only plays movies from the 80's. We didn't exactly feel like watching The Princess Bride. Growing up in a small town like this one you'd think I'd be used to there being nothing to do. I guess I never noticed it before. We always found something to do. A party, a soccer game, a prank, there was always something.
"Is there anything to do in this town? Damn." Adam said as he kicked at a rock on the sidewalk.
I shrug as usual and the words I want to say actually slip out for once. "It's not like I'm from here." It's passive and sarcastic statement as always but the look on Adam's face made me regret saying it, even though I hadn't meant to.
"Come on man, that not fair." He sighs.
"What exactly isn't fair? Please enlighten me because I'm pretty sure the last fucking 8 months fall under the 'not fair' category!" I know I'm yelling now. I haven't yelled in a while. It feels good but I also feel guilty taking it out on Adam.
"You don't think I know that? Trust me, I know that okay. But are you even trying? I mean sure you have your friends and your brothers say you seem better but are you?" He questioned.
"I'm fine! God I don't know what you want from me. I'm. Fine." I yell and let out a big breath.
"Really? Because this is the first actual real conversation we've had in 8 months. Not that joking around, avoiding the topic bullshit. And, I'm willing to bet that your friends have never heard more than 10 words come out of your mouth at once. You can trust them! Talk to them Nick. Talk to me. I miss you man. I can't lose you too." His voice held a tone defeat at the end and I felt nothing but guilt.
"I'm sorry." It was all I could say. It's starting to feel like all I know how to say.
"Don't be sorry. Just..... just do better. Not for me or your family. Do it for yourself." I pulled him into a hug which he quickly reciprocated.
"I miss you too." I whisper.
After that we decided to head home. People were giving us strange looks after our outburst on the street. Things between us are weird but better than they have been. We both needed to get things off our chests and it felt good. Mom scolded us when we returned to the Xbox as soon as we got home but at least we went out. We're teenage boys. Sue us.
~~~~~~~
Most of Sunday lounging around the house like we usually do. Jake came over after lunch because he needed a break from his father and I don't blame him. The situation still doesn't sit right with me but I promised him I wouldn't say anything despite how much I want to. When he came over Adam gave me a questioning look but thankfully let it go. He's never been one to butt into people's business.
"So you're telling me, that this kid right here," Jake laughed and pointed to me. "This kid actually ran completely naked down the street in the middle of winter, because he was too chicken to eat a bug!" By this point both Adam and Jake are in tears from laughing while I sit here embarrassed.
"No joke. The best part was when Noah came home. Totally flipped on us for being idiots before locking all the doors so he couldn't get back in the house. Priceless." Adam cackled.
When the two finally calmed down and caught their breath Jake stood up.
"I should probably head out. It was good to see you again Adam." He nodded at us and began to walk out.
"I should probably go to. It's getting late and you know, school." Adam stood and followed Jake.
At the door I said a quick goodbye to Jake knowing I'll see him tomorrow. Adam came down with all his stuff and pulled me into a long embrace.
"Don't be a stranger." He said when we pulled away. I gave a half hearted smile.
"Brothers forever." I whispered. He gave me a sad smile and a pained look at my use of the phrase before hugging me again and walking out the door. I know that I'm going to see him again but it's always hard to say goodbye. Sometimes I'm afraid he'll never come back. I think I have an irrational fear of people walking out of my life, never to return.
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// AN - Hey so I know this chapter is a filler but sometime they're necessary. Admittedly this could've been better but it is what it is. I officially graduated recently so now that I'm not busy I'm going to try to update more. Since this is being rewritten I'm going to try and get the already written chapters edited and back up for you guys. Please be patient with me but I hope to update on Wednesdays but don't hold that against me if I can't keep to that. Anyway I hope everyone's week has been good. Love you. //
