"I can still hear his screams! It's all I hear and it just gets louder and louder until I can't tell if they're his screams or my own! I just need it to stop! Please just make it stop."
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5 things you can see.
4 things you...
Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense anymore.
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The days leading up to Christmas were kind of a blur. I spent most of them holed up in my room, barely eating, never speaking. I spent most of the time sleeping. I don't know why really I'm just so tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I find myself staring at that stupid beanie, cursing it and myself. He'll never get to wear it. As each day passes I can feel the ache in my heart grow more persistent. I used to love this time of year. Two weeks with no school. Shawn, Adam and I used to spend this time together; all our families would get together. It was always my favourite holiday. Now as I sit here in the dark of my room at 4 am on Christmas Eve, I don't feel much of anything.
Adam's family is suppose to be arriving today. I know I should be excited to see him but I can't find it in me. I just keep thinking of who won't be coming. He's the one person I keep waiting to just show up one day like he used to. I want to see his face when he opens his presents. I want to hear him make very bad guesses before he opens each and every present mostly to annoying everyone. But I don't get to anymore. I don't get to ever again. I just have to make it through the next couple of days. If I can just get through this holiday everything should be fine. I can go back to how things were. Things were getting better. But after this you have to deal with New Years. It was his favourite after all. And then the anniversary of his death comes up after that. I shake my head at an attempt to rid the thoughts from my head. I cannot deal with that at this moment. One thing at a time or I may explode.
Sitting just under my bed I spot a thin book out the corner of my eye. Picking it up I see that it's a book of poems, Adam's no doubt. He probably left it here last time. Attempting to distract myself I flip to one of the marked pages.
