Our little group without Jake was lonely. His absence didn't go unnoticed from the prying eyes of our school peers nor from our minds. No matter how much we tried to get him to talk to us, to just hear us out, he wouldn't have it. He just pushed us farther away. So for the time being we let him be, let him sort some things out and we'll be here waiting for when he's ready. Ryan told Oli that Child Protective services has started an official investigation, so their lives are a little bit crazy right now. He's been keeping us updated though, because he knows that we care even if Jake's totally pissed at us. Oli said that coach is making Jake ride the bench until his ribs heel so he hasn't been at practice lately. We're all worried about him but somehow we manage. It feels like a part of us is missing and the feeling is so familiar that my nightmares are getting worse.
"My sisters are coming home for the weekend." Oli says with a sigh.
We're sitting at the back corner of the bookstore, pretending to read while Hennessy works her usual shift. This has become a new thing because none of us really want to be alone with our thoughts for longer than we have to so usually we come here. Hennessy's parents don't mind and I like the atmosphere.
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I ask.
"Both I guess. I miss them but at the same time they're sooo annoying."
Oliver's sisters, Alyssa and Cassia are identical twins. Oliver said that if he hadn't grown up with them he'd have a hard time telling them apart but their personalities are so different. They're five years older and went off to university so he doesn't see them much but according to Nessy the three of them are really close.
"Dude try living with my brothers. No one is more annoying then them." I snort.
"Nah you're lucky. Sisters are much worse because you have to deal with their boy drama and all that."
"Touché."
It's quiet again. I look over at Hennessy helping a customer. Most of the people that come in here are regulars so they always ask her about her life or update her on theirs. It's quite cute. Hennessy says it gets annoying but I know she secretly loves it. No matter how much she denies it she's extremely good with people. I think that's why I feel so comfortable around her.
"Afternoon boys. I see you're still keeping the corner warm." Amanda, Hennessy's mom, laughed.
"Always." Oli chuckled.
"Can I get you two anything? Hot chocolate, cookies, a life?"
"Ha. As great as all those things sound I think we're fine."
"Momma would you quit harassing them?" Nessy was suddenly in front of us. I hadn't seen her walk over.
"I am not harassing them. Right boys?" she turned to us.
"Whatever you say Amanda." we all laughed and it felt kind of nice.
Hennessy took a seat on the edge of my chair, practically on my lap and my hand instinctively went to the small of her back. I felt her muscles relax and out of the corner of my eye I could see Amanda smile at us. The silence around us was filled with tension and anxiety, like none of us knew how to act anymore.
"Listen up guys." All three of us snapped our heads towards Amanda. "I know that you're all hurting and that this situation is not a good one but I promise you that eventually everything will sort itself out. I've known Jake practically his whole life, not like you guys, still I still know him. He just needs time. His whole life has just been turned around. Give him time to get his feet back on the ground and he'll come back. I know it." she squeezed Hennessy on the arm and looked us all in the eyes before walking away.
"We did the right thing, didn't we?" Hennessy asked. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes and my heart clenched.
"Honestly? I'd like to think that we did. I just didn't know it would feel like this. Like we lost him." Oliver sighed.
My heart began to pound at his words and I could feel the panic start to claw at me. My hands were shaking and the sounds in my head get steadily louder. That familiar feeling that I can't shake; it's loss. The realization is practically overwhelming and I can't breathe.
"Nick? You're shaking." Hennessy's face is one of concern and confusion. I bolt out of the chair.
"I have to go." I run out of the shop, ignoring them calling after me. I run and run until I'm home and I burst through the door all the air expelled from my lungs.
"Nick? What's going on?" I'm vaguely aware of Noah standing above me but the panic attack is too intense now that I can't even think of an intelligible reply.
I keep hearing and seeing two words over and over and over again. Lost him. I think I says that out loud because I hear Noah ask "lost who" but I can't respond.
"Hey, hey, hey. Nick look at me okay. Breathe in three seconds, breathe out six seconds. Do it with me." I do my best to follow him until my heart slows down and my vision is less blurry. The crushing weight is still on my chest but now it's more bearable.
"I'm okay." I whisper.
"Well I don't think you are so I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me what happened."
"I don't know. We were talking about Jake." I mumble.
Noah doesn't say anything, just sits there with me in silence for a while.
"I wish life didn't have to feel like this."
YOU ARE READING
The Wondrous Pain of Letting Go
Teen Fiction"I can still hear his screams! It's all I hear and it just gets louder and louder until I can't tell if they're his screams or my own! I just need it to stop! Please just make it stop." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5 things you can see. 4 things you...
